With You // J.G

Chapter 28

Gabrielle's POV

Scars. Not many, but enough to notice that they weren't an accident. I run my fingers over the rigid lines engraved in his perfect skin. How could I never notice that he's been hurting? I'm so selfish. All he's been doing was paying attention to me and my problems, I neglected talking to him about his feelings and if he's happy.

"Jack... I'm so selfi-"

"No you're not," Jack interrupts. "These scars was caused by me, yes. But it was before I fell in love with you. You're the reason why I stopped, not why I started. There's no real situation or person responsible for why this happened to me. The only reason is something called cronic depressrion."

Jack's POV

I wake up feeling like staying in bed. I wake up feeling like shit. Not sick shit, but just shit. Like my mind, body and everything. I'm not used to feeling like this. I guess it'll pass over.

Ten minutes later and I feel the same. I have no will to get up or even breathe. I feel so disconnected from everything. From the world, my mind, my body.

What's happening to me? Just yesterday I was hanging out with Jack J, Sam and Nate. I was so happy and I felt like life couldn't have been better. It's a random day in the middle of tenth grade. It's like a switch in my brain had flipped from happy to sad. But worse than sad; depressed. It's weird because I'm living but I feel like I'm drowning and I don't even know why.

"Jack! You're going to be late for school!" my dad yells. Mom was already at school. I groan and turn over in my bed. Five minutes later my dad walks into my room.

"Jack!" he yells.

"I don't want to go today!!!" I scream back at him. All of a sudden, I burst into tears. Everything hurts. Physically and mentally. Everything seems to be black and white and drained of color.

"What's wrong?" Dad asks, sitting on the edge of my bed. I take a deep breath.

"I-I don't know."

"Do you feel sick?"

"I don't know."

Twenty questions and I don't know's later, my dad agrees to not letting me go to school. He calls me in sick and tells my mom about my spontaneous breakdown. I stay in bed all day and fall in and out of sleep. I don't even go on my phone or laptop. I just lay there feeling like shit and not knowing why. I have no appetite and no will to live. I don't want to feel like this. I don't even know what it is and that's scaring me.

When Mom gets home she quietly comes into my room. I stay staring into space as she sits on the edge of my bed.

"Sweetheart," she starts. "What's bothering you?" I feel drained and I have no energy to speak. All I do is stare through her as if she isn't there. Her eyes fill up with tears and I can't stand to see her like this. I use all the energy left in me (which isn't much) to speak to her.

"Don't cry, Mom. I don't know what's wrong with me." I sit up. "I woke up this morning feeling horrible. Nothing happened. I just felt that way." Mom looks at Dad, tears spilling down her face. Dad looks back at her with a glum face. It looks like they're telepathically having a conversation.

"A-Are you sure n-nothing happened? Bec-cause you can t-tell us anything," Mom says while sobbing. I nod. In this moment right now, I just want to scream at everyone to leave. I just want to be alone so I can collect my thoughts but I can't say that now. My mom's in tears and my dad looks like he's on the verge of crying. I hate knowing that I'm the reason for my parents' sadness. I'd rather just be responsible for my own, not theirs. They didn't do anything wrong.
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A few weeks later I still feel the same way but on and off. Some days are better and some are worse. I've begun to distance myself from everyone. My grades have been slipping and I've been isolating myself from everything.

My parents decided to take me to a doctor. They think I may have depression. I personally don't think so. But it's a good chance that I have it.

After the appointment the doctor told us that he thinks I have cronic depression. It's a depression that isn't caused by anything in particular. Not even he or any doctors and scientists knows what causes it. There are theories but it's basically the way I felt the day it started; a flip switched in my brain.

Each day I feel guilty because my parents are upset that I feel this way. I don't want to hurt anyone but I just want the pain to go away. Each day is a struggle because I'm constantly fighting with myself. I need a way to let the monsters inside of my body out. I walk into my room, lock the door and take the blade out of a hand pencil sharpener. I slowly cut my thighs. No one can see my thighs so my parents won't notice. Neither will Jack J.

In this moment I realize something. I remember my biggest fear as a kid were the monsters under my bed and in my closet. I always ran into my parents' room because I didn't want them to hurt me. I always jumped into my bed so the monster wouldn't grab my ankle and pull me under with it. I always asked my Mom to check the closet and then shut it so the monster wouldn't get me while I was sleeping. Now, I realized that those monsters--they're inside of me now.

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~A/N: Just in case you were confused, the part told from Jack's POV was a flashback haha👍 Hope you guys liked this chapter! Don't forget to check out bballgurl26 's fanfics and stuff they're AMAZINGGGG. Please vote and comment! Ily all😘😘