You drive me insane | Pregame Saiouma

Chapter 3

I'm sorry I keep leaving you guys on cliffhangers -

[...]

So instead, Ouma only flinched back slightly, unintentionally closing one eye as if he expected Saihara to bite his face off.

But he was only staring at him, his golden eyes so intense Ouma thought he might faint. His heart was crawling its way up his throat, and it was pounding in his ears. He didn't even have the time to lament the situation, his whole being was trembling and racked with his nervousness, accentuating his malady until he no longer shook in intervals, but at a constant pace.

"... I don't think you're lying." Saihara said after a while, once he was done inspecting Ouma's face for any sign of sneering spite or joking malice. He pulled back, and he heard Ouma let out the breath he had been holding inside of him, almost coming out as a small wheeze.

But Saihara couldn't deny his hands were shaking as well. He hadn't even realized how much until they were no longer pressed into the bed, and were tapping against his pantleg as he held them against his sides. There had been an inexplicable fear that sprung up inside of him when Ouma began admitting to his knowledge of Saihara's true thoughts, that only ebbed slightly upon the realization that this boy probably wasn't even possible of the underhanded tactics he was considering him taking part in.

Even through the threat of potential destruction of his carefully maintained persona, the shell of himself he had kept the same as his thoughts twisted and became rotten inside of him, there had been an excitement all the same. It was palpable now, by the twitching of his hands, and the undoubtedly pleased expression on his face.

Hearing someone else say the word 'Danganronpa'... it made him excited. More excited than he had ever imagined it would.

Ouma was prattling something off about promising to never lie to Saihara, when he spoke over him, his throat thick with his own saliva.

"So, you really like Danganronpa?"

"Oh? Yeah... I'm a pretty big fan..." Ouma cradled his Monokuma charm again, afraid if he said much more he would be complimenting himself too much. As if being a nerdy fan of a gore filled murder show made him someone cool.

"I would have never expected that from you Ouma-kun." Was that a compliment? In normal circumstance most likely, but Saihara loved Danganronpa... It made Ouma's chest sink, for some reason.

"Is that... so..."

After the rush emotions from the admission, it was silent again. Nothing had really changed, had it? Ouma's feelings were out in the open, he had confessed to his crimes and his infatuation, but Saihara had said relatively nothing. He hadn't turned him down, sure, but he hadn't accepted his feelings either. In fact, the quiet hurt worse than rejection, Ouma believed.

He brought a hand to his chest, the Monokuma squished tightly inside, and clutched at the fabric covering his heart, trying to calm what he felt. It was too much, and he would have been crushed under the weight of his self-hatred and sickness, if Saihara did not speak first.

His voiced sounded hesitant at first, like he was having trouble getting out what he wanted to say. The first syllables were only breathy attempts at the letters, until it finally formed fully into, "A... Anything?"

"Huh?" Ouma looked up, and realized Saihara was not hesitant, or nervous, but grinning widely as if he could not contain his excitement.

He wasn't stuttering, he was so thrilled he could barely speak.

"You said you'd do anything for me."

"D-Did I?" Ouma remembered saying it, but denying it was easier than facing the fact he had blurted out something so ridiculous and needy. He wanted to avert his eyes, but he was frozen looking at Saihara's face as he let out a raspy laugh. That feeling was back, the weirdly primeval fight-or-flight warning in his gut he couldn't understand.