avengers one-shot

someone (1)

Summary: Peter went through hard times and he's afraid.

// TW: Depression, suicidal thoughts and action. //

"You know how it feels like? When you made a new friend then you talked everyday with them then you got close, god, its just so messed up." Peter stare into his mirror with the song Thru These Tears playing in the background.

"I just hate how I can get attached to someone real fast." He runs his fingers through his hair feeling frustrated.

He take his phones and lay himself down on the bed to calm down. He look over to his notifications, reading the unread messages.

Ned
Bro, where have you been?

MJ
Hey loser

Tony
Kid, I got something for you

May
Left some food for you

Happy
I'll see you tomorrow

He just shrug them off and stare at the ceiling. "I hate getting close with people." He play the song left out loud enough to fill the room's silence. "But if I don't get close, I'll feel left out." He sighed.

Peter got hurt a lot. His ex-bestfriend, Eugene "Flash" Thompson was so close with him since kindergarten but somehow he changed when they got into middle school. Flash become more and more distant with Peter until they become strangers.

Peter is just... Peter. The nerdy kid who is hyperactive and very chatty when he's with his friends. Recently, Flash has been bullying him and it gets worse each day. He's been called names, beaten up and even got embarrassed.

Liz, his ex-girlfriend who he loved a lot just suddenly ghosted him. He didn't know what he did wrong that made Liz ignore him. The night before she texted goodbye to him, she swore on her life that she loved him forever, which made Peter promise that he would never leave the girl.

Ever since those incidents happened, he swore that he would never get attached to people anymore. He barely talk to his friends and Tony because he thinks that every people who stay will eventually leave. He believes in those words. It stays with him.

Every incoming call he just let his phones ring. Every time he realized that someone is getting too close with him, he shuts himself down. No socials, no talking- no everything. He doesn't want to feel the pain again, as someone who felt the pain of losing both bestfriend and a lover.

But when he shut himself out, he felt so left out from his friends and family. He want to talk to them but he doesn't want to open up or get close with them even a tiny bit. He'd rather lose himself than losing people whom he care and love.

He did try to change to satisfy people, but it hurts him and it makes him tired from life. For example, he changed to be a good and semi-hyperactive kid around Tony. He changed into a Star Wars die-hard fan when he's around Ned. But on top of all of those, he changed to be happy around them, which hurts the most.

At that moment, he receive a call from Tony so he pick them up, not wanting to let the billionaire thinking that he's in trouble. "Kid? Where you at?"

"Apartment. Today's pretty tiring. Sorry." He faked his tired groggy voice.

"Its alright. Do you think you can drop by tomorrow? Need your genius, you know."

Peter shrugged and sigh silently. "Why don't you just text me the equation?"

"We need you. Tomorrow. See you later." Tony hang up and he just turn on Airplane Mode and Do Not Disturb on his phone.

"Even silent mode isn't helping everyday." He threw his phone into the laundry and he roll on his bed, finding a comfortable position to sleep. "Sleep doesn't feel like sleeping anymore." He slowly close his eyes and drift into the not-so-happy dreamland.

// friday, 5.21 a.m. //

"Peter, you're awake early." May raised her eyebrows in shock. "You didn't eat anything last night. Not to mention, you have tons of missed calls too. Where's your phone?"

Peter grab his phone in the laundry room and turn off the Airplane Mode. "Oh damn, I was pretty tired yesterday so I went to bed as soon as I finished homework. Sleep is important, isn't it." He smiled.

"Thought you got kidnapped until I saw you sleeping last night." She went in for a hug but Peter doesn't feel anything. "I'll go to work first. I'll see you tonight." She kissed his forehead then exit the apartment.

Peter put on his numb expression and lay down on the bed. He's on the edge of giving up everything. His efforts to change and become better will go to waste if he did.

Happy
Picking you up at 7.

He lazily walk into the shower. He let the cold water flows through his body, silently crying. "I'm tired." He muttered out.

He step out from the shower and look into the the mirror. "Please hold on, just for a little." He begged to himself. "I just don't know how to love myself. I'm lost when it comes to that." Tears streaming down his face.

"Please let me find a way to fix myself." He hung his head low then he lean against the wall, grasping for air.

He couldn't fix himself in the way he wanted to. He just want to be happy and careless again. He wants to be the friendly Spider-Man in his friendly neighborhood. He wants to help people, but he knows that he can't if he couldn't even help himself.

After an hour of crying, he pick himself up and look into the mirror. "Just, just hold on." He tried to smile but he just cry more.

He put on his clothes and swing his backpack across his shoulder. He doesn't even bother to take his breakfast. He step into the elevator and tell himself to hold on.

As the elevator reach the bottom floor, he step out from the elevator and put on a slight smile. "Hey Hap!" He greeted.

"Come on kid, you don't wanna be late." Happy unlock the door and Peter hop into the backseat. "So how are you?" He asked.

"Fine." A short answer from Happy. He noticed Peter's eye bag and his red nose, figuring that maybe he just sneeze a lot in the morning.

Peter just plug into his earphone and blast the song ...And to Those I love, Thanks for Sticking Around.

Fuck, I don't see what's the point of going on.