Love With Abandon

Rising from the Ground

Standing behind the stage, I was too miserable to be nervous.

I was about to do the most important audition of my life. And I was crying like an idiot, mascara dripping all over my face, bed head, wearing baggy sweats and a sweatshirt that drooped off me like dead roses in a vase.

"Angelica, you're up next."

Those were the words I dreaded. I knew I would mess up.

But the time had come, and it would be more embarassing if I backed up now. Hastily, I wiped my eyes one last time, and slowly trudged up the steps of the stage, already setting a bad impression on the judges and audiences of the X-Factor.

~~~

"Hello, what's your name?" Simon asked hesitantly, taking in my appearance.

"I'm Angelica Hastings, from Accord, New York, and I am 17 years old," I responded, fumbling with my sleeve. I could see the judges grimacing at my appearance, and frankly, I didn't care. Not the judges opinion, or the millions that could be watching me on television.

"Okay, and why do you think you have the X Factor?"

"I have a good feeling about this, and I feel like this is my destiny," I lied, uncomfortably.

"And what do you imagine yourself doing in the future?"

Becoming a worthless peice of shit. " I don't know. The future is the future, and no one can see it."

Rihanna chuckled, and Simon gave her a death glare. I just stood there, almost thankful. I was beginning to think I was being dull. "What song are you singing for us today?"

"I'm singing Brigh- scratch that, I will be singing Skyscraper, by Demi Lovato," I said, making a last minute change from Brighter than the Sun by Colbie Calliat.

"We're ready when you are."

Skies are crying, I am watching

Catching teardrops in my hands

Only silence, as it's ending, like we never had a chance.

Do you have to make me feel like, there's nothing left of me?

I drifted into my own world, and was once again relived the past week, and Bryan's betrayal, and the intense hurt and self loathing he had caused me.

***

I was knocking on his door, hoping to be consoled by Bryan as he always did when my mother yelled at me for being a worthless child, and making me feel generally unloved.

When no one opened, I walked away, and saw Bryan making out with a girl in his car across the street. I was so angry, patches of red tinged my vision. I flung open the door, and smacked him in the face. I remember being shocked, as I was always so timid in everyone, and especially Bryan's, prescense. Bryan immediately snapped out of it, and pushed me on the ground. Gravel scraped my legs, cut into my face. Then he socked me in the face, for the first time, being violent to me, and losing his temper.

I was upset, and I remember regretting all the moments we had together. This was not the boy I fell in love with. The Bryan I knew was a kind, gentle, understanding man who respected me and my needs. This Bryan was the exact opposite.

"You worthless piece of shit. How dare you? How dare you even cry over what you brought to yourself? I put up with you for years, listened to you complain about your fucking family, and how you have a crappy life, how you have no friends. You'd better be grateful. Now leave me, leave my life, because we are so over," he spat at me, angry, annoyed.

He left, driving away with his new fling, and leaving me crying silent tears in the middle of the road.

Even today, I had no idea what was coursing through my veins the moment I saw his betrayal. I didn't know if the red tinging my vision was the anger of his betrayal, of having hope torn away from me, or simply the anger of living such a depressing, hopeless life. What I did know was that nothing compared to what I was feeling then. Bryan was my life ring, and it was like a tsunami filled with rage, hatred, and selfishness hit us, tearing us apart. After my parents were done trampling over my heart, playing with my love, my heart was wounded. It was starting to shatter; but Bryan kept it together, letting it heal slowly. Just when I started to remember to forget the pain, he reminded me again, giving it a final punch.

That was the day I knew I had to break away; from my unloving my parents, my brother, from Bryan, from the small town of Accord, where the town was so small, gossip would spread like wildfire. That was the day I decided to join X-Factor.

But from then on, my life was changed. I no longer had even the meager self-confidence I used to have. How could I, when the only person that I believed truly loved me, stopped even caring for me, and now saw me as a worthless wreck?

***

The song was finished, and I could feel tears streaming down my face, and I hastily wiped them away, embarrased, the judges and audience staring with something I couldn't place, while they waited for me to snap out of my trance.

"Wow." Taylor Swift exclaimed. "That was amazing. Your emotions were so palpable, and I could feel everything you felt. I mean, I literally wanted to go to my room, and cry with my cat. That was magic, right there."

"I have to agree. That was amazing, one of the best auditions I've ever heard. I know what you are going to be doing in the future. I see you singing until at least the finals," Simon declared.

"I'm speechless. There's nothing to say." Cory Monteith shrugged.

"That was absolutely amazing. You are better than many of the most well known artists I know." Rihanna stated.

"Let's put it to a vote then. Rihanna?"

I left the stage with four yeses, and the judges managed somehow, to coax a small smile from me.

I was breaking away.

~~~

A/N: Hey guys! Comment on what you thing about the story, and what I need to improve on. Don't be afraid to be rude, but no threats please! This is a fanfic, because they're fun to do. Tell me who you want it to be about. Bye!

PS: Video is obviously NOT me...