The Beast Within Me | Nate Jacobs

Self control

Later that night Nate drove to Bee's place. His blood felt so hot he felt like it might boil at any moment. He knew he wouldn't be able to sleep after what'd happened at the Carnival. Not only was he on the verge of losing control after Maddy's scene, he was also frustrated about Bee's behavior towards him in public. Whenever they were around other people she barely acknowledged him at all even though they'd been hanging out regularly for the past month and a half.

He knew how to act cautiously, to wait. But that night when he'd seen her hanging out with her friends, he wasn't really sure how long he could keep it up.

Most of the times he drove around her house he didn't let her know. He thought about it for a second before he got out of his car and walked over to the side to see if the light in her room was still on. He texted her and waited.

Bee opened the window and looked at him. She'd changed into an oversized shirt. "What are you doing here?"

"Can I come up?"

She looked back inside and said. "I don't think my dad's asleep yet."

He looked at the trellis on the side of the house where the climbing plants were growing and analyzed if he could go up through there. His cast was off but he was still doing physio.

"Don't even think about it." She said as if she could read his mind. "Meet me downstairs."

He circled the house and waited for her in the front door. When she opened he stepped inside.

"Quiet." She whispered when he walked in. "You need to take off your shoes."

But he just stood still looking at her for a second. He'd wanted to kiss her so badly before. And she'd actually let him in her house in the middle of the night.

For a second he forgot he was upset and took her face in his hands. He leaned closer but something stopped him before he could touch her lips. What if satisfying his desire came at the expense of losing her? It wouldn't be worth it. She was the only thing keeping him sane.

She pushed him away softly and said. "I'm serious, take off your shoes."

He breathed out and nodded.

When they got to her room she sat on the edge of the bed with her legs crossed. "Are you okay?" She asked.

He shook his head. "I got really mad." She bit her bottom lip.

"I think she was on molly, Nate."

"I don't give a fuck." He said. "She called my mom a cunt. You heard that, right?"

"Yeah. But she's hurt, I don't know. Have you talked to her?"

He shook his head again, pacing around the room. He took a seat on the floor in front of her and leaned his forehead against the bare skin of her legs. That was one of his favorite things about their friendship. Sometimes she'd let him get close. "I got so angry I almost lost it."

"But you didn't." She said and then added. "Right?"

He shook his head and felt her fingers running through his hair. He closed his eyes and tried to relax. He felt the skin of her thighs with his hands.
"Sometimes I get scared of myself." He said loud enough for her to hear. She didn't answer to that, but she didn't have to. Her mere presence grounded him.

"That was a kick ass act of self control." She said and then added. "For you."

"For me?" He looked up at her. "That's because self control isn't really my thing."