Scar Tissue [2Doc]

//15//

My left leg bobs uncontrollably, so much so that the movement makes me dizzy. I fumble with my fingers, crack my knuckles, and wipe my sweaty palms on the sides of my jeans. I ponder; why is it that hands get so sweaty? Why is it that my hands get so sweaty? The questions make me mentally sigh.

The tingles in my brain throb and poke uncomfortably, making me twitch subconsciously. I grumble out of annoyance at my new unwanted quirk.

"The twitching..." the therapist sitting in front of me breaks my thoughts. "...are they tics? You seem rather annoyed by them."

I steal a quick glance at the man before returning my eyes to the floor. "It's from the heroin. I guess. Didn't have 'em before."

He quickly scribbles something onto the papers that have been steadily filling over the course of the session. It somehow really annoys me.

"Mm I see. Hard drugs can have severe neurological consequences."

Okay? No shit.

"Do you regret it? The heroin?"

The 45 minute session that was coming to an end fooled me and stabbed the question I'd been dreading down my throat. It makes my blood run cold, makes my heart drop down to my gut, and miraculously freezes my bobbing leg in place. In this moment, my mouth feels glued completely shut. There is no way that I'm able to open it. My creeping anxiety makes my fingers dig deep into my thighs.

Do I regret it? Of course I do, who wouldn't? Who enjoys the consequences of their own actions?? I feel a million times worse now. God, it was the worst decision of my life. I'm so fucking stupid. I'm so much more self aware of my conscious being and it's driving me absolutely insane. I can't handle the fact that I am a living, breathing person. I can't handle being alive. I don't want to be alive anymore. FUCK I don't want to continue living- 

"Stuart?"

This man must have some sort of special powers because his voice keeps pulling me out of my insanity.

"Are you alright? I apologize, perhaps that was a bit too forward for you."

Yeah, ya think dickwad?

"Do you need to step out for a bit? You're free to use the bathroom if you'd like; splash some water on your face." 

He gives me the permission I was waiting for, to which I immediately take, so I stand from my seat and quickly pace out of the small room. As I exit I catch a glimpse of Murdoc, who resides in a chair outside the office door. He stands quickly to follow me. 

"2D?" I hear him call out. "Are you okay?"

But my mission to the bathroom stops for no one. When I get there I lock the door of the single stall bathroom behind me and go straight to the sink. I notice my hands visibly shaking as they go down to cup the water. The cold water against my face shocks me back to life, I desperately let out a breath I didn't realize I was holding, making my chest lighten down slightly. I take deep breaths in and steady exhales out, in hopes it would calm my anxiety down. It doesn't. 

Suddenly, knocking abrupts at the door. "2D, are you okay?" The same question from the same green goblin wafts through the air. I bite my bottom lip as my heart rate begins to accelerate again at the sound of his voice. Although I rather not be on speaking terms with the man that made me tip over the edge, I feel complied to reply to him.

I grip the sides of the sink, drop my head, and shut my eyes. "I-I'm alright. I just needed some space to breath." 

My head twitches. Once. Twice. God I feel insane.