Moon

Chapter 8

6 weeks later

To think that all vampires are soulless bodies of shells, the walking dead or unable to feel, is false. I realized that even more after Jules was taken away, out of my life. Now...I feel deader than ever. After Marlowe announced his passing they took his body and placed it in his coffin, and then the coffin was placed into a dark tomb. All I have of Julian now are memories and his teachings.

They say vampires can't love, but I can say I loved Julian. Now his death fills me with more want. Strong urges of freedom, to explore, connect with others and more importantly, learn and apply. I know Julian would not want me to lie in my coffin continually crying about his passing or even getting overly angry and taking it out on anyone or anything. And he certainly would not want me to take my own life, and in fact I have thought about doing so. However he gave up his life, to save mine, and for that I will be eternally grateful. From him I will move on, but I will also mourn forever.

*******

Immediately right after Kalen and Julian's passing, my wedding was canceled.

Ember was more upset about it than me. I knew she had the best intentions for me. She didn't want me to be alone, she wanted to build and provide for the coven, she wanted to make our family proud. I understood all of that. Yes the situation is upsetting to me; we lost two vampires, one whom I loved. But I could not be happier that I did not have a mate, a mate I did not want to commit to.

Due to the strong urges to explore, to get out and live my vampire life as full as Julian did, I started going out on my own, and I now went out frequently. To say the world out there is amusing is an understatement. There was always something happening, there was always something to see. We just had to go out and actually see it.

I started going out to little bars, especially this one bar called BlueFly; I'm a frequent visitor there. I don't know what attracts me to that place, but it's a sweet escape in a college Town. For some reason, it amuses me, maybe it's because I can blend in there. There were plenty of times that I've been yelled at by both Virgo and Ember out being out alone, but only Virgo knew about me going out in actual public facilities. Vampires are to remain in the shadows, not go out to human filled events. But I wasn't listening, not anymore.

Julian's death hit my heart in ways that may never recuperate. If I would have gone with him in spite of what he said or if he would have let me go with him, he would be here, even kalen would be here. From the loss of what happened in my almost marriage situation, I promised myself I'd live life. I'd be just like Julian, a lone traveler, and always on the move.