Sagittarius (COMPLETE)

Special Chapter

Who says being a woman is easy? From puberty, menstruation, painful sex, and maternity, nothing is easy. Most especially taking care of your child.

I have no idea how to properly take care of a child because my mother didn't take care of me when I was a kid. No one reads me a bedtime story at night... And I learned to write and read, feed, and dress up myself. Yes, we have maids but they're busy with household chores most of the time, including mamang.

I grew up in her care but she's not always there for me. So it is natural for me to feel scared after we confirmed that I'm indeed pregnant. Hindi ako kinabahan ng ikasal kami ni Casper, pero ngayong lumalaki na ang tiyan ko, saka ko lang talagang narealize na buntis ako at may buhay sa tiyan ko.

How will I take care of her or him? I don't know... and it's making me very anxious. Reading about how to take care of a baby is different from actually taking care of them. Natatakot ako dahil hindi ko naranasan ang alagaan ng isang ina. What if I mess up? Paano kung hindi pala ako bagay na maging ina?

I caress my five-month-old belly. Bumuntong hininga ako. Overthinking that leads to stress is bad for my baby but I can't help it. I keep thinking of the best way to take care of her/him. I want to be the best mother... A mother I never had. I want to be the best mother for my child.

"You're getting emotional again. Ano ba kasi talaga ang iniisip mo?" Namewang si Tamara sa harapan ko. "You were like that too on my last visit here, and that was two weeks ago."

"I know." Bumuntong hininga ako. "I was just thinking about... a lot of things."

"Like what?" She probed.

"Maternity."

She fell silent. Huminga siya ng malalim at lumapit sa pwesto ko. She sat on the stool next to where I was sitting and she smiled at me with understanding in her face.

"It's natural to feel scared on the first time, but I'm sure you'll do very well, Reka." Bumaba ang tingin niya sa kamay ko na nakahawak sa tiyan ko. "I know you'll be a good mother."

"I don't know how to be a good mother, T-Tamara." I confessed with a trembling voice.

How can I be a good mother? What if I mess up? What if my child hates me when she/he grows up because I'm not a good mother?

"No one knows how to be one until you get to hold your baby in your arms." She smiled at me. "I was scared, too when we had our firstborn. Like you, reading about how to be a good mother on the internet is never enough for me. I kept overthinking, but everything turned out very good when I finally held our son. When that happens, your maternal instinct will help you." Hinawakan niya ang tiyan ko at marahan itong hinaplos.

Somehow, her words made me feel better and a bit confident in myself more than in those books and articles I read. I think talking to someone with maternal experience will help me better than those articles online.

"Hey." Biglang may humalik sa sintido ko at yumakap sa bewang ko. "How's my pregnant wife?"

"She thinks she won't be a good mother." Panglalaglag ni Tamara sa akin.

Pinanlakihan ko siya ng mata dahil hindi ko pa nasasabi kay Casper ang mga gumugulo sa isip ko. I always told him I'm fine and I have no problem or whatsoever because he's busy with his business and I don't want to add on his list.

"What?" Inikot niya ang kinauupuan ko hanggang sa magkaharapan na kami. "When did you start thinking about that?" He asked in worried and serious tone.

My lips protrude. There's no point in lying anymore, "S-Since I learned about my pregnancy..."

Napailing si Tamara kaya nabaling sa kaniya ang atensyon ko. "That's not shocking."