Desire {Corpse fanfic}

{8} Selfish

🎵 ABRA - Fruit

-

They ended up ordering room service for snacks and staying up talking and watching TV all night. It felt so effortless to be around each other. They talked about their childhoods and it felt like they laughed the most they had in weeks.

He didn't put the mask back. He didn't have to, he felt safe around Maya. She never mentioned to watch anyone's content from youtube that he had collaborations with so he didn't fear recognition at all.

Hey Corpse?

Yeah?

I have class in like 2 hours.
Maybe we should go.

Right. It was Monday. His work didn't depend on weekdays and weekends so this meant more to her than to him.

Yeah, sure sorry.

Let me just call an Uber.

Oh you don't have a car?

I can't really afford to rent a car for six months.

Oh right.
Well then I'll give you a ride.

Really?
Thanks.

He had a nice car. They still didn't talk about what he does for a living but she didn't mind so much. It didn't seem that important because Maya knew that he opened up a lot about other things that seemed way more important than work.

They were both quiet since they were tired from staying up. Corpse had to really pay attention to driving because his eye was acting up, but he didn't want to put on his eyepatch.

He didn't talk about his heath issues yet. He didn't want to. He didn't want his issues to define him and he definitely didn't want Maya to pity him.

They pulled up to the campus parking lot and he stopped the car, but kept staring forward through the windshield.

So...uh...
Thanks for this.
I really enjoyed this night with you.

She placed her hand gently on top of his on the wheel to get a reaction out of him.

He loved the feeling of her hand on his. Now looking at her he felt like he hadn't needed anything so bad ever in his life than to kiss her right there.

But he missed his chance. Before he could move she was already out of the car waving and saying "Take care!" then shut the car door and  walked away.

-

If only he thought of it sooner. Well not like he didn't. He was thinking of kissing her all night but his desire was the strongest there in the car.

It was a missed chance now and he was mad about it. But it was probably for the better.

Corpse felt bad about getting this involved with her. He was a mess and he knew it and the thought of dragging her down with him made him feel heartbroken.

He didn't expect this to happen at all. To find someone on this stupid site that he genuinely liked and who made him feel this safe and content.

He knew it was too late now. Maya liked him, she needed him, he saw it in her eyes. And he needed her even more.

So he decided to cut her out of his life before he had the chance to ruin her like he always does. She was just too pure for him.

It was tough. He tried to keep himself busy with streaming and working on music but late at night when he was just laying in bed, struggling to fall asleep, there were no distractions and all he could think about was Maya.

He tried calling another girl from the site but he ended up hanging up the call midway through. She didn't excite him at all, but the fact  that he wasn't seeing Maya just made him frustrated.

He deleted her contact to restrain himself from contacting her, because he knew calling her would only be selfish. He had to do it for her.

-

She knew exactly what Corpse was thinking back in the car. She knew that look well and she just knew she had to run. It was hard because she wanted to kiss him so bad too. But not like this.

Maya was sure that this wasn't business anymore but she didn't know what it was.

She never thought about meeting someone here in the States. She knew it was silly but she was just so afraid of disappointment that even in collage she only really talked with the european students, so that if they became great friends then they could meet back there when the semester was over.

This was just something that she didn't envision to happen in her time here at all. Especially not from this site.

But now it had already happened and all there was to do is to figure out what were they going to do about it.

So she waited and waited but there was no sign of Corpse wanting to contact her. She just couldn't believe it. He was the only good thing about California for her and he just left without saying a word. It made her question everything that she was so sure about before. Was he just pretending to like her?

Maya couldn't focus on school work anymore and she had no one to talk to. She felt so lost with all these emotions feeling stranded in this strange new country.

After a few days of waiting Maya texted him asking wether he wanted to meet up or just talk but he just left her on read. She didn't understand why, what did she do wrong? But the message was clear and she had to accept it.

He was on her mind day and night and she just couldn't quite figure out where did it go so wrong that he decided to ditch her.

She felt completely defeated by this and it astound her how big of an impact it had on her life, but her mind knew better than her heart and it was telling her to let this man go and forget about him.

It was hard to give Corpse up especially without any closure but she knew she had to fight her heart and forget about him. She had to do it for herself.