Love With Abandon

Someone He Could Never Love Back

"No way!" I whispered onto my phone in the dead of the night, "You're on the show?"

"Yeah! I know right! I'm on Glee!" an earsplitting shriek entered my ear.

"People are sleeping, Leenie," I said, accusingly.

"Sorry," she said, almost bashful, "Its just, this is my big break. And Darren Cris is HOT."

This girl had changed so much. The original shy, quiet girl I had known and loved was gone; in her place was a girl I don't really know, but loved more.

"All right. I need some sleep. I have choreography tomorrow."

She snorted. "Have fun," Eileen said sarcastically.

"Thanks," I grumbled, "Good night."

"Bye," she replied, then hanging up.

How did she change so fast? Why couldn't I be more like her? Leenie took barely a week to adjust, whereas I have been depressed for over a year, and still cannot find myself. She was a strong, spirited girl.

I feared I wasn't.

***

I walked in the studio to find five pairs of eyes staring at me.

"What are you all doing here?" I asked.

"To help with choreography," Louis replied, in his high pitched voice.

"No offense, but Liam keeps complaining about your dancing, so I'm honestly wondering why..."

"Liam, you hurt me," Niall said, in his blue-puppy dog eyes, his Irish accent twangy and adorable.

Liam playfully ruffled his hair. "Sorry, mate. You suck, and you know it."

The rest of the band pretended to be on the verge of tears, and I stood by, feeling like an outsider.

"So, if you suck so much, why are you guys teaching me?" I asked, tenatively.

"Liam told us you can't dance, and neither can we. But we still put on a good show, don't we?" Louis said, cockily.

Liam was talking about me? I couldn't help but be flattered.

"All right, let's start," Liam said, his face a shade darker than usual.

Huh... wonder what that's about.

***

At the end of the choreography session, the boys had a mischevious grin on their faces. Except for Liam, whose expression was blank.

"Bye, Angie," Liam said, almost expressionlessly.

"Bye Liam! Bye-" before I could finish my good-byes, the rest of the boys were shooed out. Through the door, I first heard girly giggles and teasing, followed by a few smacks to the head.

***

Leenie was going crazy about Glee. The cast was great, and she was loved by everyone, unsurprisingly. Some of the directors and writers were a little bit creepy, though, according to her.

Her role was Rider's secret internet girl. She plays "Jane Doe" (I'll fill this out when the name comes out). Her character was a nerdy, shy girl, smart, but an insecure violinist in the background, who later joins Glee club, and regains her confidence.

Now that I had started watching Glee, I loved the show. I loved "Finchel", and I absolutely thought Santana and Sebastian would be an adorable couple, or Santana and Brody. One thing I was confused about: How did they manage to hide Heather Morris's baby bump?

My dream before the show ended was to cover Tiffany Alvord. She was an amazing Youtube singer I had looked up to since she started singing. If it weren't for her, I wouldn't be here today. She, along with Taylor Swift, Kelly Clarkson, Demi Lovato, Bruno Mars, and P!nk helped me survive. It annoyed me that, although she had most subscribers out of all the Youtube coverers, she still wasn't signed. Very few people have ever heard of her.

I'll ask Eileen sometime if Glee's interested. And maybe I'll tell Taylor about her, since Tiffany basically worships her.

***

My e-mail was filled with fanmail, but there was this one name that stuck out like a sore thumb.

Bryan Smith

Hesitantly, I clicked it, revealing a link to Youtube. When I once again, clicked on that, it showed a picture of Bryan singing a song.

"Same bed, but it feels just a little bit bigger now," he sang, "Our song on the radio but it don't sound the same."

By the time he was finished, I was bursting into tears. He had hurt me. He had hurt me bad, but this was his way of saying sorry. This was his way of saying "I'm ashamed for what I'd done, but I'm not here to get you back. Have fun with your new man."

When I returned to the e-mail, there was a note at the bottom that read, "Wishing you and Liam a great relationship- I see the way you look at him :o."

How did I look at him? Did others see this too? I didn't see him as more that just a friend... did I?

There were times where I glanced at him, and couldn't tear my eyes away from him. There were times when I was completely mesmerized by his voice. There were times when, as I touched him, my face heated up, and everytime, blaming it on the under-ventilated studios. But when I was with him, I had always felt more at home than in Accord. I felt happy and longing, confident, yet shy, perfect, yet full of flaws.

Did I love him?

Yes... I did.

But he would never return these feelings back.

***

Finally! An update. Sorry, this story got deleted off of Wattpad for a while, but it is back and awesomer than before!

Gahh! I've been so busy with standardized testing and finals and all that crap. But I'm better now (somewhat). Anyways, what's up with your lives?

By the way, check out my cousin's new graphic thread, Hesperus Graphics. Her names @SequoiahTrees, my old username that she bribed me for :p