Unbreakable (Book #1 - Liam Payne Trilogy)

Chapter 16

CHAPTER 16

I had a bag of souvenirs from St. Thomas stashed in my closet. I hadn’t touched it since the day I unpacked. One day, I gave into my own sorrow. I dug it out of my closet and sat on my bed with all the memories from the summer. I braced myself and began to empty the bag. I found little trinkets for all my friends, and bracelets with all their names on it; a stone turtle, for my own souvenir shelf in my room, and a sea shell from Magen’s Bay. I pulled out a small t-shirt, for my 7 year old cousin. She looked forward to me coming back each year, because I always brought a different t-shirt for her. Finally, I found all the memories from my weeks with Liam; ticket stubs from our Ski lift ride to the top of the island; our visitor’s bracelets from Magen’s Bay; a picture of Josh, Liam and I, in front of a cruise ship after our double date with Morgan; a picture of one of the many sunsets we watched those two weeks; a little lizard that Liam had bought me when we spent the day down shopping at the port. Everything was there; something for every occasion. At the bottom of the bag sat Liam’s sweater. I took it out slowly, scared that it wasn’t even real. That it was all a dream. It felt weightless in my hands, like I was holding air. I brought it close to my face; it still smelt just like him, and that’s when it felt real. I felt the soft fabric between my fingers, the zipper cool against my skin; the whole sweater itself, heavy from the amount of fabric that made it up. I pulled the sweater around me; it felt warm, just like the night he gave it to me. I wanted to cry. I felt broken inside. I missed him more than ever now. I just wanted his arms around me. I wanted to ruffle his hair, felling it between my fingers. I wanted to see his gorgeous eyes staring into mine. I wanted his smile to land on my lips, just, one more time.

That was all I was asking for; one more time. I knew it would never be enough, nothing would ever be enough. But if I saw him one more time, it would give me the closure I needed. I would be at peace. I could pour my heart out to him, but in the end, know, that I can finally move on. It’s not what I wanted; I knew that for a fact. But it’s what I needed. Wanting something and needing something are two different things. Needing something is for the benefit of the brain, or the physical body. Wanting something… is for the benefit of the heart.

I stuck my hand in the pocket of the sweater, expecting to find the necklace Liam had given me. Just sitting there, waiting for me. But it wasn’t. I reached into the bag, expecting to find it there, at the bottom, waiting for me. But it wasn’t. I felt around my neck, expecting to find it hanging there, weightless, waiting for me. But it wasn’t. It wasn’t anywhere. I felt my hands start to tremble, by throat become tight, my body tense. Where was it? I tore apart my room. I needed to find it. I wanted to find it. But it didn’t want to be found. My room was flipped completely upside down, before I finally gave up. There were clothes everywhere, books thrown across the room. I looked in every place possible, and I still couldn’t find it. I was angrier at myself than I was sad about the loss. I wanted to scream. I wanted to run out my front door, and just keep running. I didn’t want to stop, I wanted to run forever. Run away from it all. When had my life gotten so complicated? I needed to know. It used to be all smiles and laughs. Nowadays all I saw was tears and regret. But… then again; when had I ever been so happy? In those two weeks, I had felt like I was on top of the world. It was like someone had put me up on a pedestal, where no one could touch me, no one could hurt me, as long as he was around. But I didn’t get it. As soon as he left, it all fell apart. Nothing lasted once he was gone. Was it him? Did he make me feel that way? Is he… the one?

I started to stress about school. My senior year was coming to an end, and by the time summer came, I would no longer be a high school student, by the time September started, I would be a college student. College student, College stud…COLLEGE. I forgot to send all my applications. I've had them ready since junior year. And yet I still forgot. How could I forget? I decided to send them in, late or not. I had to be accepted to at least one…right? I opened the mail box, and put my seven envelopes inside. I took a deep breath, and closed my eyes, on the count of three I let the handle go. But my eyes shot open and I grasped for the handle, I couldn’t let the letters fall. I needed to stop them. Or better yet, I needed to stop one. I pulled the handle, but they were already gone. I felt my stomach become tight. I gripped it, feeling like I was going to throw up. The one college that I had dreamed of going to since I was seven could not receive my application. I couldn’t go there, not after what happened this summer. I tried to reassure myself, there was no way they would accept me. The school was so high-end; they wouldn’t just take some seventeen year old high school student into the facility. All I could do was hope that I wasn’t accepted to the culinary school of London, England.