Pairing Hearts |louis tomlinson|

Chapter Twenty

*Trigger Warning*

The next week was bad. I spent a lot of time cooped up in my apartment trying to write a paper. I was getting thousands of phone calls a day asking for interviews. People wanted to know about when I was raped and why I hadn't spoken out. There were paparazzi outside my apartment every day when I went to class and when I came home who would scream questions at me. I knew my face was probably plastered all over the news and social media. Luckily I also knew that Louis was taking a break from social media to work on his new album this week, because if he knew he would be so pissed. He wouldn't leave me alone. Marcy and Bailey were both too busy with their own papers and midterm exams to come over too. Friday was the worst day. In the morning I got a phone call from a blocked number. I don't know why I kept answering the calls, but I did.
"Kate, my name is Anthony Swaze I'm a journalist for the Blitz. I really just want to know why you didn't speak out. I mean you realize there are thousands of other women who look up to you and are now realizing that maybe they should be ashamed of what happened to them because you're ashamed too? You are the reason that girls are killing themselves after they have been raped."
I immediately hung up feeling sick to my stomach. I wanted to curl up and cry, but I had to turn in my paper. We didn't have class today because we were supposed to finish our paper and turn it in. Luckily I had already finished it because I knew I had to go to therapy today. I turned in the paper and then went straight to the office. It felt worse than usual that day because I was still mulling over what the reporter said. I knew he was right. Girls looked up to me and if they saw that I was ashamed I'm sure they felt the same way. I was probably the reason a lot of girls had killed themselves and I could feel that guilt gnawing at my gut. My therapist pushed me to talk about the year I couldn't remember, fifth grade, but I couldn't remember it no matter how hard she tried to bring it back. I went home after therapy and curled up in bed eventually I must have fallen asleep.
I woke up in a run-down building. It must have been an old factory. The glass in the windows were gone and there was nothing but concrete floors and cold metal walls. My mom was standing over me with glassy eyes as she scratched her arm.
"K if you do this you will really be helping your mommy. If you don't want mommy to die you have to let the man who comes do what he wants. Maybe you'll deserve a Christmas present this year," she told me her voice raspy.
"My own bike?" I asked eyes going wide.
"It depends on how good you are," my mom replied. "Mommy is going to leave and the man is going to come okay?"
"Okay," I nodded pulling my coat closer to my body. It was cold, it must have been winter. I watched my mom walk outside and a man with greasy-looking hair and a limp came inside. When he smiled at me he was missing two teeth. He made me take off my clothes and then he took off his own.
"You're going to take care of me now," he told me.
I forced myself to wake up gasping for air. I was in a pool of sweat as I stumbled to the bathroom. I made it just in time to vomit into the toilet. I turned on the tub, so I could clean myself off. As I stood up and looked myself in the mirror I knew I couldn't do it anymore. I couldn't live with these memories. I couldn't live this life anymore. 

I have done enough damage and life has done enough damage to me. 

I scribbled those words onto my birth control prescription. I got into the tub with my clothes still on and pushed myself under holding my arms out to keep myself from floating up. The screaming pain in my chest distracted me from all the thoughts in my head.