Pairing Hearts |louis tomlinson|

Chapter Seven

The next day Alec came back. Ashley had still yet to tell him what happened, so she made Harry and I wait in the bedroom to make sure he handled it correctly before we went back to my place.
"How are you doing?" Harry asked me. We were sitting on the floor with our backs resting against the bed. "I mean I'm sure it hasn't been easy with Ashley bringing up some of that stuff from your past."
"Can we talk about that when we get home?" I asked resting my head back against the bed. It was so overwhelming to think about.
"Of course love," Harry said touching my knee lightly.
"Can we go to the beach tomorrow?" I asked. "I feel like I just need a day to decompress."
"Sure, whatever you need," Harry nodded.
--
When we got home that night, Harry made me dinner and then sat me down at the table and I knew he wouldn't let me leave until I ate and talked. "You have to talk to me, Kate. It's not about Ashley anymore. We're home and it's just us, so please just talk to me."
"I mean I don't really have anything to say," I answered picking at my food.
"Kate, I saw how upset you were when Ashley brought up the past. I also saw how well you handled everything and I know why you handled it so well. Just talk to me please," he said his eyes worried and verging on tears.
"I don't like to think about it," I replied. "Every time she brought it up and every time I saw her going through some shit that I had to go through it was like I was reliving it all over again."
"I'm sorry you had to remember everything. I'm sorry you went through it at all. But really, I'm sorry that none of us helped you in the way you needed."
"You didn't even know," I replied.
"Well I wish I could have helped you," he shrugged. "Now can you please stop pushing around your food and actually eat it?"
"I'm not hungry," I shrugged.
"You haven't eaten a single thing all day. I don't care if you're not hungry," Harry shrugged. "You look like the next big gust of wind could blow you away. It's not healthy."
"Fine," I said taking a bite of food to make a point. Harry made me finish the plate before we went to bed.
--
The next morning I took one of my pills while Harry ate breakfast. "What are you taking? That looks like the same box Ashley got," Harry said. It wasn't accusatory, but his voice was worried.
"This is birth control," I laughed placing the box back in the cabinet before he got a better look at it. "Just because I don't have sex doesn't mean I don't want regulated periods."
Harry blushed. "Sorry, just looked familiar. I'm sure I've just seen you with it before."
"We're going to the beach today?" I asked with a kind smile.
"Sure love, I'll get ready as soon as I finish my breakfast."
"Kay," I smiled ruffling his hair before going into the bedroom to change. I put on a bathing suit and threw a dress on top of it before coming out of the bathroom to find Harry already changed and ready. We took his convertible so the wind could blow through our hair as we drove down the highway. It felt so good. When Harry pulled into the parking lot, I immediately jumped out of the car and made my way to the water pulling off my dress as I ran. Harry laughed from behind me and within seconds he had me by the waist and swung me around.
"You are crazy," he grinned letting go. I sunk under the water letting it coat my hair before I came back up for air.
"I told you I needed a beach day," I answered.
"I did too," Harry grinned going under and popping back up. I smiled standing up and walking back to where Harry had dropped our bag. I snapped the towel out onto the sand and sat down holding my knees. I watched Harry walk out of the water and pushed his wet hair off his forehead.
"What are you looking at?" Harry grinned as he stood over me digging into the bag and pulling out a hat.
"You," I laughed as he slapped the hat on backward. "You look like an American."
"You like it?" He laughed spreading out his own towel and sitting down. I just shrugged.
"I brought some food for us. Made you a sandwich and brought some fruit," he said pulling a plethora of items out of the bag.
"Food at the beach always tastes so much better, it doesn't even matter what it is," I said taking the sandwich from him and opening the little baggie.
"Is your mom mad you're here and not with her?" I asked eating. My knees were still up and I rested my head on them as I watched him.
"No, she loves that I'm with you," Harry grinned. "She thinks you're a good influence."
"I'm glad you were here for all that shit with Ashley," I replied softly.
"I'm glad I was here too," Harry said. "Even though it wasn't you and I don't know what you were like, I think it helped me understand what you went through a little more."
I nodded looking away because little did he know I was going through it all again right now. I finished my sandwich and laid down on my back. I heard Harry suck in a breath, so I turned my head to look at him. He looked so worried that I thought he could see everywhere that man had touched me.
"Why the hell are you so thin Kate?" Harry asked his eyes going wide and worried. "All you are is bone. I can see every single rib."
I shot him a little smirk before biting my lip. "Had some swimsuit shoots I had to do," I shrugged. I watched his eyes get angry.
"You can't starve yourself for a fucking photoshoot, Kate. You're going to kill yourself."
"Well, it's over now," I answered.
"It's over for good," Harry replied. "I'll pay for whatever the hell you need. I can't watch you kill yourself just so you can go to school."
"Don't tell me what to do," I said turning to lay on my stomach. The truth was I didn't want to model anymore anyways. I had ignored twenty calls from Trent in the past few days, but I wasn't going to let anyone tell me what to do. "I've been taking care of myself for twenty years. I didn't have parents telling me what to do and I'm sure as hell not going to have a nineteen-year-old boy tell me what to do either."
"Sorry," he said softly. I didn't look over at him. "I just hate that you're hurting yourself. I want to help you."
I didn't answer but I flipped back to my back keeping my eyes closed. I heard Harry lie down as well. I turned to peek at him and found his hat resting over his face. He was cute, I had to admit it. I saw why the girls loved him, but I just knew I would never be able to open myself up in a way that men needed or wanted. I would never date, so I was happy being friends and he was one of the few guys who was happy with that too.
Eventually, the sun began to set. I had somehow made my way under his arm against his chest. He held me while we watched the sunset. Harry held me so tightly and I felt so safe and warm in that moment.
"I know you weren't there and didn't know when all that stuff happened to me," I whispered against his chest. I felt him shift so I knew he could hear. "But ever since I've met you, you've always made me feel so safe and loved. Before I met you, I thought I would never trust a man again. You make me see that there are good guys in the world. You've just helped me get out of my head."
"You'll always be safe with me," Harry whispered squeezing me just a little tighter. I smiled to myself leaning back into his chest as the sun dipped below the water.
--
After about a week, I had completely pushed that day out of my mind. If you asked me about the photoshoot I had successfully blocked the horrible parts out of my mind. I was so busy and focused on Ashley and what she went through and was still going through, that I had managed to let that overshadow what happened to me. Spending time with Harry and feeling so safe made it seem like a time when I wasn't safe seemed impossible. Unfortunately at the end of the week that all came crashing down.
I woke up at about three in the morning in a pool of my own sweat feeling sick from the nightmare I had just had. It had brought back exactly what had happened even the parts that had always blocked out. I had to pull Harry's heavy arm off me and climb over him, so I could rush to the bathroom and vomit. When I finished I got into the shower trying to wash away the memories, but they were so strong that eventually I just had to sit on the ground and relive it all. In the depths of my mind, I heard Harry knocking on the door and calling my name, but the feeling of that director's hands on my breasts was a lot more present.
"Hey," Harry said softly breaking me from my thoughts as he turned off the water. I didn't realize I was crying until the water was off. I watched him grab my towel and come to wrap it around me before crouching down next to me.
"You gotta get up babe," Harry said holding the towel tightly against me as he grabbed my arms and helped me up. When I was standing I fell against his chest clutching the towel tightly. I couldn't hold myself up.
"Love, what's going on?" He asked wrapping his arms around me and rubbing my back.
"Can I have my robe," I whispered my voice coming out weak and shaky. Harry immediately nodded still leaving one arm wrapped around me as he reached for the robe hanging on the back of the door. He let go as he took the robe and draped it across my back. I left my head on his chest, still unable to stand alone.
"Come on love, you gotta stand up and get dressed," Harry said running his hand over the back of my head once before pushing my shoulders back. I stood and turned away from Harry so I could let go of the towel and tie the robe around myself. When I had it tied Harry took me by the arm and led me back to bed. Harry helped me into bed before climbing in himself and curling himself against me. I could feel my vision tunneling as I was brought back to those memories again, but Harry's voice pulled me back.
"Kate, what's wrong?" Harry asked and I felt the hot tears on my cheeks so I knew I had let out a sob. I turned so I could put my head on his chest.
"I had a dream that brought up something I had completely blocked from my memory," I said feeling my throat close. Harry rubbed my back lightly.
"You can tell me, anything love," he whispered.
"At my last photoshoot the day before you came home, the director raped me," I whimpered as the visions came swirling back. I felt Harry tense, clearly upset.
"Hey, it's okay you're safe now," he said rubbing my back. "I'll keep you safe. You can talk to me."
"He told me he would ruin Ashley's career if I didn't do what he said. Harry she's worked her whole life to be where she is now and she's given me so much. I couldn't be the reason it all got taken away," I said letting out a real sob.
"Hey, it's okay love," Harry said rubbing my back. "I'm going to be here to help you get through this. It wasn't your fault and it never will be."
"You can never tell Ashley," I said turning to face him. "She's going through enough."
"Kate..."
"No, I don't want her to ever know about this. I don't want anyone to ever know."
"Okay," Harry nodded. "Then no one will know and I will be here to help you get through it. You're not going to be alone again."
"I want to quit modeling," I told him softly. "I have enough to get myself through college and then some. I just can't do it anymore."
"I think that's a good idea. If you ever need anything you know I will help you out."
"I can take care of myself," I answered resting his head on my chest.
"Then what can I do? How can I help?"
"I don't know, I just feel wrong like... my body doesn't belong to me anymore. It feels off."
"I wish I knew how to help you," Harry said letting a strand of my hair wrap around his finger.
"Being here is enough," I answered. "Just promise you won't ever look at me differently."
"Promise," Harry answered holding me against his chest.
--
Over the next few weeks, Harry spent his every waking moment catering to my every need. He would make me dinner and force me to get dressed and shower. He would make me sleep and eat and live my normal life even though I so desperately wanted to shut down. I went to check on Ashley and Alec a few times. Harry made me feel safe and he made me feel like I was almost back to normal. As summer came to an end I knew Harry only had three months left of his break and he would be recording a new album soon, so I wanted to make sure he got to spend some time with his mom before he was back in his crazy scheduled life.
"Kate I am not leaving you right now," Harry argued crossing his arms as I rested against the counter.
"Harry, you need to spend time with your mom. I know she misses you. Family is important. I promise I'm okay. I'll have school to keep me busy."
"No, I don't like it," Harry replied shaking his head.
"Well too bad, I'm kicking you out," I answered. "Go home and see your mom."
"You're being serious aren't you?" Harry asked with a frown.
"Yeah, I am. If I had a six-month break and I didn't go see my sister, she would be furious. She would think I hated her. Go see your mom."
"Okay," Harry sighed. "Fine, I'll go."
"Good," I nodded feeling a sense of relief.
"I'm going to call you a lot though," Harry said biting his lip. "I don't like the idea of you being alone."
"Don't worry about me."
"I always do," he shrugged.