Breathe

Chapter 56

"And in the end, we were all just humans, drunk on the idea that love, only love, could heal our brokenness." -F. Scott. Fitzgerald

"I need water," I tell Michael.

"I'll get you some."

"No, no. I need to walk around. Thanks though," I say with an attempted smile.

My muscles ache as soon as I stand. The more I walk, the better I'll feel. I've been so tired lately, and not just the sleep-related tired.

I open the cupboard above the sink and pull down a plastic cup. Holding the cup under the ice dispenser, the fridge fills my cup with ice followed by water.

The cold rush of water down my throat feels beyond refreshing. I finish the cup and throw it in the sink. I hold onto the edge of the countertop and breathe in and out slowly. Everything will be fine. I'll be okay. I have to be.

After leaving the kitchen, I step on a small orange bottle. Ouch. I pick it up and pills rattle around inside. I read the fine print. Vanessa Moore. Take one tablet by mouth daily. Mirtazapine. What? I'm not on any medications.

I pull out my phone and look up the word Mirtazapine. Mirtazapine is used to treat depression.

I step back into the room and look at Michael. "What the fuck is this?" My voice is angry but panicked.

"It was in Luke's hand when he came in. He must've dropped it. I'll give it back to him if you want," Michael says casually. He doesn't know what it is.

"I have to go," I say and walk out of the room.

"Vanessa?"

"I'll call you later."

I rush out of Michael's house and into my car. How am I supposed to even find Luke? Maybe he's at home finally.

The car accelerates towards his house while adrenaline rushes through my veins, making my head throb. I have so many questions, but I know once I see him again they'll all vanish into thin air.

He was acting so protective earlier. It made him act like a dick, but I know he was just hurting. I saw his eyes. I can still read him so easily.

I pull into his driveway, and a uneasy feeling hits me. I haven't been here since we left for that party. It's scary how time works, never going back and constantly moving forward.

The front door is unlocked. No lights are on in the front rooms of the house. I walk towards the kitchen to see one dim light lit up on the back patio. Luke's sitting in a chair staring at the water. I open the door and he starts speaking within moments because he somehow knows it's me.

"You know, I still remember the first night we met. I hurt you that night. You fell on the ground and started bleeding. I bandaged you up. You were so beautiful and you didn't even know it," he says softly and pauses. "You told me how about your fourth grade dance recital and how you fell down while your group was dancing in a line, and your entire class fell down with you. I told you about my family. I'd never been so open about them before that, and you were a complete stranger." His words make me weak, but I need to remember why I'm here.

"We need to talk."

"I know."

"What are these?" I ask, raising the orange pill bottle up.

"Where'd you get those?" His voice becomes lower.

"On the floor at Michael's house. You dropped them."

"Why did you have them? I didn't ask for a prescription. I've never taken pills. I don't understand."

"I put them in your coffee every morning," Luke says shamefully.

"Are you serious? You had no right doing that!"

"I was trying to help," he pleads.

"Giving these to me without my consent is beyond illegal," I say raising my voice.

"Your parents use to give them to you before me. You started spending so much time with me that you weren't home often enough for them to give you them every day. They explained everything to me and I agreed. I was trying to help you."

"I didn't need your help."

"Vanessa, depression can be serious. We wanted the best for you."

"I'm fine! I don't want to be your fucking charity case," I say, my temper spiking.

"You're not my charity case! You're my entire world. I wanted you happy."

"I thought you made me happy. Maybe it was just the stupid pills the entire time," I spit. Every word that comes to mind leaves my mouth without a filter. I didn't mean that.

"I don't believe that," he says but I stay silent. "You don't believe it either. You're saying things because you're mad. Babe, I'm so sorry for everything. None of this was supposed to happen the way it did."

"According to your stupid letter, I'm not your babe anymore." I have such a temper, shit.

"Why are you acting so different?" he implores.

"I'm trying to keep myself together. It's harder than you think," I murmur.

"I know exactly how hard it is."

"Don't try and win my sympathy right now."

"You're being so...cold."

"You dropped off a letter with my mom and left me."

"At the time, I thought it was the best thing for you. That night made me think you were better off without me. It was a poor judgement call."

"Clearly it wasn't since this is the first time we've talked since you left. It didn't seem like you had intentions of coming back. You wouldn't have written the letter if you loved me."

He stops and puts his hands in his face. "I can't explain what was going through my head then. Never once in that letter did I ever say I didn't love you. I still love you. I'll never be able to love anyone else," he whispers and pauses. "You ruined me, in the best way possible."

...

hiiiii :)) I feel like I'm literally never going to finish this fanfic I hate myself

literally idk if this book has even made sense the past like 10 chapters omg. it's because I only write once a month so sometimes I forget what's all happened and it makes it difficult to write. sorry :((

I've only planned this book up until now so idk where to go from here. we'll see??

love you cuties! 25 votes for another chapter? :D

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