Becoming Queen

Chapter 12: Grief

Sofia

If I knew the events that would occur on this day, I would have never woken up. If I had known my entire world would leave me, then I would have begged to stay in my dream state where everything was perfect.

In my dreams I lay in the arms of the man I love most with his hand rubbing circles on my ever growing baby bump. We'd be gazing into each other's eyes as our little ones ramble to their grandparents about a new book we bought them.

How I wished for a future like the one in my dreams, but reality was anything but kind.

Staring out at the night sky, I let the tears fall as I hugged my arms around my body.

No matter how many times I hit myself, no matter how many times I rubbed my eyes until I saw stars, I was not waking up from this nightmare.

Even though I was fiercely independent and have been since I was a little girl, I couldn't have felt any more helpless than I did now.

I was an orphan yet a mother at the same time. I was now mum to my three younger siblings who had little understanding of our new reality. I had dreams, my business and wanted to achieve so much. Now, all that remained of me was an empty shell. I was alone. I always ended up alone.

"Sofia? Honey?".

I kept my eyes fixed on the rose garden dad was obsessed with and paid no attention to my Grandma who was now staying with us.

I let the tears fall as I felt her come and sit beside me. She offered me a plate of food, but I gently shook my head and to my relief she didn't try and encourage me further.

Grandma took my hand and brought it up to her lips in which she pressed a delicate kiss on my skin. She engulfed my hand in hers and stayed silent also looking out at the beautiful garden.

"Grandma, was it them? Was it their bodies?".

The police had asked if I wanted to come and identify the bodies, but I couldn't. As broken as I was, I didn't have it in me to leave the site of my upset siblings. I needed to be with them. I needed to be there for them. So Grandma went on my behalf.

"Yes honey. It was" she whispered out into the silence of the garden.

She lifted her frail hand up to her mouth and cried silently.

I promised myself to be strong, but hearing the confirmation from her lips broke me. I had a small piece of hope that it was an accidental case of mistaken identity, but now I knew that was my head trying to give me some hope.

Collapsing my head into my hands, I cried for the loss of all I had. I sobbed at all the responsibilities I now had weighing on my shoulders.

I broke down over not being able to say goodbye and telling them that they were my everything. I thought I'd have years of seeing their happy faces, years of hugging them, years of laughing with them over kicking grown men's asses. But they were gone too quick.

Amelia, Nora and Finn were robbed of their parents. They were in their prime. Their childhood should have been a continuous flow of happy memories. But now both mum and dad were gone. I would now have to be mum and dad.

And to make matters worse, the one man I went to in times of distress was in the arms of another woman. He had now moved away to New Zealand and I would never see him again.

"How am I supposed to carry on? My life is over, I'm done for".

"Sofia Rose Hendricks, stop" Grandma snapped.

I looked up at her shocked by her sudden change in behaviour and watched as she rubbed away her tears whilst glaring at me. I never met Dad's dad, but dad had definitely inherited all his looks from Grandma. He was a male version of her.