You drive me insane | Pregame Saiouma

Chapter 2

[...]
"You like Danganronpa too, don't you?"

There was only silence, pensive and heavy as Monokuma swung between the two until he came to a stop.

And then there was more silence.

Had Ouma said something wrong?

Where had he messed up? Saihara loved Danganronpa, didn't he? He was always, always looking at it, watching it, blogging about it. Ouma was lucky enough that his presence was so small that he could sit directly behind him as he stood on the train and see everything he scrolled through. He knew all of his accounts, all of the places he went for information and new streams, even who his favorite characters were.

He seemed to like Ultimate Detectives the most.

Of course, Saihara loved Danganronpa, maybe more than any other person Ouma knew. Not as if people were very open about it in public... The government was always on its heels, attempting the shutdown that never quite succeeded. Liking it wasn't a threat in itself, but there was always the chance.

It was popular with the youth, sure, but it wasn't the type of thing you admitted to enjoying to someone you didn't trust.

But that was the point. Ouma trusted Saihara. More than anyone in his life.

Had Saihara understood his feelings, then?

"U-Um-" Ouma pulled his phone back, taking the slightly beat up Monokuma charm into his hand and thumbing it reassuringly. Its fur was a bit matted and dulled from months of use, but it was still soft, the rough patch of its red eye distinguishing itself from the rest as his fingers ran over it. "I just thought-"

"... So you saw, huh?" Saihara's words didn't carry the resigned air they should have, instead, there was a spark behind them that Ouma had never heard in his voice before. "How much do you know?"

"A-About Danganronpa?" Ouma brought his finger to his bottom lip as he thought, keeping his eyes cast to the side, still unable to look at what mess he had created. "Well, I've played all the games, and I've kept up with all of the seasons. I-I haven't watched much of the new one though, I've been too busy with school-"

"No, I meant about me."

Ouma froze, lowering his hand and his gaze to his lap. Hah, he should have figured. Saihara was so smart, afterall, it was only natural that he'd realize Ouma watching him every day meant something else entirely.

Especially when it came to someone like Saihara Shuichi.

When Ouma said Saihara was different... he meant that in more way than one.

It took Ouma an entire night to stalk to the end of his blog, but he hung onto every word with such fervor that he was never within an inch of tired. It was so intimate, it felt like he had cracked open Saihara's skull and crawled inside, closer to him and his true self than he had ever been before.

Some things were normal.

No Kirigiri merch at the new pop-up store...? K, staff.

Some things were... different.

What kind of execution do you think an Ultimate Detective would face? Maybe they'd crush their fingers with a heavy book over and over www Burn them alive with a magnifying glass until their head has a giant hole in it

And some things were...

Sometimes I wish the entire world would be the betting chip in the killing game. Can you imagine? Slowly starting to realize that it was real, and that everyone around you was going to die because these stupid kids couldn't win a game.

It would be the best.

Did it frighten Ouma? Partially, he had never met someone who had the ability to say these things and still have a face as sweet as Saihara's. But on page 15- he remembered specifically because he had it bookmarked- he read something that made his heart jump to his throat, and everything else was background noise.

This kid at my school keeps getting bullied, and no one does anything to stop it. Everyone acts like he could stop breathing and they wouldn't care.

They should all just die.

Ouma knew that was about him.

He didn't care how pathetic of a person it made him that he knew that sad statement was about him. That didn't matter. Even the response the post received of 'Maybe the kid should just man up lmao' didn't even stick within his brain.

On the pages of his most intimate thoughts, where he said things he didn't think anyone else could- or deserved- to hear, Saihara wrote about Ouma. About Ouma!

And it got the boy thinking. Maybe they should all just die.Even thinking the thought now, it felt perverse. Ouma never really blamed others for his problems, he always knew he was the cause of them all. Somehow, everything that went rotten in his life was the result of any of his plethora of faults. Or just his loathsome self in general, as his whole life seemed to be a train wreck.

But there was an excitement in that unsureness, the beginnings of a self-respect Ouma had never felt before. Saihara's words filled him with courage, and pride, for the first time in his life.

Suddenly, it wasn't his own self that deserved to die, but for a second, it was everyone else.

That feeling then, that cemented Ouma's love in his heart and made it unavoidable.

"I-I guess I know... everything? I'm sorry, again, I'm really, really sorry. But-" Did Saihara understand the feeling Ouma had? Being so drawn to someone that you just can't force your eyes away? "I think that it's really cool, Saihara-kun. I've never met someone that likes Danganronpa before! But I think you're cool for other reasons, of course! Like-"

Even now, the feeling was pulling Ouma's nervous eyes up, and despite his mind screaming in anxiousness that he should keep his gaze away, he looked back up at Saihara for the first time since the conversation had started.

What he saw froze his mouth open as a small noise trailed off his sentence.

Instead of looking enraged or appalled, as the boy had feared, Saihara looked intrigued. His pupils were blown wide, and his cheeks were flushed if only slightly, his hands curling in on themselves over and over like he couldn't stay still.

There was more silence, but Ouma couldn't even find it in himself to stammer. Just stare as the other licked his lips before speaking.

"Do you really like me, Ouma-kun?"

"O-Of course!" That response didn't need even a second of thought before he said it, still lost as Saihara's presence began to morph before his wide eyes. "I would do anything for you, Saihara-kun!"

It was an embarrassing admission, yet it was the truth. But by the pitch of Saihara's voice it was clear he wasn't fully convinced. Stupid Ouma, idiot boy, speak up, use your voice for once. Annunciate your words. I. Like. You.

"And you aren't trying to threaten me?" Saihara seemed serious, and Ouma caught himself before he laughed awkwardly, his automatic thought being that it was some sort of joke he didn't fully understand.

"Threaten?!- What? No, I would never!" Ouma shook his head violently, wondering when his shitty explanation had sent everything south. "Do you mean the stuff you said on your blog? I know people say a lot of things on the internet they don't mean, it's okay. Plus, I would never share that with anyo-"

He was cut off again as Saihara stood, now towering over the sitting boy as his hat cast a shadow on his face. Ouma was definitely starting to feel sick now, his whole body filled with some primal reaction to sprint away, or to expel all of his insides, and he wasn't sure why.

Why did the look in Saihara's eyes make his mind scream 'Run'?

"You probably shouldn't have looked at all of that."

"H-Huh?" Ouma barely had time to respond before Saihara bent down and left him pinned in place, a hand on either side of his lap and his face hovering dangerously close. It was Ouma's natural reaction to pull back, but if he did now, he would fall back onto the bed. And then Saihara would be on top of him. On top of him, on the bed. On the bed.