Breathe

Chapter 44

"The loneliest moment in someone's life is when they are watching their whole world fall apart, and all they can do is stare blankly." -F. Scott Fitzgerald, The Great Gatsby

"Vanessa!" Val says when I walk in her house.

"Hey," I say and smile. Her house looks different than it did the last time I visited. Her family must've painted and bought new furniture. The new feel of her house reminds me that I've been wanting to redo my room. I'll have to do that sometime soon because it keeps slipping my mind.

"It feels like forever since we've had a sleepover."

"Probably because it has been forever," I say and frown.

"Two months of drama to catch up on."

"I know!"

"Well let's make some food and put in a movie first."

We walk into her kitchen and head straight to the refrigerator. She opens the handle to find the inside completely full.

"I'm glad my mom went shopping," she says. Val takes a cheesecake out of the fridge and sets it on the counter. I pull out a container of diced watermelon and search for two forks. How does she have watermelon? It's December. I shrug my shoulders and return to the fridge.

"Champagne or wine? We're being classy tonight," she says, smirking.

"You can pick." I say, laughing. Valerie has always had this dream of growing up in a classy house. She only drinks wine because it's classy and the color looks elegant. I think she has adapted to the taste, though. Similarly to when I was younger and hated coffee, I eventually drank enough of it and learned to love it. Val has learned to like the taste of wine, although she prefers sweeter ones. 

We grab the cheesecake, watermelon, and white wine and head to her basement. Now that I walk down here, I realize that the layout of her basement is strangely similar to Luke's. It's mainly one gigantic room with couches, televisions, and a surplus of space. 

"What movie?" I ask.

"Anything's fine." I head over to her movie cabinet and open it. She has more movies than a person could possibly need. When we were younger, we would buy a new movie every week for when we had our sleepovers on Fridays. It was quite the tradition.

I pick The Great Gatsby off the shelf and pop it into the DVD player. Valerie figures the rest of it out because I don't know out how to work her new television. I've seen this movie at least five times already, but I might as well watch it again. It's a classic.

Once the movie starts playing, Val opens the wine bottle and fills our glasses higher than normal. I roll my eyes and she smirks. I take a sip as does she. She must have opened an expensive bottle because it tastes amazing.

"Spill all your secrets, Val," I say. I can see in her eyes how much she wants to tell me about everything she's been up to.

"You know me too well. I don't know where to begin!"

"Well I'm sure you're wanting to talk about Ashton. How are you two since you worked things out?"

"Perfect, really. We lost track of time and spent five hours walking downtown last weekend. Wait, speaking of that, I found this old bookstore downtown that you would die over," she says and my eyes widen. I just started a collection of old books to display in my room. 

"Maybe we can go tomorrow, or next weekend."

"Sounds like a plan. We haven't been shopping in a long time either," she says and sighs.

"I know. Is this what growing up feels like? Because I'm not a fan."

"Me either. I'm not prepared to take on responsibility," she says, using finger quotes to emphasize her word.

"Isn't it weird to think we're halfway done with this school year? Next year is our last year of high school, and then we'll be off to college. What if we forget about each other?"

"I don't think that will happen. We've been friends too long to separate."

"I suppose you're right. Have you decided what you're majoring in?" I inquire. Valerie has changed her mind at least five times this year. There are too many careers that she wants to pursue, so she's having a tough time choosing only one.

"Well, you know me. At the moment, I'm leaning towards psychiatry, but I might change my mind by the time I apply for college," she says and I nod. I also thought about going into psychiatry, but with my past, I don't know if I'd be strong enough to handle it. That's okay, though.

Speaking of college makes my body feel tense every time the subject pops up. A fresh start should sound refreshing, but it doesn't. It sounds scary and uncomfortable. I don't want to be alone again because when my mind is left alone, I scare myself. I don't want to go back to that place. My mother and I talked about this the other day. She keeps assuring me that I'll be fine. I'm trying to believe that her words will be true.

Luke avoids the college subject. It's almost as if he refuses to believe that I'll be going to college. Honestly, Luke doesn't even need to attend college because of his family's wealth, but he can't sit around doing nothing his entire life. I haven't heard anything from him about what majors he would be interested in. Like I said, he likes to avoid the subject. If we're still together then, that would be an entirely different path to cross. What if we are still together then? What happens if we go to different colleges?

"What are you thinking about?" Val says, waving her hand rapidly in front of my face. I'm glad she interrupted my thoughts because they were only going down a negative path.

"Nothing. Just simply thinking." I tilt my glass up to my lips and notice that it's empty. Valerie grabs the bottle and refills my glass. I probably shouldn't be drinking. I'll just end up drinking away my sorrows.

Valerie continues to persistently ask me if I am okay. I tell her I'm fine, because I am. Just because I'm worried about growing up doesn't mean there's something wrong with me. Everyone's afraid to grow up, except children.

After some time passes, her side of the conversation is on the topic of Ashton. She talks about him for what seems hours. I continually watch the movie and hum every once in a while so she knows that I'm listening. Who knew I could multitask so well?

There's about twenty minutes of the movie left when I notice Valerie has fallen asleep. We used to stay up until five in the morning, but it's barely midnight. Maybe we really are getting old.

I finish the movie, getting a little emotional at the end. Okay, so really emotional. I take the drinks, glasses, and food and return them upstairs to her kitchen. I'm not in the mood to sleep yet, but I guess I could. Luke has gotten me into the habit of staying up until at least three in the morning almost every weekend. We can't help that we get caught up talking…or doing other things.

I walk downstairs to the basement with a few blankets in my hands. After laying one over Val, I lay down on a nearby couch. The soft beating of my heart, reminding me that I'm alive, is the only sound present as my mind slowly falls asleep for the night.

…

Hiiiiii cutie pies :) I'm going to write shorter chapters more often so you don't have to wait so long for updates! So vote fast and I'll write fast, deal? 

So this book is just dragging on and it kind of sucks, so I'm going to hurry it up a little so we can get to the actual plot line/climax ok :)) 

The next few chapters will probably be Christmas chapters since that's the time period in the book haha :) And then things will get interesting ok yay love you guys :)

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