Pairing Hearts |louis tomlinson|

Chapter 43

Over the next week we spent a lot of time at the beach, at the pool, and in the yard playing. Lilly loved swimming both in the pool and ocean. She loved jumping in the pool and swimming through the waves. During the day she was a bright happy kid who loved to run and play. She would eat anything you put in front of her and she loved hugs.
At night though, she would wake up screaming and sobbing from awful nightmares. Since I was such a light sleeper, I was always the one to sit with her and make her tea. The night before we were set to legally adopt Lilly she woke up sobbing again. I went to her room with a cup of tea and sat down on her bed.
"Lilly honey, it's going to be okay," I sighed rubbing her back. "You're safe. I promise you're safe."
She curled against my chest still shaking and sobbing. Eventually, she calmed down enough to sit up and take the tea from me. She leaned against me, her hands still shaking as she drank her tea.
"I'm sorry I always wake you up," she sniffed.
"You don't need to apologize," I said stroking her hair. "I will always be here to take care of you."
"You're going to adopt me tomorrow?" She asked sipping her tea.
"Yup tomorrow you will officially be part of our family," I nodded.
"So I can call you mom tomorrow?" She asked looking up at me with big eyes.
"Honey you can call me mom whenever you want," I said stroking her hair lightly.
"And I can call Louis dad?" She asked.
"Of course sweetheart," I nodded. "He would love that."
"My real dad was bad," Lilly said softly. I didn't say anything, but I rubbed her back gently. "Sometimes when I was too loud or I was bad my daddy would hit me and hurt me. That's why I get bad dreams."
"I'm sorry that happened to you," I sighed hugging her to me tightly. "I promise that no matter what you do, Louis and I will never ever hurt you. We will never touch you in a mean way."
"I know," she whispered. "I don't ever want to leave here."
"Well, I promise that you will never have to leave here after tomorrow," I said kissing her cheek.
"I can't wait to call you mommy," Lilly said handing me her mug and laying her head on the pillow. She was half asleep, her eyes were heavy and falling shut. I kissed her forehead and rubbed her back gently until she was breathing evenly and deeply.
When I got back to the bedroom, Louis was sitting up rubbing his eyes and looking confused. "Are you okay baby?" He asked as I climbed onto the bed. I shook my head curling against him as the tears started to fall down my cheeks.
"What's wrong love?" He asked rubbing my back and I knew that he had instantly woken up at the sign of a teardrop.
"She asked me if she could call us mom and dad after tomorrow," I said softly. "When I said she could call us that whenever she wanted, she told me her dad was mean to her. She said he used to hit her and hurt her when she was bad and that's why she has nightmares. Louis, I just don't understand how anyone could hurt her."
I felt Louis squeeze me a little tighter. "I don't know how anyone could hurt a child, especially one's as precious as you and her. It's not fair, but at least we know it won't happen again. Of all people to help her through this, it's you."
"You know I think the same thing about you," I said into his neck. "You were exactly what I needed and you are exactly what Lilly needs now."
"Everything happens for a reason," Louis said kissing my cheek. "Now let's get some sleep. We have a big day tomorrow."
--
The next day we woke up and ate breakfast quietly. I knew we were all nervous about the court process today. We already knew that the parents would not be coming, but it was nerve-wracking, nonetheless.
"Alright sweety we have to dress nice today, so make sure you wear one of your new dresses and brush your teeth and hair," I told Lilly as I took the dishes off the table.
"Okay," Lilly nodded. She ran to her room to go change as Louis and I washed the dishes and went to change ourselves.
"I'm really nervous about today," Louis sighed.
"I'm just praying that nothing goes wrong," I replied biting my lip.
"I talked to my mom this morning before you guys woke up," Louis replied. "Hopefully that helps."
"You know I'm so proud of you and she would be too," I said hugging him tightly. Louis changed into a suit and I changed into a knee-length dress.
"You look so hot in a suit," I said as we stood in the bathroom staring at the mirror.
"You're so beautiful love," Louis smiled rubbing my back.
"Do you like my dress?" Lilly asked running into the room and doing a spin for us. She was in a flowing yellow dress she had picked out a week ago.
"You look so pretty," I smiled down at her. Louis knelt down so that he was eye level with Lilly.
"Listen, because you're eleven and that means that you are old enough to have a say in who gets to adopt you," Louis said seriously. "I want you to know that although we will be sad, we would never be mad or disappointed in you if you decided that you didn't want us to adopt you. It's entirely your decision and nothing you do will make us love you less."
I wanted to cry at the thought of her saying she didn't want to live with us anymore, but overall I just wanted her to be happy.
"But what if I want you to adopt me?" She asked looking up at Louis with big eyes. "I want you to be my mommy and daddy. Do you want me? No one ever wants to keep me."
"Oh honey, all we want is to keep you," Louis said wrapping her in a hug, so she was pressed against his chest. "We love you so much and we want to take care of you for the rest of your life."
"Honey all I want is to be your mommy," I said kneeling down and joining the hug. Lilly turned to me and I stroked her cheek lightly.
"Whenever something happens that we don't always expect or want to happen, I always tell Louis that everything happens for a reason. I know that it must have been really hard having to move to lots of different houses, to think that people didn't want you, and to have mean parents, but everything happens for a reason and all those things led you to us. All those bad things happened, but they led you to two people who want you and love you more than anything else in the world," I told her. Lilly gave me the biggest smile and wrapped her arms around my neck tightly.
The court hearing went off without a hitch and by the end of the day, Lilly was officially part of our family. After court, we took Lilly to a little diner in the downtown area.
"Wow this place is so nice," she grinned as we sat in one of the vinyl booths. I looked around at the black and white tiled floors and cheap jukebox tucked in the corner remembering a time when I would have thought this place was somewhere only rich people could afford. I didn't go to a restaurant until I was in middle school when my friend's parents would take me.
"Only the best for you," I smiled as Louis placed his arm on the back of my chair.
"You can order anything you want, but you have to order a milkshake," Louis smiled holding out his paper menu to read.
"Really?" Lilly asked with big eyes. Louis nodded and the grin grew on her face.
We ate out dinner with lots of giggles and smiles. We taught her how to dip her French fries into her milkshake. She thought it was the funniest thing, but after one taste she was obsessed. I knew that Louis and I were both excited that this was going to be what the rest of our life would look like. We finally had a child we could spoil and love.
--
Many of our days were spent playing at the beach or in the pool. We introduced Lilly to Marcy, Bailey and her family, and eventually Karen, Steve, and the kids. Lilly was instantly attached to Marcy. I understood it. Marcy's personality had always been magnetizing. She was so confident and strong-willed and loyal. I loved that Lilly wanted to be so close to such a strong and powerful woman. Lilly also loved Bailey and Bella. She loved to play with Bella and hold her. I loved knowing the two were so close.
Before Lilly met Karen, Steve, and their family, we had to do a lot of explaining because although Lilly understood that family was complicated, she didn't understand that my past hadn't been perfect either.
"I don't understand, why don't you call him dad if he's your dad?" Lilly asked as we sat on the couch.
"When I was very young, my dad, Steve, left. I didn't see him again until a year ago. He was never really a dad to me. He didn't take care of me or talk to me. He never made tea for me or hugged me like Louis does for you. So I don't really see him as my dad, but we both have worked on our relationship and we love each other now."
"Is Karen your mom?" Lilly asked. She was sitting on Louis' lap with a thoughtful look on her face and I knew she was processing everything I was saying.
"No, Karen married my dad a long time after I was born. Their kids are Adam and Annie."
"Where is your mom?" Lilly asked.
"I don't know," I said biting my lip. "My mom was a bad person and so when I was old enough I left and I didn't ever talk to her again."
Lilly got off of Louis' lap and came to curl against my chest. "Did your mommy hurt you like my daddy hurt me?"
I didn't know what to say, I looked to Louis, who was watching us both with heartbroken eyes. "Well, she didn't hurt me like your daddy did, but she didn't take care of me," I said stroking her hair gently.
"Why are some mommies and daddies so bad? It's not fair," she said into my chest.
"It's not fair," I agreed, "but remember how I told you everything happens for a reason? I can take care of you and I can help you and I can be a good mommy because I know what a bad mommy is like."
"Do you like Karen?" She asked.
"I love her," I answered. "She is a good mommy."
"You're a good mommy and you're a good daddy."
"We love you so much," I said as Louis came to wrap us in a big hug. I hated that I had to have that conversation with her. I didn't want her to know that I hadn't had the best childhood. When she met Steve and Karen for the first time, I could tell she was really hesitant of them. She eyed them wearily. She easily grew to like Karen in that first visit, but she would hardly even look at Steve. It took a few visits before she would let Steve hug her and talk to her. She loved Adam and Annie as well. They all loved playing in the pool and out on the driveway together. I loved seeing them all play together. Karen was overjoyed to have a "granddaughter" and after a few visits Lilly was calling Karen, Mimi.
Ashley had moved out with her boyfriend about two weeks after we adopted Lilly, so we really hadn't heard anything from her since. Lilly didn't know that Ashley existed and Ashley most likely didn't know or care that Lilly existed either. When I would really think about it, my heart would hurt. Although Ashley had done some shitty things, she was the reason I was safe and happy. If she hadn't been willing to get me out of that house and take care of me until I was a legal adult, I know that I would have been living on the streets without a degree or dead. Ashley had saved me and taken care of me when I really needed it. I felt guilty and I felt sad that our relationship had crumbled so quickly and so completely, but there really wasn't much I could do anymore. She had become a person I no longer recognized. The first few weeks I tried to contact her and tell her about Lilly, but after those first few weeks of rejected and unreturned phone calls I gave up trying. Taking care of Lilly and supporting Louis were my number one priorities and if Ashley didn't want to be part of my life I couldn't force her.