Pairing Hearts |louis tomlinson|

Chapter 38

Thursday night I was cooking dinner at the stove when Louis came home from the studio. "Smells good in here love," Louis smiled coming over to give me a kiss.
"How was work?" I asked as he wrapped his arms around my shoulders.
"It was good. I'm working with this new artist and she's super sweet. It's a lot of fun," Louis replied.
"You're not going to replace me with a younger more talented girl are you?" I chuckled looking up at him.
"Not a chance," Louis smiled kissing my cheek. "How was work for you today?"
"Good," I shrugged. "Tiring."
"You should have let me cook," Louis said stroking my hair.
"I was starving," I replied. "I couldn't wait."
Louis stroked my hair gently. I had been getting better slowly. I was sleeping better and feeling better about everything. I think Louis could see that too.
"Why don't you go get out the plates baby," I said looking up at him.
"Give me a real hug first," Louis pouted. I nodded turning around and tucking myself against his chest. Louis rubbed my back squeezing me tightly. Eventually, I pulled away to make sure our food didn't burn.
A few minutes later we were seated at the table across from each other.
"Tastes so good love," Louis said through a mouthful of food.
"No manners," I laughed and Louis chuckled as well.
"No one can be as perfect as you," he chuckled as I rolled my eyes.
"I gotta ask you something love," Louis said tracing his fingers over the table.
"What's up?" I asked biting my lip.
"Harry called me today," Louis said softly. "He's still in rehab, but he said he wanted us to come by. He said he needed to apologize. I think it might be a good idea to go by, but if you don't think you're ready then you just need to tell me. I will let him know we just need a bit more time."
"I want to go," I said. "If he needs this, then I don't want to be the reason he can't get better."
"Okay," Louis nodded. "I will call him tomorrow."
"Okay," I nodded.
--
Saturday afternoon, we pulled up to a modern looking building. "Listen, if it's too much and you need to leave just let me know. Your health is more important to me than anything else."
"I know," I nodded squeezing his hand lightly. "I promise if it's too much I'll let you know."
"Good," Louis nodded before getting out of the car. Louis took my hand and led me inside. We had to check in at a front desk and then we were led through a sterile white hallway and I felt a little sick.
"You good?" Louis asked as we stood in front of a white door with black numbers printed on the front.
"I'm good," I nodded squeezing his hand a little tighter. Louis knocked on the door lightly. A thin watered-down version of Harry opened the door.
"Hey guys," he smiled leaning against the door.
"Hey mate," Louis said rubbing my back gently.
"Lou, do you mind if I talk to you alone?" Harry asked looking down.
"Sure," Louis nodded. He kissed my cheek gently before following Harry inside. I sat down against the wall and rested my head on my knees. I kept my eyes closed trying not to get overwhelmed with my thoughts. I was nervous to talk to Harry.
"You alright love?" Louis asked and I sat up.
"Good," I nodded standing up.
"He wants to talk to you," Louis said looking down. I pulled him down to meet my eyes.
"I love you," I whispered seriously.
"I know," Louis replied touching my cheek gently. He let go and I found Harry watching us with a small smile.
"Hey," he said sheepishly gesturing for me to come inside. I walked in and Harry closed the door gently. I looked at the small white room. There was a bed pushed into the corner and a desk against the wall. I sat in the desk chair and Harry sat on the edge of his bed and ran a hand through his hair.
"I'm so sorry," Harry said softly. "I'm sorry for every single moment that I hurt you. I'm sorry that I tried to pull you down when the band was falling apart. I'm sorry about the things I did and the things I said. I changed and you weren't afraid to call me out. I'm sorry I didn't listen."
"I'm sorry I left," I said looking down.
"Kate, you don't have anything to be sorry for," Harry sighed. "I know how much you tried and I just wasn't in a good enough place to listen. I'm sorry and I hope you'll tell your sister I'm sorry too. I never should have talked about things that weren't my business."
"We aren't speaking anymore," I answered looking down at my hands.
"Because of what I did?" He asked his voice breaking.
"I don't know," I shrugged. "She changed, she broke up with her boyfriend and she's living with my dad and sleeping around. I..."
"Your dad?" Harry asked.
"Yeah, I've had a lot of shit going on lately and it's just a lot," I said running my hands over my face.
"I'm sorry that I added to that," Harry said is voice shaky.
"It was the straw that broke the camel's back," I answered with a shrug. "I'm sorry if I'm being harsh, it's just, I'm trying really hard to get better because there are so many things I need to fix."
"I get it," Harry replied. "Louis told me a little about what's going on. I'm just really glad you two have each other. You both deserve to be happy and I'm sorry I hurt both of you."
"I'm just glad you're getting help. Even though we weren't talking, I really worried about you. I've always worried about you."
"I know. You care too deeply about everyone, even people who have hurt you. I'm grateful to know that, but I also feel so guilty that I've been holding you down."
"I just need you to know that I forgive you. I want you to get better and I'll do what I can to help," I said gently.
"I really appreciate that, but I can't lean on you forever. I need to be able to stand on my own and I need to give you a break."
"I'll be there if you need it," I answered. Harry nodded standing up.
"Can I give you a hug?" Harry asked gently. I nodded standing up as well. He pulled me tightly against his chest and he felt different. He didn't feel like the home that I used to feel in his arms. He felt hard and distant. I realized then that the only arms that were going to feel like home were Louis'. When he let go, he led me to the door. Louis was pacing in the hallway and the second he saw me his face and posture instantly relaxed.
"Thanks for coming, I really appreciate it."
"Of course," I said patting his arm.
"Just call us if you need us mate," Louis said taking my hand and pulling me towards him.
"Bye guys," Harry said. We gave him a wave before leaving. When we were outside Louis instantly pulled me against his chest.
"Are you okay?" He asked rubbing my back.
"I'm good," I nodded. "You feel like home."
"So do you, baby," Louis said kissing my forehead. Louis took me to the car and it was fairly quiet as he drove us home.
"You didn't say it, but I know you were a little worried," I said stroking his thigh lightly. "Being around Harry just showed me how much I love and need you. Your hugs and voice are a lot more soothing than Harry ever was."
"Good," Louis smiled taking my hand from his thigh and kissing it lightly.
"Are you alright?" I asked when he set my hand back in my own lap.
"Yeah, I'm just... I don't know I'm kind of pissed," Louis shrugged eyes intently on the road.
"At me?" I asked looking down at my lap.
"No, babe, of course not," Louis chuckled. "Literally could never be mad at you."
"Then what's eating at you?" I asked gently. "I really don't like seeing you upset."
"I don't know, Harry kept apologizing, but he doesn't really know what he's apologizing for, you know? He wasn't around for the worst of it. He doesn't know what it felt like when I found you in that bathtub. He doesn't know that my heart felt like it was breaking every time I saw the sadness in your eyes because he hadn't reached out. He doesn't know that I felt just as sick watching him pass out in front of our gate, but I felt even worse when I saw your reaction. He doesn't get it and I don't think he can ever really fully apologize because he will never understand exactly what his actions caused."
"I guess I kind of felt the same way, but I didn't want to cause him to spiral or anything. I mean remember what happened with Steve?" I asked looking down.
"Yeah, that's kind of why I didn't say anything either."
"If it makes you feel any better, I'm glad it was you in my life that whole time," I said softly looking up at him. "I don't think there's really anyone else who understands how I felt or who I trusted enough. Thank you for putting up with a lot of stress and hurt for me."
"I think I could say the same for you," Louis replied placing his hand on my thigh. I placed mine on top and rubbed it lightly.