I know my dad isn't home, at least not yet. I don't know when he comes back from work, but if I want to avoid running into him, I have to hurry. The current problem, in fact, is my mother. I don't want to hurt her, rather die... but I can't live here any longer. So I come into the house, my new bodyguards, Jisung decided to name himself like that and Minho seemed to like the idea, by my side.
- Haneul, darling! Oh, Jisung? It's been a long time since I saw you! And who is this charming young man? Nice to meet you, I am Haneul's mother.
My mother has a huge smile on her face and I can feel my heart break as she politely bows in front of Minho.
Minho bows 90 degrees and gives her a huge smile before approaching her somewhat, unwilling to raise his voice and preferring his usual soft voice.
- Nice to meet you madam. My name is Lee Minho, I am a close friend of your child. Let me explain the situation myself because your child, along with Jisung, has to take care of picking up his things before your husband comes home. Can we sit down, please?
His polite smile and his soft voice reassure my mother who doesn't look scary, with her apron and her messy bun. She goes to sit on the sofa, followed by Minho, while Jisung and I go upstairs. But I can hear the discussion perfectly, from my room. As I could hear all the times my father laughing at my build or insulting me.
- Your child will come and live with Jisung and me for a while. Please don't take it for yourself. I am sure you are a loving mother but your child does not feel safe in this house, especially when his father is home. Your child hardly sleeps anymore and starts to shake frantically as soon as it comes time to go home. He needs to settle down, to reflect and to find himself in an environment which can only be more beneficial to him.
I smile at Minho's words as I hand Jisung all the things I would need for him to put in a big bag.
But my smile fades when I hear the front door.
- Who's this young man?
My father.
- He is...
My mother is sobbing.
- He's Haneul's friend... She's going to move in with him for a while...
I tiptoe down, Jisung on my heels, the full bag in my hand.
- What do you mean? Did you get her pregnant? Damn, this slut didn't choose the most beautiful. I hope you're rich, at least.
An excess of rage takes my body and I go down the last few steps, beyond furious.
- Shut the fuck up! Why are you doing this to me? I just wanna be myself, just be free!
He has bloodshot eyes and looks at me fiercely.
- You, the school called me again! Damn, when are you gonna put on your skirt?
I take the scissors laying on the sideboard, among many pens and pencils, and cut my hair without really thinking about it.
- Never, because I'm a guy, dad. A boy ! I'm sick of you touching me, looking at me lustfully. It's disgusting! I can't take it anymore, and I'll get out of here with Jisung and Minho. You have nothing to complain about.
He grabs me by the collar and I lose all the confidence that had settled in me, becoming again this fragile little thing I hate so much. My torn hair falls into my eyes and my father grabs what is left and only holds me there, making me pull out a cry of pain choked by the sobs that make my body tremble. Minho rushes at me and hits my father in the face. Forced to let go of me, he turns to my friend to defend himself but Jisung opens the door and we run away, pursued for several tens of meters by my father who ends up giving up, convinced that I will come back.
The three of us stop in an alley, out of sight, and our jerky breaths echo between the buildings. To my broken breath follow my screams, weeping and vomiting my guts on the cold ground. Jisung lets the heavy bag fall on the ground and they both approach me, still breathless, trying to calm me down.
My heart keeps beating in my head and an awful buzzing fills it too.
- It's over, Changbin. It's over...
Minho strokes my upper back gently as I try to stand up, both hands on the asphalt. Jisung, meanwhile, hands me a tissue so I can wipe my mouth.
- We're going to Jisung's and you're going to be able to sit down, okay?
Minho looks up at Jisung.
- I could spend the night with you, don't you think? I can't leave him, even though I trust you.
Jisung tells him that there is no problem and they finish picking me up.
We now walk to Jisung's house, a small kilometer away. The two boys grab each of my hands and I feel reassured, protected. I'm less scared now.
YOU ARE READING
Not A Girl- Minbin
Fanfiction"Changbin is a boy. That's what he keeps telling his parents who don't accept him. However, when he meets Minho at a party, he finally sees the possibility of appearing under his real self. " I translated my own story (from @SunSungie) into English...
