The Beast Within Me | Nate Jacobs

Even if you didn't know

After the game Bee and Nate went to the motel outside of town. She'd called her dad to let him know she'd be sleeping at Jules as Nate drove there.

Being together still felt surreal, it seemed like they couldn't stop touching each other even if it was a small contact, like his palm over her knee or her fingers over his shoulder. They continued to check on each other as if the ridiculous fear of the other person vanishing before their eyes was real.

Once they got into the room they both undressed and got in the shower. Bee got in first and closed her eyes as she dipped her head under the stream. Nate took a few seconds to admire her from the distance.

"So are you just gonna stand there?" She asked once she'd opened her eyes back again. It was the same exact question she'd made when they'd seen each other again at that party at the beginning of the school year, in an entirely different context.

He spared her the answer and got in. The water pressure was strong and burning hot. His hands trailed over her smooth skin, raising up to her face tracing her chin and then moving up to her lips, so delicate, so perfect.

Surely she was made out of flesh and bone like everybody else but there was something about her existence that made him recover his faith. In good things. In happiness.

He felt like his body had given in to the effort of the past few weeks. Like it had finally surrendered and relaxed and everything he'd been putting off was manifesting just then. The thriving pain in his leg, the soreness of his muscles.

Bee seemed to notice and slid her palms over his skin gently helping him wash away all the sweat and the dirt from the game.

Days later when he tried to recall that night he wouldn't be able to gather all the details. He was too exhausted or maybe too drawn into the moment to remember everything that'd happened.

What he remembered the most was not being able to stay apart from her, the feeling of her skin and her soft moans.

"I love you." She whispered against his lips.

"Can you say it again?" He asked.

"I love you." She said as she trailed kissed down his chest. "I love you I love you I love you." She continued until her voice turned into a hum.

He looked at parts of her he'd never really took in before. Like her collarbones and the space between her ribs and her ankles. He was able to say things he'd kept to himself for weeks, like how much he adored her and how he'd do anything to stay by her side.

Nate fell asleep holding Bee in his arms. He slept soundly, all through the night for the first time in two weeks. When he woke up at dawn the next morning he felt like he'd slept for three days straight.  Her head was leaning against his shoulder, her arm sprawled across his stomach and her legs tangled up with the sheets by his side.

He was usually an early riser, he got anxious whenever he stayed in bed for too long. It was partly the reason he'd never had any girl sleep the entire night in his bed. Either he'd woken them up at dawn or drove them himself late at night. But with Bee it was different. Watching her sleep usually made him at ease.

But on that morning, it didn't.

It reminded him of how frail she was. His teeth ground together at the thought of the things he'd learned about her, the things she hadn't shared with him. Maybe she didn't trust him enough. Maybe she was too brave to let him into her weaknesses. Maybe it had all been too much about him and had left her no space to open up. Either way the thought of losing her scared him more than anything else he could imagine.