Pabagsak kong binitawan ang cellphone ko at sinapo ang noo. Pumikit ako ng mariin at pilit na pinakalma ang puso ko na tila nakalimot na sa nangyari limang taon na ang makalipas.
It starts to beat again and I hate it so much.
Bakit ganito lang kung mawala ang sakit na naramdaman ko noon? Nalaman ko lang ang nangyari matapos kong umalis, tumitibok na naman ang puso ko para sa kaniya!
You're so fucked up, Reka!
Dumilat ako at muling napatingin sa cellphone ko kung saan naka-display ang video ng press conference na ginawa ni Casper two days after my graduation, and a day after I left the country, he came back to the Philippines. Only to leave again after a few days.
Napabuntong hininga ako. Kung itong press conference niya ay nagawa ng burahin ang hinanakit ko sa kaniya noon, ano pang mangyayari kung makakaharap ko siya?
But why do I bother to think? I know we're not going to see each other because first, I'm planning to avoid every place that he might go to like their own hotel and company. Second, it's been years and there's a high chance that he's talking about another woman when he was answering those interviews to him about his relationship. Third, we have nothing to do with each other anyway so why would I anticipate seeing him?
Bakit ako kakabahan kung wala naman akong ginawang kasalanan? We were not in a relationship nor committed to each other back then, so what gives? Our connection was long cut off.
Those thoughts left me restless until the next day, kaya wala akong masyadong gana nang um-attend kami ni Francine sa birthday ni Hercules. I let Francine play with Hercules even though Hercules is only staring at her and watching her play. Anim na taong gulang pa lang ngunit kung kumilos ay parang matanda na.
I don't know where he got his silent attitude because his mother was bubbly when we first met. His father, however, is I don't know so maybe, he got it to his father.
Saglit kaming nag-usap ng ama ni Hercules, discussing the three long years of investigation happening and its progress.
"She was spotted once on an island and I'm planning to go there myself to search for her. I need to leave Hercules to you since he still has classes to attend. I already explained to him about it and he understood me since he knows that I'm searching for his mother. It's just two weeks, is that okay?" He said.
Saglit ko siyang sinulyapan at tipid na nginitian ng makitang ino-obserbahan niya ang reaksyon ko. I look back to the kids playing on his house yard.
Ang dami talagang nagbago at higit siya sa lahat ng iyon. I admire him so much for enduring the loss of his wife and for staying strong while taking care of their son. Pinagsisihan ko na wala ako dito sa bansa ng mangyari ang trahedya na iyon pero sa nakikita ko ngayon, alam kong mas naging malakas siya dahil sa lahat ng nangyari. He looks unyielding, not planning to give up searching for his wife who we thought had died after the accident. Now that we're seeing progress to the investigation, I can feel a bit of heaviness in my heart being lift up.
He deserves to be happy... They deserve to be complete again.
"How about you? How's your relationship with Casper?"
Parang bula na pumutok at naglaho ang masayang iniisip ko, at napalitan ng inis. I groaned and glare at him for making me remember what I've been trying to forget since Jared and I talked.
"Not you too, please!" Nahahapong sinabi ko at napasapo sa noo. "Why do you guys think that I'm fucking taken? Don't you see me driving by myself? If I have a boyfriend, I will demand him to drive for me!" Nauubusan ng pasensya na singhal ko sa kaniya.
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