I don't even know who i am anymore

Chapter 5 - flash and banter

Chapter 5

HEY GUYS I'M NOT DEAD!!!!!!!!

I'm really sorry for my absence I lost motivation to finish this but I've got it back now and I have to say, thank you for all the comments and votes it means a lot to me that you guys like my writing, I've improved a lot since the last time I uploaded so hopefully you'll like it. I love you guys. X

Also to all the people saying this was helping them, I love you and hope you get through this, it'll be hard no doubt. But I believe in you and my messages are always open. Also comment on any suggestions you have for the story. I read all your comments BTW ❤️

Peters POV

I must have blacked out the rest of the bus ride and all day until after school, I must have gone to auto pilot because I can't for the life of me remember anything that happened that day, I don't think I sat with Ned and mj. But then again weren't they mad with me? For what I didn't know, but at this point I'm just so lost that knowing anything would be a blessing I wasn't fortunate to have.

"Oi penis! Think you can avoid me by trying to be depressed and ignoring me? Like shit that would stop me"

I try to avoid him and concentrate on the music I somehow still had playing that for some reason my teachers hadn't made me take out, because I don't remember taking them out or putting them back in. 

I thought I was clear until flash pushed me into the lockers with enough force on my thin figure that it would surely leave a nasty bruise, not that I wasn't used to being in pain.

"Do you think a lowlife such as yourself above me peasant" flash practically spat at me

I flinched as of instinct and hoped and prayed he wouldn't see it but I've no such luck.

"Aww is the thing scared of a little beating? Bet it's parents beat it all the time- oh wait" he didn't even need to finish for me to know what he was referencing too as his goons laughed as if he'd just cracked the joke of the century.

Flash looked back at me as if asking for a rebuttal, I bit back my tongue to keep myself from giving him the satisfaction he craved.

Wrong choice yet again Parker

"It would seem-" flash began

"That this- thing - thinks it self above us" as he looked me up and down as if I were a bag of trash that had been handed to him

"Well- we'll have to teach it a lesson, won't we boys?" Flash looked around at his dim witted goons and smirked as he turned his frog like face back to me he leaned in close and said

"Listen here freak, you'll never survive here. I mean no one wants you to right? You know it, I know it those fools you used to call friends knew it. I mean why else would they leave you alone like the unlikeable orphan you are?"

I knew he had something to do with it, even if I'm not likeable they'd never leave me like that, mj, though she tries to hide it, loves Ned like a brother and would not force him to do anything he didn't want to (unless it was for his own good) and Ned was too loyal to leave, he felt bad not buying things door to door salesman bring to him, he'd do everything other than leave, but I guess- ugh I just don't know anymore.

"WHEN I SPEAK TO YOU, YOU ANSWER YOU WORTHLESS PIECE OF SHIT!"

In flash (get it) he'd thrown me to the ground and my earphones flung out of my ears and my phone slid across the phone, conveniently under one of flashes goons, Tyler's, foot. 

With a cruel smirk in my direction and a short stiff nod from flash, Tyler picked up his foot, and before I could say anything, brought it down and stomped on my phone- ultimately crushing it beyond use. For good measure I'd assume, he did this a couple of times while I was on the floor recovering from the pains of my freshly opened cuts on both my thighs and wrists.

All of flash's mob erupted into laughter and started to walk off, only to be stopped by flash who turned around and crouched down to my level. I turned my head around to look away, refusing to make eye contact. 

He roughly grabbed my face with his disgusting hands and ripped my face over to meet his murky brown eyes and horribly uneven attempt at a moustache. His horrid breath seared my nose and made me slightly recoil at the smell as he told me something that would ring in my head for longer than I ever thought.

"If you ever think for one moment that you will be worth anything to anyone, you are lying to yourself" with that, he spat in my face, slapped me and threw my face onto the ground. 

He walked away with his friends laughing, thought the one who broke my phone, Tyler, decided to come up and kick me as hard as he could in the stomach causing me to almost throw up, and fully lose all the air in my lungs. He jogged back to the group as flash nodded in approval and walked outside cackling to themselves and yelling slurs and swears at people walking past.

My vision started spotting a bit, but it's not like I wasn't used to it. But I'd made up my mind. I was going to try to stop cutting. I had to prove myself to flash, that I did mean something to someone, and I wasn't sure I was ready to go yet. 

And the pain I was feeling as I walked back to the tower doubled with each step until I was practically in tears by the time I researched the door to the compound. I wiped my eyes, took a deep breath and walked into the compound with a fake smile plastered to my face that was goddamn convincing if I do say so myself. 

I walked passed the helper at the desk with a nod and obviously I hadn't done that in a while because she looked taken a back for second, blinked and then nodded back with a smile before saying,

"I'm glad you're feeling better Peter, I was worried about you"

Lies it's all lies- that voice tried creeping back into my thoughts,but i was going to get better.

"Thank you dr Lewis, I was feeling a little down but I'm better now. Thank you for your concern."

"Call me Darcy kid, I'm practically your aunt at this point"

I smiled and said "ok Aunty Darcy" and walked away with the first hint of a genuine smile on my face that i hadn't had for what felt like years

I got into the elevator for my floor and got off.

I had to go through the living room/ kitchen area to get to my room so I kept that smile I had from toying with dr Lewis on my face as I walked in with my hood down for a change. Though my phone was still in that hallway, long forgotten.

"Hey kiddo" Mr Stark called out, though he seemed a bit reserved today, odd. But I brushed it off as not talking to him as much anymore.

"Hey mr stark"

"You feeling better kid?" I didn't miss the tone of hopefulness in his words, spider sense after all.

"Yeah, I was just tired from patrol and not having enough time to eat and stuff but I've been taking care of myself and now I feel better."

Lies

All lies

Why take care of yourself when you could just kill yourself?

No one would miss you

If you think anyone will ever care about you, you are lying to yourself

Remember

You

Are

Nothi-

"Kid? You good there? Do you- I mean you don't have too but I mean if you're up to it- do you want to maybe, talk? Like , about how you've been feeling lately?"

I tried not to change my state because that might let on with went as ok as I'd managed to fool him, and seemingly, myself

"You know Mr Stark, that would be great, except I've nothing to talk about, so what about if I go shower get changed and then we could all watch a movie? Or we could just watch a movie? But you know how that gets, Clint joins, Steve joins and then before you know it, you can't hear the movie because Natasha and Clint are arguing whether it's harder to be a stripper or a prostitute." True story.

"You know what kid, that sounds perfect." He gave me his signature half smile and went off to organise things with the team.