Dark Paradise - Joel Miller x OC

Sugar Daddy

Warning: bad smut, once again, I'm sorry. But it's my birthday so I do whatever I want.

Photo by Ivan Moncada on Unsplash

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"Hey."

Chloe's voice snaps him out of his contemplation as he's making breakfast. He answers her with a sad smile before refocusing on his actions. He knows she is going to notice his defeated face and questions him. He still hesitates to tell her the truth. But he knows he has to open up to her, not let his past devour him, at the risk of losing his present. Without waiting, the dreaded question falls.

"Are you ok?

-It's... It's Sarah birthday today."

She just makes a compassionate face and walks up to hug him, resting her head against his back. They stay like that for a few moments, only the sound of the bacon grilling in the pan being heard.

"I wish you knew her. She would have loved you, I'm sure.

-Yeeah, you forget she was almost five years older than me. She probably would have loosed her shit and she would have been right to."

He sighs. Maybe, yes. He tends to forget their age difference. Even if no wrinkles mark her forehead, even if she has a silly attitude sometimes. Yet, she also has the same serious and grave gaze as his, when she thinks that no one is looking at her. Even though he knows he's old enough to be her father, he can't imagine this woman as one of Sarah's age. Maybe because for him Sarah would be forever eleven. Maybe because he doesn't imagine himself as someone who could have an adult child. He stops these sterile reflections to cut the fire under the stove.

"Breakfast is ready."

-----

She rubs her hands together, trying to work the moisturizer into her skin. In bed, Joel is sitting with an open book on his lap, but he doesn't seem to be reading. She slips next to him, pulling him out of his inertia. He kisses her forehead while putting an arm around her as she cuddles up to him. She gently strokes his chest before looking up at him. He looks thoughtful, a little sad.

"What's going in that pretty head."

He lets out a brief chuckle. This is one of the things he says to her, when she is lost in her thought. He sighs and begins to speak in a soft, somewhat hoarse voice.

"I'm reflecting on my life. All the things I've done. The bad things. I ain't a good man, I don't deserve all of this.

-Stop babe, I hate when you talk like that."

Chloe knows where this conversation is heading. Today, it was probably Sarah's birthday that stirred it all up. She is aware of it, it is selfish of her to want to silence him, she should let him speak but she does not have the strength to hear it. This is not the first time, and inevitably, it ends in talking about growing old, dying. Every time he says these words, she goes into a state of distress she cannot control. He smiles sadly at her and strokes her cheek. He understood.

"You know I'm not eternal. I don't wanna let you, but it will happen. And I don't want you to look the other way about that."

She swallows hard and turns her head, feeling tears beading in her eyes. She isn't strong enough to hear those words. Not this evening. He doesn't insist and turns off the light before taking her against him, imprisoning her with his arms to reassure her. For the moment, he's here. And he wants to enjoy every moment of that soothing warmth, whether he deserves it or not.

-----

"Do you want me to bring you something?"

Joel closes his backpack, carefully putting away the sandwiches she made for him. He's leaving for a few days on a scavenging trip. Once again, she refused to accompany them, preferring the safety of Jackson's walls. Making the routine patrol routes was the only thing she was able to do outside.