HARD | A Beomgyu FF

1 | Why?

"So how's your day been today, Beomgyu-ssi?"

It's late morning and a sunny day, with the birds doing their incesesant tweeting routine and people walking down the streets beyond the large gates, going about their daily lives.

Their normal daily lives...

Dr. Kim patiently waits for my answer, a soft and pleasant smile on his face.

I can't say...

...

...

"Ah I get it. Probably pretty uneventful right?"

He says that just to fill the silence, obviously, as he can't see my thoughts.

I still don't look at him.

I hear him let out a soft sigh, but the smile still doesn't leave his face.

He silently takes my cold hand into his warm one, and puts the two fingers of his other hand around my wrist, before lowering my hand so it's resting comfortably in his lap, still holding it, with the hand that's not taking my pulse.

He looks down in concentrarion as he takes my pulse, glancing at his watch at the start.

We do this ritual every morning, and usually it ends with Dr. Kim giving me a sad, concerned smile at the end.

It's no different today, as after a couple of minutes he gives me the smile, which has become more frequent nowadays.

"Beomgyu, I heard that you're still not eating. Is that true?"

Dr. Kim says worriedly.

I don't move.

Dr. Kim takes my hand, which is still in his lap, and clasps his hands over my one.

"Beomgyu, you need to start eating.
Please. The harsh reality is, weather it's your active or sub conscious, you're killing yourself and you know it. I'm not telling you to eat just out of spite, I'm telling you because you know what's going to happen if you don't, I'm going to have put a tube down your nose and into your stomach and continue giving you fluids intravenously like I'm doing now, why? So you don't die. Beomgyu, you may not think it, but me, and the other doctors and nurses, care for you and are seriously concerned for you and your wellbeing. All I want to know is, why? Why you're doing this to yourself. What I can do to help you. I just want you to communicate your worries with me. That's all."

The doctor says finishes his speech.

Again, I don't even flinch.

"Okay. Maybe that was too deep. But I have other news, new news, that might get your attention."

"Tommorow, I'm going to have a new paitent under my name. He's around the same age as you, a little older, and he's moving here from Seoul Mental and Neurological Hospital and he's going to be staying just down the corridor from you. I thought that maybe I could introduce you guys. Maybe you could become friends. After all, I know how hard it is being the youngest here, and not having anyone your age to talk to."

Someone my age? Really? I'm the only one on this ward.

But I don't respond.

Who knows what his personality is going to be like.

He could be the bitchiest person ever.

I pull my hand out his warm clasp.

I hear another sigh.

The doctor stands up.

A soft pat on my shoulder.

"I'll come and check on you later. I still need to go and get some stuff sorted out for the new arrival."

He takes my other hand and looks at the IV catheter that is taped to the back of my wrist and bandaged.

He then looks at the drip chamber and increase the drip rate by one.

"I'll take my leave now, but I'm going to have one of the nurses take your BP, and send the results to me, just so you know."

He says, before he makes his way over to the door.

He's about to leave, but suddenly turns around.

"Beomgyu? Beomgyu, look at me."

I keep my eyes glued to floor.

Footsteps, then a slender finger under my chin, tilting it upwards.

I raise my eyes to find myself staring directly into Dr. Kim's.

"Beomgyu. Please. Eat something. I'm not even telling you to finish your plate. But eat something. Okay?"

He says before going over to the door and waving at me, before gently sliding it shut.

I slide down in my bed.

You are such a fucker, Choi Beomgyu.