Break Me, Fix Me, Repeat.

Chapter 1

Something happened. I didn't want to believe it, but it did.

Two days ago, everything was perfectly fine. It was like any other Monday; I woke up dreading school, quickly got ready, went to school and came home, read the rest of my book in my room, kept Grace company in her room for a good three hours until I finally said my goodnights and went to bed.

I could tell something was wrong when I woke up Tuesday morning. It was as if my body already shut down. I got up out of bed to the alarm clock annoyingly ringing in my ears, and I couldn't move. I wasn't sure why I felt so sluggish, but my feet were like weights and I had to drag myself with every move I made. The scenery outside looked to be as gloomy as it could get; it appeared to be a cloudy, muggy day - the kind you would find right in the heart of winter, even though the season had just rolled into fall. Nothing seemed right.

Normally the sound of Grace's television echoed throughout the house at that hour, but the wind hitting the branch against my window outside was the only sound I could pick up. Before hopping in the shower, I decided it would be a good idea to take a little tour of the house to make sure I didn't magically over sleep and my alarm clock was off, or maybe I was just curious to know why it felt like I was completely alone in an empty house. I walked slowly around the second floor, but there was nothing out of the ordinary.

My parents were gone; my mom took the night shift at the hospital last night, and she wouldn't be home for another hour or so, and my dad leaves early for work so he can get coffee and beat the early morning traffic. There were some squeaks when I hit the loose floorboards, causing me to cringe and my muscles to tighten. Everything seemed perfectly fine, yet, it didn't at the same time.

A bit of relief started to flush into my mind and I walked down the stairs at a bit of a faster pace. I made my way to Grace's room, and a certain kind of darkness overpowered the relief I was feeling a few seconds ago. My eyes watered with worry as I turned the knob and slowly opened the door, letting light into her dull room. She could have been a sleep for all I knew, but she was the lightest sleeper and would have easily flinched  and rolled around to the sound of an opening door. She didn't.

I walked over to her, shaking her in pure anxiety. I was waiting for her to quickly awaken from her slumber to yell at me, concerned as to why I was shaking her awake. Tears were already streaming down my face as I repeatedly shouted, "Grace! Wake up, Grace! Please!" She continued to lay there, motionless. I hadn't realized I was on the ground, but at some point I fell to my knees and grabbed her hand and started to say a prayer. Between the sobs and words that choked up in my throat, I could only pay attention to the warmth that was no longer contained in her body; she was ice cold. I wasn't sure when my mom got home, but I broke out of what I thought was a nightmare to the sound of her screaming, trying to wake my big sister up. At another point in time, she called an ambulance, my father, still sobbing into the phone.

After my episode of crying, I sat on the floor against the wall, still holding her hand. I was emotionless. The pain I was feeling not along ago numbed me, and the reality that she was finally at peace. For almost two years Grace has been battling with her bone cancer. She fought long and she fought hard, even until her last breath. She always told me I was the main reason she continued to fight for her life, but after several chemotherapy treatments and her leg amputation, I lost hope.

I watched her struggle every day, and I knew it wouldn't last much longer. As I watched her grow unbelievably thin, her right leg being taken away, and her hair falling out from all of the treatment, there wasn't much left to hold onto. It's a pretty screwed up way to think, but I don't believe there was much of a reason to hold onto to anything, especially if it wasn't there... Hope that is. I ran out of hope.