Wish I Had Time For Complicated

96. New York

Song "scars" tove lo

"Scars we carry
Carry with memories, memories burned by the dark
Try to see clearly
Tears we bury
Bury in vain cause the pain got us falling apart
Try to see clearly

Now let the healing start
The fires out of guns
We keep it in our hearts
We're like a thousand suns
Ooh, yeah, every day, step by step, we dare to love again
And if we lose our grip, meet you at the end

Know they're cutting you deep
Feel the scars in your sleep
What didn't kill us made us stronger
Stories left on our skin
Wear them with everything
What didn't kill us made us stronger"

6.01.2007

"New York? As in actual fucking New York?"

Linc asked,confusion lacing his clean shaven face and he and Vee shared an 'I don't know what the hell he's talking about' look.What the hell?Who even decides something like this so suddenly?

"Yea man,New York"

Michael confirmed,unable to hide his excitement anymore.When Sara and him were in Michigan for the celebration of the New Year they sorta decided that Chicago was way too much for them.The couple needed a change,needed a fresh new start.His loft,some people and places had tainted their hearts,staining them with the sorrow they both didnt want to remember anymore. And what better way to fix it than going to live in New York together?

"How did you decide it?Its so sudden."

Vee asked,her green eyes curiously but slightly worriedly searching Michael's glinting with happiness ones.Don't get them wrong,they were very happy for Michael and Sara, but they were gonna miss them terribly.It always hurt a bit when family departs to somewhere far.

"Just a fresh start.We both need it"

Michael beamed,trying to not let all that happened in the last year take over him.This was a new year,Sara was there with him,for him, she loved him and that was all that mattered.The engineer was more than convinced they would be great together and that their past burdens wouldn't get in the way.

"What about your jobs,the loft,everything"

Vee's rational part of the brain spoke before she could stop it.She was just scared for Michael to not get hurt again.Or Sara.Their family was finally at peace for once and them moving was a surprise.But she was more than happy for them.They both deserved the world.

"I'm selling the loft,talked to my boss, he'll do his best to transfer me to their building in New York.Sara already told her boss too.Its all being settled"

The engineer gave them both a smile to ease his family a bit.It wasn't easy for him to leave too,meaning that he wouldn't see Linc and Vee and LJ as often,but change was in the way and Sara and him both decided to grasp it as soon as possible.

"You're both crazy"

Linc laughed,his green eyes glinting as he got up and hugged his little brother.Whether it was Chicago or New York or the other side of the goddamn world,Linc was always gonna be there for him and support his sibling in Every step on the way.Even the spontaneous decisions.

"I'm so happy for you Mike,don't mind the tears"

Vee shrugged as she wiped the tear that fell on her cheek and got up to embrace him tightly,speaking more with that one single hug that any words could describe what she wanted to say.

"When will you be leaving?"

"We're hoping for the end of February" Michael asnwered,his voice filled with hope and joy for the best year of their life, hopefully followed by many more... Luckily.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"Its been a month since you divorced and you're quick to run away,when did you even decide this, Sara?"

Frank's judgmental voice echoed thru the walls of Sara's small apartment and she sighed heavily,rubbing her tense temple with one hand,already regretting having invited her father with the hope of a normal talk.He obviously couldn't do that.

"I need change,Chicago is strangling me.But of course you wouldn't even understand."

The doc scoffed,not even surprised that they were fighting...again.This was a completely normal thing ever since Grace died 19 years ago.

"And when were you gonna tell me you're moving away with an ex con?"

Frank's tone was sharp,full of judgement and disgust as he paced the living room,his sweaty palms digging into the pockets of his expensive black coat,a habit he had whenever he was irritated.

"How do you even know him when you haven't met?Oh,but let me guess, one of your too many people stalked me again so they could tell you what a failure of a man I'm with again.That's what it is!"

Sara yelled,throwing her hands in the air to prove a point that wouldn't be noted by her father anyway.Her heart was beating fast and she felt anger boiling in every pore in her body at the poor way Frank spoke about Michael.

"He was in prison,Sara!For god's sake.I still wonder how I didnt even recognize him on your birthday,two years ago.But I can tell you,he's bad news"

Frank yelled too,turning to face his so stubborn daughter.He was convinced she'd give him a heart attack someday.

"Why does that matter.I can actually count the times you've been on my birthday with me on one hand.And do you even know why he was there?Probably not,you only believe what your politic friends tell you and always refuse to listen to me,but hear me now.This man makes me happy and safe and content.I feel more myself with him than with anyone else.He's the man I intend on having kids wirh and marrying one day"

By the time Sara finished her speech her usually pale face was red and the air was leaving her nostrils like an angry bull ones and she only realized she was crying when hot furious tears fell down her cheeks.But the stubborn woman that she was,she quickly wiped them away,getting up to so she could be level on level with her father.

"Whether you like it or not,I make my own choices,I'm not a little girl and its not like you care anyways.But please,just please don't fight me when I'm leaving so soon.For once in my life actually be a father to me"

She cried out in frustration and hurt,trying to not fall apart.She just needed Michael.

And then, then Sara saw something in Frank's eyes than she hasn't seen before.Guilt,hurt,sadness.His shoulders slouched and he slowly moved to sit on the couch,looking at the floor as if processing her words one by one in his mind.But this couldn't make Sara feel bad.She had cried over these conversations way too many times to count.

"I'm so sorry for not being the father that you needed,Sara.I'm sorry"

His voice was low,the usual gruff in it completely gone and he wouldn't even look at his daughter.In her teary eyes he suddenly saw his wife Grace, on her final days and how he had held her hand, promising to give his best for Sara.

But instead,in his own sorrow and bitterness and self distraction,Frank resulted in fighting every possible way with his daughter.He was there when she was growing up,but not really.Just a ghost to the real world.And it was paining him now to see his daughter carry the same rocks on her own shoulders. He felt guilty.Beyond guilty.

Sara was actually surprised now as her copper reddened eyes observed the defeated man sitting on her couch.Things could of been different between them, but it was what it was and she wasn't gonna pretend that everything was fine just because he decided to apologized once.She was going to goddamn New York,she was gonna live with Michael happily and everyone could just stick a dick up their asses in her mind.

"I'm sorry too..."

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