Breathe

Chapter 55

"You were like coming up for fresh air. It's like I was drowning and you saved me. That's all I know." -Derek Shepard, Greys Anatomy

I wake up completely confused. Where am I? My eyes rapidly scan the room to realize I'm laying in the guest room at Michael's house. The last memory I have from last night is Michael explaining to me his theory of afterlife. It was quite interesting.

Usually I don't wake up in the middle of the night. I realize that the distant mumbling out in the hallway woke me.

"She spent the night with you?" I hear disgust laced in the words.

"Would you keep your fucking voice down? She fell asleep after a long day, and I put her in the guest room to sleep. I wasn't going to wake her up and make her drive home," Michael says.

"You could've fucking called me," he replies. I know it's him and my breathing becomes irregular. I don't think I've ever heard him so bitter.

"So you could break her heart even more? Sounds like a great plan."

"I told you to keep an eye on her. Not have her stay the night at your house."

"Then maybe you shouldn't have fucking left her in the first place. She's going to wake up if you don't keep your fucking voice down," Michael says, but I can hear both of them very clearly. The house is absolutely silent except for their voices.

They keep softly yelling at each other with cuss words in almost every sentence. My breathing is highly irregular and tears start falling down my cheeks, but it doesn't feel like I'm crying yet. The amount of tears makes my nose stuffy and I'm unable to breathe out of it. While my lungs struggle to find oxygen, my head begins throbbing uncontrollably.

"Make it stop. Make it stop," I quietly chant to myself. Make the pain stop. Make my head stop hurting.

My tears fall quickly, and I start to really cry. Soft screams and moans flow out of my mouth uncontrollably while the pain from the last few days finally starts to sink in. I've refused to accept everything that's happened until now. Everything is crashing down on me.

"Make it stop!" I scream softly. The voices in the hallways, drowned out by my cries, go silent. Footsteps run towards the room I'm in, and I see him. I used to get butterflies seeing him, but now I feel the need to throw up.

I can hardly breathe because of my stuffed nose and tight throat. Luke and Michael stand in the doorway with their eyes almost popping out of their heads. Fucking help me, I want to scream at them. Nothing comes out of my mouth.

Michael rushes to the side of my bed and grasps both of my arms in attempt to calm me down, but the anxiety attack only builds.

"Don't touch her," Luke grumbles.

The pressure building inside my head is almost unbearable. "Make it stop. Make it stop! Make it stop!" I scream with all the air I can gather.

Luke moves his hand towards me, trying to caress my face.

"Don't touch me!" I say without thinking. My voice is panicked.

"Vanessa. Vanessa. Look. At. Me." Michael's voice is calm.

"Get him out. Make him leave," I say, softer this time. My voice has changed from scared to broken.

Lines from his letter invade my memories.

I won't be coming back to you.

You'll be better off without me.

I can't be what you need anymore.

I love you. Always.

The words still burn like they did the first time I read them. Or the seventeenth time I read them trying to figure out what I did wrong.

By the time I can see out of my tear-filled eyes again, he's not in the room.

"Make it stop," I say quietly. Michael sits next to me and pulls me into his chest. My breathing is still sporadic, but it's becoming more regular as time passes.

Two minutes pass and my breathing intervals return to normal. Once it becomes easier to breathe, my headache slowly eases.

"Breathe. Just breathe," Michael says softly, still holding me.

"I'm sorry," I say and my voice cracks. "I don't know what happened."

"Shhh. It's not your fault."

"I couldn't make it stop," I say softly.

"It's okay. He's gone now," Michael says. This should be comforting but I can't help the slight agony that accompanies his words. He's gone now.

...

hiiii my loves :))

I'm glad some of you still read this! I hope to finish this book by the end of the year and hopefully get back into writing more!! I'm working on my plotline for my upcoming Harry fanfic :DD

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