Ashes in the Heart (Editing)

Ms. Philippe

August 5 marked a before and after in my life, transforming ordinary days into the most painful and heartbreaking I had ever experienced.

The designs of life are enigmatic and difficult to modify. One fateful August 5, my parents lost their lives. If only they had continued at home, as we had agreed, watching the soccer game, perhaps I would not be witnessing their tragic departure right now.

Their lives were consumed by work and debts accumulated in loans and mortgages. The bank seized all their possessions: properties, cars, houses and even a shopping center that they had opened in the town. All sacrificed for the sake of vanity and the love of money. Fortunately, my mother's astute caution prevented the bank from knowing of my existence, thus protecting my name and assets. I knew all too well the traps my father could fall into due to his excessive ambition, and I did not want to be dragged into his abyss.

However, ¿what value could all my possessions have when my world had fallen apart? They left me with an overwhelming void and I found myself completely alone, without knowing anyone other than legally my family. My parents never mentioned their relatives; They considered them part of a past that should be forgotten. ¿What had really happened to them? ¿Why were their names taboo? ¿What secrets were they hiding? They were my parents, but I never really knew them. I was so absorbed in my own life that I never stopped to consider his. So ¿how do you contact them if you don't even know their names? Pedro, María, maybe a Carlos. None of those names were familiar to me. My only option was to focus on myself and move forward on the fastest path.

I threw away the parties, the nice guy, and the friends as waste. The only thing that still made me feel alive and gave me pleasure was sex. It was in those encounters where I managed to disconnect from the real world, forgetting the pain, the memories and the feelings.

I can't deny that I felt bad about what I was doing, although I enjoyed it enormously. Every night he explored a different world, and if the experience was especially rewarding, he came to think of it as an entire galaxy with its own constellations. My nights were long and entertaining, while my days became long and sleepy. I could sleep for hours without feeling any remorse, as if it were the most effective therapy any psychologist could offer me.

It took three months of therapy and hibernation before I felt ready to face the light of day again. My body already demanded it, although my skin exhibited an abnormal color, as if I had emerged from Dracula's tomb after a five-year sleep. I felt physically weak and mentally overwhelmed, with a heavier-than-usual heaviness in my head.

I desperately needed to get out of those four walls. Therapy had become a voluntary prison from which it was difficult for me to get rid.

However, each August 5th not only evoked a deep sadness, marked by the bitter sensation of sudden loss, but also radiated a resonance, a consuming radiance, a happiness and beauty without equal. It was on that same date when my life took an unexpected turn and improved significantly.

In the middle of winter, the most charming season of the year, I decided to reopen the business that my parents had bequeathed to me. Not only was it the right time to take that first step, but I also felt the need to take charge of my life now that everything would be different and I had to take full responsibility for my own finances.

Although the Christmas air brought with it a slight melancholy as I remembered family festivities, it also comforted me to see people out and about, enjoying the shopping, the smell of the delicacies at Luke's Bakery, the exquisite coffee at Sam's Cafe and hearing Mike's infectious laughter from across the hall. I loved looking at the city covered in snow, feeling the cold on my lips and listening to Christmas carols echoing around every corner. It was my time.