Breathe

Chapter 52

"I don't want just words. If that's all you have for me, you'd better go." -F. Scott Fitzgerald, The Beautiful and the Damned 

 I wake up with pain in my hand. What a wonderful way to start my morning. My mother is standing in the corner of the room staring at me. She looks like she's holding back tears. "

How are you feeling?" she asks softly. 

 "Fine," I mumble. "How are you?" 

 "Okay." 

 "Where did Luke go?" I ask and she looks at the floor. When her head looks back up, she's staring at the table beside me. My name is scribbled on an envelope. It's his handwriting. 

 I reach over and take it in my hands. "What is this? Did you read it?" 

 "No," she whispers. "But he told me what's inside." 

 "What is it?" I say, louder. 

 "I'll give you some time, darling," she says and walks out of the room before I can yell at her for more answers. 

"Mom!" I yell. I carefully rip open the envelope and pull out a piece of paper full of scribbles. 

 Vanessa, 

 Please, please do not hate me. My intentions are pure. I'm trying to keep you safe. This is hard to do and I'm not sure where to start, so I'm going to be straightforward. 

I won't be coming back to you. 

That's hard to process, I know. I can barely write it down on paper. I wouldn't be able to tell you this in person, which is fucking horrible of me, and I hate myself for it. But I love you too much to be able to say this to you in person. I wouldn't be able to do it. I don't want to leave, but it's best for you. 

 We shouldn't be together anymore. I feel like you get hurt around me too often. What would happen the next time my parents got us mixed up in their mess? You could have easily died today. Those men were heartless. I know their intentions were not to kill you, but that doesn't mean they couldn't have.

 I know you want to know what happened last night. I want to tell you everything so you're completely aware of what happened, but I also want to spare you the details. I heard you hit the floor and I told them where the information was immediately. I hid it in a book in your library at my house. I have a bad feeling they may have destroyed the whole room. I haven't been home since we left last night.

 Those men sprayed some sort of gas in your cell to knock you out. I told them about where the information was, but being the bastards they were, they purposely tried to shatter your wrist. I don't know why they did that. I crumbled to the floor screaming. I don't recall much what happened after that. My vision went a little black. I don't know where to begin apologizing for that. I'm so, deeply sorry. You know I would have endured the pain for you if I could have. 

 They released me from the cell a few minutes later. I grabbed your body and ran. I think I ran half a mile before I found a taxi that took us to the hospital. A nurse grabbed you from me and said I couldn't see you for a while. I sat in the waiting room with your parents for hours. Your mom cried the most. I've never seen anyone cry so much. That's when I knew I had to do this. 

 Jake and Anne haven't been home either. They're safe. My parents are safe too. I'm not sure where they are, though. They left town after they knew we were safe. There's a few men they hired to look after us for a few weeks..just to ensure we're in the clear. I offered to hire a few men for you too, but your parents refused. I think they might hate me. 

 I think Jake and I are moving. Like I said, I haven't been back to the house but I don't want to go back. I think I need a fresh start, as do you. The house is filled with so many memories of us. It would kill me to live there anymore. 

 I promise I'll return everything of yours to your house eventually. Until I'm ready to go home, I'm staying elsewhere. I can't tell you where. You can't come after me. I need you to be strong. 

 I want you to know how much I love you. More than I've ever loved anyone before. I don't want to leave you. It's so hard to do. This will be good for you, eventually. It may hurt at first, but it should get better. I'm going through the same thing you are. 

 It pains me to think of you with someone else. The thought of you getting hurt because of me pains me more. Maybe you'll find a normal boy someday. Maybe he will be good for you. Maybe he won't hurt you and cause trouble. And maybe he won't overwhelm you with money. I know I always did that. I never meant to. It was inadvertent. I only wanted you happy and money seems to make people happy. You were different, in a good way. 

You were good for me. You helped me through a lot, and I really needed that. I hope I was good for you. I only ever wanted to make your life better. I know you've been through a lot, too. I wanted you happy. I want you to always be happy. 

 I'm not sure how to end this. I don't want this letter end because that means I actually have to give you up. I don't want to move on. You'll be better off without me. I can't be what you need anymore. You need someone to keep you safe. I love you. Always. Goodbye, Vanessa. 

Yours always, 

 Luke 

 I throw the letter on the floor and turn to my side as tears fall relentlessly down my cheeks. I hit the button beside my bed to turn off the lights. Fuck him. How could he possibly think this is what's best for me? I can't deal with this right now. I close my eyes and drift off to sleep.

... 

FUCK IT'S BEEN LIKE 3 WEEKS SINCE I UPDATED WHAT HAPPENED 

IM SORRY THIS CHAPTER SUCKS AND YOU GUYS KNOW I SUCK AT WRITING LETTERS UGH 

I'll stop yelling now but anyways I leave tomorrow morning for Chicago for a week omg my fav city :DD

voting goal: 30 votes?! I doubt I'll have time to write during my trip but I will try :)) love you guys!! 

twitter: @roselacestyles