Scar Tissue [2Doc]

//8//

My heart feels like it has physically stopped. Slowly, I turn my head up towards Murdoc. Nothing but disgust is plastered on his face.

I shouldn't fucking care, but why do I feel so heartbroken?

"Wh-what..?" I choke out through threatening tears.

"I said yer fuckin' mad," he scowls.

Rage quickly boils up inside of me, my terrified expression soon turns into one of anger.

"You are an absolute hypocrite," I say whilst sitting up, rubbing the back of my head.

"How am I a hypocrite!?" Murdoc's voice comes out with a growl.

"Yer calling me mad when yer the mad one here Murdoc! Yer fuckin' insane!!"

With this remark, Murdoc grabs a hold of my shirt, his fist twisting into it.

"Say that again ye fuckin dullard!" he yells into my face, spit particles flying towards me. I flinch.

My breathing feels unsteady. Rage seeps out. "Ye are insane," I spit with no hesitation.

A fist comes flying to my face, colliding with my nose, and knocking me back down onto the floor. Warm liquids quickly come flooding from the problem area. I cover my nose with my hand to try to stop the bleeding but to no avail. Blood soon begins to seep through my fingers. 

"Guys stop it!! Don't fight please, now is absolutely not the time!" Noodle yells.

"Murdoc, cool it. 2D, you as well. You guys can't keep acting like fucking children! Murdoc I called you over so you and 2D can talk, not to fight. You two need to seriously figure out your weird relationship because 2D getting insanely high every single time he sees you Murdoc, is not okay. It's not healthy. So please, control yourselves and talk like civil fucking people."

Noodle takes in a deep breath before continuing. "I'm going to get some napkins for your nose 2D. When I come back I want to see you guys talking, okay?"

Murdoc and I stay silent as Noodle walks out of the room. I look down and find that a small puddle of blood has created under me. My nose doesn't stop running. The blood has begun to go down my throat and into my mouth. The metallic taste of iron begins to overwhelm my senses.

"Why?" Murdoc suddenly asks.

"Why do ye like cutting yourself? Why do ye like pain? I thought ye hated when I beat you to a pulp and hurt ye."

I gather my thoughts before answering. I steal a quick glance at Murdoc but quickly look back down.

"I did hate it when ye used to bully and beat me up. It was absolute shit. To be honest I just like pain I give myself. It makes me feel sane knowing that I myself am the one who's providing such a big pain. Not anyone else, just me, and no one can top that. I don't want anyone else to top that. If they do, I'll just hurt myself harder, more violently, because I wont be able to stand the fact that the worst pain I've ever felt came from someone else."

Murdoc doesn't respond, at least not right away. I twiddle my bloodly fingers rather quickly in anxiousness, waiting. 

When he does respond, it feels like a stab to the chest.

"Just sounds like yer making a stupid excuse to fuel yer addiction."

The blood from my nose is slowly starting to clog up my breathing. I cough lightly, then violently, blood spewing from my mouth.

"Its the truth," I say in between coughs. 

My coughing doesn't stop, but only gets worse. The weight of a ton of rocks begins to press upon my chest. Every time I try to gasp for air my lungs quickly deflate back down. With my sleeves I try to wipe my nose but as soon as I do a fresh river of blood quickly flows back down. I look up towards Murdoc for help. 

"Mu-Murdocc, haa, I can't breath." 

Murdoc looks down at me, I can't read his expression, my vision is so blurred. All I can taste is bitter iron. He's not going to help me... not after I called him insane. I spit onto the floor, trying to get the fluids out of my mouth. I let out an unsteady breath.  

"Murdoc please... help me..."

I'm drowning. I'm drowning and being choked by my own blood. With every breath I take I sink further and further. I look up towards Murdoc one more time before my eyelids give in and my vision completely goes black.

////

I awake with a painful gasp of air and violent coughs. A pain in my chest and a familiar migrane welcoming me back to life.

Murdoc is looming over me. He stares. I stare back through squinted eyes. He sighs, sounding somewhat relieved.

"What happened?" I manage to speak.

"You stopped breathing."

The scene of not to long ago hits me. Murdoc punched me. My nose started bleeding. I started choking on my own blood.

I sit up and scowl at Murdoc. "Geez, I wonda' who's fault that is."

Murdoc rolls his eyes. "I had to give you CPR, just be grateful ye bloke."

"Why even bother? Should've just let me die." I look down and sigh. My chest hurts, my head hurts, my throat hurts.

"I ain't doing that Stu."

I rub off the dry blood from my nose and around my mouth. "Why?"

"Yer our singer."

I scoff. "Of course. That's all I ever was and ever will be to you. Just the singer. The pretty boy, the front man."

I look at Murdoc, but hes staring at the ground.

"You dont even need me as your singer anymore. We're not a band, we havent been for years. There's no reason to stick around Murdoc, I'm nothing now!"

Murdoc is still looking towards the ground. He doesn't say anything. This aggravates me.

"Well? Aren't you going to say anything?" I shout.

The silence that enfulfed the room was quickly cut as Murdoc's raspy voice bounced off of each wall of the room.

"2D," he says suddenly. "Let me help you with that depression of yours. Please."