Dark Paradise - Joel Miller x OC

She left

The months go by, the seasons return, and yet nothing has changed for Chloe. She lets herself be carried, each day resembling the previous one. She's alive but doesn't live. As soon as her mind is not immersed in work, she returns to her memories and fantasies. Often times, she finds herself talking with him, doing the questions and answers, imagining what he would answer her if he were there. She feels him here. The others don't see him, but she does. With every move she makes, every decision she takes for the community, it's like he's sitting next to her, giving her advice.

Maria often catches that blank look on her face, seeing her move her lips while staring into the void at her side. The elder does her best to bring her back to real life, forcing her to participate in city events. But she often has trouble convincing her. And when she finally reluctantly agrees to come, she often stands in a corner, shutting herself off from all conversation.

All her joy evaporated.

-------

The sun filtering through the trees dazzles her a little. She absently strokes her horse's neck as he guides her down the forest path to the farm. She goes several times a month to visit Ellie and Dina, bringing them the news of the city and some dishes of her making. She plays with JJ who is growing at an impressive speed. She can't wait to see him be old enough to play with Molly's son, a few months older.

"I can't believe you're here. You who never wanted to go out with me."

She hears him say in her head, in a tone more amused than reproachful. It's true that she would have been safer then, with him by her side, than alone as now. She knows she can run into infected or hunters. But there's no point to be afraid. Joel is no longer there. She spends her days more surviving for others than really living for herself. If death comes for her, she won't fight back. She has nothing more to lose, for she has lost the most precious.

Ironically, the only one who could have helped her move on, or at least live with it, was him. He had lost his daughter and had survived. When he was still there, he had worked tirelessly to prepare her for his death, but he had never prepared her for how to live without him. Without his comforting presence. Without his love.

She shakes her head to dismiss the idea as she arrives at the protected entrance of the farm. It doesn't take her long to get to the house. She knocks several times, without response. Still, she hears JJ chirping. She opens the door a crack, calling softly. In the armchair sits Dina, staring blankly as her son plays with wooden cubes on the floor.

She calls out her name softly, jerking the young woman out of her lethargy.

"Chloe! Sorry, I didn't hear you.

-It's alright. Are you ok? Where's Ellie?

-Gone."

She lets go with a sigh as she walks over to the kitchen to heat some water for her guest. Chloe watches the toddler play innocently while following Dina, questioning her.

"What do you mean gone?

-Tommy came here with this lead, in California. She couldn't help it. She left.

-When?

-Three days ago."

Chloe is speechless at the news. He's been dead for over a year now. JJ, Dina, the farm. She thought that would be enough for Ellie to forget about her desire for revenge. She silently curses herself. She should have been more careful. Come more often. She's so absorbed in her memories that she's unable to help those close to her. To see their suffering. Ellie is as haunted by his memory as she is. Dina sighs.

"I... I wonder if I should come back to Jackson.

-Really?

-This farm... It was our dream. But I need help with JJ. I can't raise him alone in this big house. Who knows when she will be back. If she ever comes back. It's too hard, I can't anymore."