𝑂𝑢𝑡 𝑂𝑓 𝑇ℎ𝑒 𝐷𝑎𝑟𝑘

13

May 15, 2020

📍Cemetery

Amena Armani Kelly

"I know both of y'all rolling over in y'all grave right now but i done grew up so get over it"

"but y'all for real i'm scared, what if he just leave, i don't wanna scare him away" I said

I've gotten used to coming to my dad and brothers grave now since I don't lash out anymore, or cry as much. Right now I'm having a full blown conversation with them.

I've been here since 12 and right now it's 1:56.

"Everytime i get close, attach myself to someone, or find happiness in someone they always seem to leave, i think i'm the problem"

"like you guys, i know you had no control over it but at the end of the day you left me, and mom she left me because she felt like it and crazy thing is I still love that woman to death, and then marquise, he made me happy, after losing both of you then mom i thought he understood me, i tolerated so much from him because i thought he was the one for me when really i was just blinded by my pain. I didn't want to lose anyone else so I took it. What me and Kb have right now is going good, He has no reason to up and leave me, we have no commitment so we have no expectations for each other."

"Yea yea i know, as much as i don't want to admit it, he grew on me but i'm not gonna let my feelings get in the way of what we got going on if it's already going good."

"abandonment issue ?!? Siah you think i got abandonment issue"

"daddy what you think ?"

"ion like how y'all ganging up on me, i already got BPD, and anger issues, ain't that enough ?"

"alright, alright i hear y'all, but i'm gonna address it when i'm ready"

"which is never" i mumbled

"well y'all it's 2, and i've been here since 12 so i'm gonna go now."

"I love Daddy" I said then kissed his headstone.

"I love you Jasiah" I said then kissed his headstone as well.

•

•

•

Since I got back home I've been doing tattoos back to back all day. It's currently 8.

I'm literally just now getting done with my last client for the day, i had to have made at least 900 today, including tips.

I'm freaking exhausted, hungry, and my wrist hurt. I'm taking a hot bath then getting into bed, imma just ask Kb to get me food.

Kaenan🙄🧡

Facetime Connecting...

whatchu want guh

ion like how you answered the phone but imma let it slide

wasn't finna do shit anyways

anyways, can you bring me some food please i'll cash app you

yo ass is always eating

bro i'm tired as fuck and hungry stop playing

I ain't yo bro

okay cousin, the fuck its a yes or a yes

no

________________________________________

"i know this nigga did not just hang up on me" I mumbled looking at my phone crazy