Breathe

Chapter 28

"In the end, it's not the years in your life that count.  It's the life in your years." -Abraham Lincoln

My eye contact with Luke is filled with so much emotion that I feel the need to look away.  I'm scared to touch him in such an intimate way since I have such little experience.  I've dated a few guys before, but nothing serious happened in any of the relationships.  I kissed them, but I never actually had a lot of feelings for them.  It was nothing like the feelings I have for Luke.  We have never talked about people we've dated in the past, and I hope we never do because that always seems to cause fights from what I've heard.

Luke lays down in the middle of the bed on top of all the blankets.  I follow his actions and straddle his lap.  My heart rate increases the same way it always does when I'm around him.  My hands are shaking and unfortunately, I can't stop them.  I press my hands to my thighs in effort to hide it.

"Are you okay?" Luke asks, taking my hands in his.

"I'm nervous," I admit and bite lip.  I know that drives him crazy.

"We don't have to do anything if you're not ready," he says with sincerity.

"It's not that, I'm just not sure what to do," I mumble and cover my face with my hands to hide from embarrassment.

"Hey," he says and pulls away my hands, "That's not something to be embarrassed about.  Is this your first time doing this?"

"Yes," I whisper.

"You don't understand what that means to me.  I like that you haven't done this with anyone else," he explains and I flush.  A minute ago I was confident and running my hands over his pants, and now I'm scared to even look him in the eyes.  I'm confusing myself.  "I'll show you, okay?" Luke leans forward and presses a kiss to my lips.  I can feel him flinch from the kiss, but this time I'm too selfish to pull away just yet.  The cool metal lip ring adds a new feeling to his kiss, only turning me on more than usual.

"Wait," I say and reach for the hem of his shirt. I pull it up and over his head, throwing it towards the floor.

"If my shirts coming off, yours is too," he says. I nod, and he pulls my shirt over my head, and throws it on the floor on top of his. "You're so sexy," he whispers and kisses my the skin that covers my heart.  The words throw me off guard because no one's ever called me sexy.  Luke's the only person who makes me feel like the words are true.

"Okay, now what?" I ask, blushing.

"So eager…I like that," he says.

He takes my hands in his and lead them the button of his black jeans.  I undo the button and pull the zipper down slower than necessary.  Together we slide his jeans down his legs until he's left in black boxers.

My hands are shaking now more than before and I wish I could make it stop.  Up until now, I've forgotten that we aren't the only people in the house.  Hopefully no one comes looking for us.

"Relax baby," he says and kisses both of my hands, calming me.  "Come here," he says pulling my mouth to his.

"I don't want you in pain," I pull back from his lips and frown.

"It's not that bad," he smiles and returns his lips to mine.  I know it's slightly hurting him, but his lips are the only thing that calms my nerves, so I'm going to be selfish again and continue kissing him.

I skim my hand over the top of his boxers, and I can feel a noticeably larger bulge.  My eyes refuse contact with his because of my embarrassment, so I continue looking at the growing bulge.  The lighting in the room is quite dim because the brightness is adjustable on the switch. The lack of light makes me less nervous for what I'm about to do. I use every ounce of confidence in my body and slide my hand down his chest into his boxers.  I cup my hand around his length and stroke it up and down slowly.  Luke lets out a loud moan of relief so I assume I'm doing okay so far.  I continue slowly stroking him as his gasps and moans become more frequent.