Mania +All American+

Chapter 7: only know youve been high when youre feeling low

(A/N. What's your favorite episode of all american? And who's your favorite charecter Jade interacts with?)

Zan picked me up bridal style from the bus and carried me to Shawn's house. I felt numb, dead. Or at least I want to be dead.

"What's wrong?" I heard shawn asked worried.

"She went from partying and drinking to not even talking," zan explained.

"Dadda what's wrong with Jady," maya asked her dad.

"Shes just sad maya. Go play with coop aight," he explained to her.

Shawn took me from Zans arms and carried me to his room. He grabbed my pill bottle and forced me to drink it. He laid next to me and forced me in his lap, kissing my head.

"Just sleep. You'll feel better tomorrow. "

I couldnt sleep. I was exhausted but couldn't force myself to close my eyes for too long. I was comfortable but didnt have the energy to move. To talk. I felt trapped in my own head and I dont being trapped there.

The next day I wasnt much better. I didnt have energy to get up put of bed. Shawn knew I did this, but had never seen me in this state. Now I'm worried he will decide I'm too much. I'm just too damn tired to get up.

"I'm buying my way out okay, Jade. Then me and you are going to Louisiana. We are taking coop, maya, and Zan too. We are going to get away," shawn said looking me in the eyes.

I numbly nodded my head.

"I'll be back. I love you, Jade," he said.

He picked up my hand and connected our pinkies, then kiss his hand. I forced myself to kiss my hand. It was the most I could muster the energy for.

Zans POV

"What's wrong?" I asked as shawn walked out from their room.

"Make sure she drinks some water. I'll be back soon," he told me and left the house. Coop was pacing nervously and maya was playing with her toys.

"She does this Zan. She-ive seen her off her meds and it looked very similar, " she told me.

"Shes been taking them," I told her.

"I know. But Zan shes very dark like this. Anything she says you cant take too seriously."

"What has she done?" I asked coop.

"It isnt important. Just know shes struggling."

Her phone rang and it was shawn she picked it up and was talking to him, a smile on her face. A smile meant good things. Good things were to come. Sure me and Jade would miss qualifiers today but maybe a change of scenery would be good for her.

Then I heard the gun shots as coop yelled no into the phone. I rushed to the window and saw shawn fall to the concrete in a pool of his blood. Coop ran from the apartment leaving me alone to watch a man who protected me bleed out.

I didnt realize I was screaming until my throat hurt and there were crack in the glass from me pounding on the glass. I collapsed on my knees sobbing.

Hes dead. Shawn's dead. And he died trying to save me.

Jades POV

"No, no, no, no" I whispered over and over again.

I heard the gunshots and I knew. He was gone. I didnt say I love you one last time. I didnt tell him everything he meant to me. I didnt say anything.

Hes dead. Hes dead. Hes dead. I couldnt think anything else as I hyperventilated in his bed. Shawn was my first boyfriend. My first kiss. My first everything and now hes gone.

And I sank even lower. Lower then I thought possible.

"Jade, I'm so sorry," zan said coming into the room.

I stared up at the ceiling tears falling down my cheeks. He came and laid beside me, sobbing. Both of us stared at the ceiling wanting the pain to go away.

JJ picked me up. He took me back to his house and held me as I cried. I was in hysterics, I was too down to be in hysterics. I excused myself to my bathroom and stumbled in there.

"Its helped before," I whispered and took a razor across my upper hip.

A year free of self harm gone. But I didnt care because the person I love is dead.

Once I finished cutting I didnt even bother cleaning them before walking back out to see JJ.

"I'm sorry Jade. You dont deserve this," JJ said softly.

"I have to compete tonight," I said standing up.

I do deserve every bit of pain. I didnt even tell him I love him.

"Jade. Just breath. You just lost someone close to you," JJ said.

"I cant rest," I said tears forming again,"his last words to me was I love you. I dont know what mine to him was."

"You had no clue what was going to happen," JJ said grabbing my hand only for me to pull away.

"I have to go. I'll see you later JJ. Goodluck tonight against Malibu," I said to him.

I stumbled from the house. I was in my dance outfit. A black cropped top and ripped black Jeans. I had a green bomber jacket and green combat to match.

Our crews name is J&L. Jade and lamar. We started the crew so we figured why the hell not. It's crazy that we are doing qualifiers without him. Without shawn. Why is everyone I love dying.

I arrived at the competition and saw Zan was there to. He was in a black tee shirt and black army pants. He also had on green combat boots and a marching bomber.

"As some of you know this is our first competition without Lamar. You all also know that the winner, if we make it past qualifiers, gets to do a music video with kendric lamar. That was his dream, and it's now our crews dream. For lamar!" I yelled.

"And for shawn," zan said.

"For lamar!" We said then followed with,"for shawn!"

"Are you okay?" Zan asked me.

"I will be," I answered.

"Next up, J&L!"

"Let's go!" Fresno screamed running out there.

We waited for judges scores hoping we scored enough to move on. My breathing was shallow as I prayed we'd get a good school.

Then the judged held up their signed. 7. 8. 7.5

That was good enough to qualify. Everyone around me cheered I'm excitement but I couldnt feel any excitement. I couldn't feel anything. Maybe it was shawn dying, but this feels like something else.

This feels like I'll never be happy again.

I feel empty.