Scar Tissue [2Doc]

//13//

The atmosphere in the room is so tense it makes me want to jump out the window and plunge to my blissful death. The heartbeat monitor not doing us any favors as the quickened pace exposes my anxiety. 

So here I am, face to face with the root of my problems, reunited at last, Murdoc Niccals. 

His presence makes the room smell thick of cigarette smoke and booze. It makes my nose scrunch up, but only because it reminds me of the scent in my dreary apartment.

He watches me silently as I scratch away at my cuts and old scars. I'm finding it hard to look at him. My whole body feels hot knowing he's sitting in a chair right beside my hospital bed.

After what seems like forever, the first words slip out of his mouth, finally breaking the silence. "How have you been Stu?" He asks quietly. 

My body tenses at the sound of his voice and causes my head to twitch. I slightly part my lips to speak but I can't force any words out. I clutch the bedsheets so tightly is causes my knuckles to go white. I'm frozen. I'm absolutely frozen and there's nothing I can do to defrost. 

I feel Murdoc's stare drilling into me, but I don't have the courage to look back. I swallow thickly.

"It's okay, I understand. You don't have to speak if you don't want to. Noodle told me you've been recovering steadily. I'm glad."

God. I feel sick. 

He suddenly reaches out, his cold hands resting atop my clutched fist. The action makes me jump back slightly, causing my line of vision to cross it's path with Murdoc's. My gaze stays frozen in place.

This,, is Murdoc? Why am I finding it hard to recognize him? Why does he look so defeated?  

My eyes dart across his face. I look him up and down. The Murdoc in my memories seems so horrid... So who is this? I feel my mouth opening and closing. My bottom lip quivers as it opens, so I bite down on it. Hard. 

Why... do I feel like crying right now? Why are these unwelcome knots forming in my throat right now? How much sentimental value did I hold against this man again?

"Murdoc," My voice comes out scratchy and cracked. I assume my voice takes him aback, as his eyes slightly widen. "Why haven' you come to visit me 'til now?"   

His head drops slightly and he exhales. When he looks back up at me, a small smile is spread across his face. His eyes are sad. "Noodle wouldn't let me come see ya Dents."

The nickname spouted sends an unfamiliar sting through my heart. I glance at Noodle, who is sitting in her usual spot in the corner of the room. No mention of Murdoc was ever brought up to me. So when he just appeared at the door, I was too shocked to protest.

Murdoc turns his head to Noodle before turning back at me. "Listen, Stu-"

"Quit calling me Stu."

He clears his throat. "2D. Noodle and I have been talking. You're gonna be discharged soon and since you don't want to go to rehab, the least we can do is take care of you- live with you at your place for the time being. At least until you fight the withdrawal."

I look down to my bedsheets and grit my teeth. This is annoying. This is fucking annoying. Its reminding me of the day I got confronted by these two in the same manner. The way they ruined my tranquility and exposed my secret.

"'M not a fucken baby. I can take care of myself." I mumble, my mouth moving on its own.

"2D, withdrawing from hard drugs is a fucking bitch. I would know. That feeling of wanting to experience the insane euphoria can be so overwhelming. I know how it feels when you're trying to order every muscle in your body against it, yet you still fail and start the cycle again. Its a bitch 2D. You can't get out of this alone. That's why we're here to help you. Just let us help you damn faceache."

I say nothing. I know by this point I'm completely powerless. Nothing I can say or do will help me avoid the situation, so instead, I look out the window for the millionth time that day. The only way I can escape my horrible realty and distract myself is with the rustling trees and the slow moving clouds.

"Although Noodle was reluctant at first, we decided to I'd be staying you. Listen 2D, I wa-"

My head explodes in white noise. What did he just say?? Staying... With me?? Murdoc is gonna be staying with me? Isn't he a threat to my well-being? Isn't he,, why I'm here in the first place???

Sick. I feel disgustingly sick.

The uncomfortable feeling of a million bugs crawling under my skin soon overwhelms me. My body begins to subconsciously twitch. It makes me wanna rip my skin off. I feel fucking dirty. My head,, feels like it's going to explode. Then, all at once, the threatening nausea in my stomach catches up to my mouth, knocking against my teeth. I slap a hand to my mouth and run towards the bathroom. The IV ripping out of my skin on the way. I feel the warm liquid that is my blood running down my arm.

It feels disgusting. I feel disgusting.

My head plunges halfway into the toilet as my insides spill out. The acidity of it all only making me want to puke some more.

The ringing in my head is blocking all outside noise, so when I feel Noodle and Murdoc on me, it's shocking. My heavy breathing makes my chest burn. When I glance up at the two figures beside me, the burning in my lungs turns to lava.

I turn back to the toilet, the inanimate object being my only source of trust for the next couple of hours.