Love With Abandon

A New Life

Getting through to Boot Camp was surprising, but it was still numbed by Bryan. I wanted anyone to love me. My parents said they loved me, but anyone could see it was fake. They only loved the me they wanted me to be. But I would never be that. I knew I could not win X-Factor. I was nothing, I am nothing, I will be nothing but a worthless piece of scum that will amout to nothing, just as Bryan said. I was worse than a blonde bimbo. There was no pain equivilant to that.

Most grieve the fact that they have no friends, no family, no one they can rely on. What would pain them even more is having all that, knowing that they are supposed to love you, they could love you, but they can't. Because you're too worthless.

From day one, everyone made excuses for their love. They said they cooked for me, drove me to school, bought clothes for me. But I saw through their facade a when puberty hit. They didn't take the time to know what you liked to eat, what you did at school. They didn't take the time to listen to you, to understand you, to care. They didn't care that when they called you stupid, fat, ugly, that you actually cared what they thought. You come to realize that if they loved you, they wouldn't make excuses, for their uncaring attitude. That if they loved you, they wouldn't want you to be anyone else but yourself. If someone loved you, you wouldn't have to escape the world everynight into someone else's world, in a world of pain, into a world that isn't yours. And the realization makes you feel like you don't belong in this world.

My escape was always through song, through listening to the lyrics, through listeneing to every emotion that the writer and singer felt. I was avoiding my life. Yet it wasn't good enough. Whenever something relating to my life came on, I would start bawling. And that, it seemed, is what everyone wanted. They wanted you to peel off your layers, to show the world your pain.

So for Boot Camp, I chose the song Boulevard of Broken Dreams, by Green Day, after making it more to a serene tone.

It was still half a year until Boot Camp, and I realized I could not stay at Accord anymore. The population was about 700 people. It would be hard to avoid Bryan, his blonde slut. It would hurt too much. I also couldn't face my uncaring family.

I that night, I snuck home and stole $600 from my parents, my brother's old car, packed my bags, and drove off to Long Island to find a job, and a school to finish the last two years of my education.

Heaving a deep sigh, I knew there was no job for a teenager that could pay for car insurance, food, parking, and gas. Plus, I would need at least a computer and a Wi-Fi system to stay at successful at school.

I would need a job that involved only nighttime shifts and weekends, somewhere I would not need much experience. And there was only one job that was compatible.

To support myself, I would have to become an exotic dancer.

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A/N: Comment and vote PLEASE!!! I still have no clue who this fanfic is to, but if no one says anything, it's going to be 1d.