Ours

nightmares

a/n:

tw // ptsd
cw // war & blood

×+×+×+×

He doesn't know where he is. There was a light blinding him, but he can't tell where it was coming from either.

The ground shook below him and he looked around the room, frightened. Explosions were suddenly coming from all around him. He closed his eyes, and someone was screaming right in front of him.

The scene changed, and he was in an operating room back in Iraq.

He couldn't hear anything, but ringing in his ears. The surgeon assisting him had a blurred face but he was sure their mouth was moving. He just couldn't understand any of it. The abdomen was filling up with blood, and no matter how much he kept on packing it with towels, the bleeding won't stop. He can't find the bleeder.

The sound of the machine connected to the patient, monitoring his vitals beeped into a long, flat line, and Ben was crying, screaming, stepping away from the patient. The sound from the machine kept getting louder, and he screamed one more time, covering his ears tightly.

Ben woke up with a jolt. He was sweating, and his heart was pounding in his chest.

He looked around, and he was in his bedroom, with Miranda beside him. She was still asleep, her breaths even. Oh, how he wished his sleep was as peaceful as hers.

The clock on their bedside read, 3:34 AM. Ben sighed, and wiped his face. Just then, he realized he'd been crying.

Moving slowly so as to not wake her up, he slid out of the bed, and went to the bathroom. Looking at his bloodshot eyes, and his red nose, he knew there was no going back to sleep.

After he washed his face, he sat on his side of the bed, watching Miranda's chest rise and fall. She was so damn beautiful. He kissed her forehead, before cuddling next to her. He was not going to sleep anymore, but he needed to hold her for a while.

She moved closer to him in her sleep so her back was pressed against his chest, and he breathed in, taking in her scent. Ben thanked God for her, because if it wasn't for Miranda, he would've descended into madness.

×+×+×+×

The next night, he had no nightmares, but in the day, he felt as if he was empty.

Ben spent the day on-call, and true, it was amazing, being able to stand in an OR and not fearing for your life. But everytime he stepped in, he felt like something was going to come out and attack him. Everytime.

Miranda walked up to him, as he was checking his patient's post-op chart. "Hey, wanna head to the cafeteria?"

She beamed at him, and he returned her smile. She always made him feel better. "Sure, just give me a minute."

She giggled and kissed his cheek. "Okay, meet me there."

After he'd rounded on his patients, he headed down to the cafeteria.

Ben met Miranda at the line. "Hey, baby." He kissed the side of her head. "What do you want to get?"

She scrunched her face up. "Spaghetti, maybe?"

"I'll get that too." He shrugged.

As they got to the end of the line, someone's tray fell with a loud noise, and it rang in his ears. He flinched, and closed his eyes, taking a second to stop.

"Ben, are you okay?" Miranda spoke gently, and touched his shoulder.

"I'm fine!" He lashed out, and took in a shaky breath. Her hand moved away from him in response. He didn't mean to do that. "I… I have to go."