The Beast Within Me | Nate Jacobs

Impossible Standards

When Nate told Bee about Jules and his dad she listened quietly. He'd given her a ride home after school and they were sitting inside Nate's car, in front of her house. The sky was completely covered in clouds and there was a light drizzle falling from the sky. He couldn't look at her in the eyes as he described the whole thing, the tape, his dad's reaction when he'd seen her at the carnival, how he was scared she might press charges against him. It was only after he finished talking that she finally said something.

"She's not gonna tell."

"How do you know?" He asked.

"Nate, your dad talked to her at the carnival. He asked her not to tell anyone."

"What?"

"After he saw her. He told her she had the power to ruin his life or something like that. And she said she didn't want to. That she wouldn't do it." She said. "He just asked. I think that he was actually decent about the whole thing."

"He couldn't have done that." Nate said dismissively.

"Except, he did."

"No," he said emphatically.

"What did you expect him to do? Threaten her?"

"He's always fucking going on on how I need to seize everything opportunity to gain control. And telling me never to let anyone fuck me over and you're telling me he just left our family's reputation in the hands of an unstable girl?"

"Excuse me, Unstable? Do you even listen to the things you say?"

"That's not the point." He said in a louder voice.

"Does this really mean nothing to you? He chose to trust her. Why can't you? He was vulnerable for—"

"I can't hear this shit." He said and got out of the car. He kicked the door and slammed his hand against the glass. She shivered as she heard him curse from the outside.

It was the first time she'd really gotten scared of him since the accident and it wasn't bringing her any good memories.

She got out of the car and walked over to his side but stopped a few steps away from him. She tried to remain calm but on the inside she was praying he didn't lose control.

"Nate" She called him gently. He turned around and looked at her. He ran his palm down his face and breathed out.

"I'm sorry." He took a step forward but she took a step back almost instinctively. He kept his distance while he continued to say. "Its just, you know what's really frustrating? Hearing he's actually not so bad, that maybe he's actually human. Well, why the fuck hasn't he been that at home?"

"I don't really give a fuck about him, Nate. I thought you'd be glad because of what it means for you. He's trying to get you to reach this impossible standard he can't even reach himself."

"I know." He said, his voice suddenly much calmer. But it didn't really get her at ease. By then she already knew how good he was at putting a mask on. At pretending he was okay when he wasn't. "But that doesn't justify anything."

That cool headed, calculative version of him was the one that scared her the most. His eyes looked empty. All of a sudden he looked pretentious, bored. She hated it.