a cottage secret

hopeless

Betty cried the way home on the train. Florence had fallen asleep on her shoulder and couldn't see it. The redheaded girl's tears fell right on the other girl's cheeks, but nothing could have waken her up.

Although she felt very blessed to have had that day with her girlfriend, to have said "I love you" as freely as she had done, she couldn't stop but wonder that every moment was one less moment with Florence.

While her head was spinning, the other girl slept like an angel, as if the world wasn't trembling down on them. Betty whispered her feelings to her while she dreamed. Even asleep, she smiled as if she had heard all those beautiful words.

They got to their town later than they had expected to. They had no energy to cycle back to their houses, so Florence went up to the payphone and asked the grandmother if she could pick them up. Half an hour later, Barbara shows up in her old mint green truck.

The two girls sat on the back seat and Florence fell asleep again on her girlfriend's lap. Betty tried to hide her sadness by looking down, but the old lady realized what was happening even before she started to pretend.

"How was your day today, Betty?"

"It was good, ma'am." She sniffed.

"What did you do in town?"

"Ah, we just went to the farmers' market, to the park and then we watched a movie." The young girl was trying to cut conversation short, otherwise Barbara would realize her voice breaking while talking about the fantastic day they had. She felt terribly cursed, to have those bad thoughts destroy the most perfect day she had ever had.

"Sweetie, are you okay?"

As soon as that old wise lady asked, Betty broke down – silently, to not wake her girlfriend up. Barbara's voice had a way of cutting deep inside her soul and finding out her deepest, most meaningful secrets. The worst part of it was that Betty actually didn't mind. She wanted to be understood. Of course, she could count on her girlfriend to see and hear her, but that subject was delicate for the both of them and Florence would much rather postpone thinking about it. However, Betty needed someone to hear her frustration.

With tears on her eyes, she muttered "no". Even though the old woman understood everything about their situation, she didn't have any words to comfort that child. She was a teenager, she was bound to get a broken heart. Hopefully, she'd think her granddaughter would be worth that pain.

"I'm sorry. I understand what you're going through but let me just say: it's not the end of your life."

"It does feel like it, though. It feels like I haven't lived until I met her and now my world is closing down again."

"You can't let that happen. You're a bright, young woman. And your whole life is ahead of you. Damn, my whole life is still ahead of me. You decide what you want to take from this experience."

"Right now I just want to keep her. I don't really know what's going to happen when she leaves. If she leaves."

Betty sounded terribly hopeful for the woman's granddaughter to stay in the country with her but, for some reason, her own voice lied to her. At some part inside her mind and soul, she knew there wasn't even an option. Florence wouldn't stay, she had too much awaiting for her in her life, and Betty was stuck. She wouldn't even let Florence stay, if that was indeed her choice.

She wouldn't stay. Betty knew it, and Barbara knew it too. To pretend there was hope was hopeless.

"What am I supposed to do after she leaves?", the redheaded girl asked the driver. She sighed. She didn't know what do with herself either after her grandchild left, now that that girl had touched more of her personal subjects than anyone has ever done in years.

"I really don't know, Betty." Suddenly, they were in front of the girl's house. "You'll keep living your life as you'd like to. You'll make yourself happy."

"I've never been as happy as now. And I'm afraid I won't be ever again."

The old woman let a lonely tear fall down her eye. It was dark in the car, so the little girl did not see it. She took a deep breath.

"You shall be happy, child. There's so much to come. You'll be sad, of course, but that's not going to stop you from feeling other things to. It's not going to stop you from enjoying the little shiny things that come into our lives. You have much ahead of you."

"I'll probably stay forever in this cottage and die not being able to experience the world and Florence will and she will be far more experienced and loved than I'll ever be because she's so much more than I am."

"That's not true. That's not true at all. You have value and it's not a relationship that will give you that or take that away from you. And if you want to get out of here, I'm sure your mother would support you. Your coming of age is ahead of you and all you need to do is grab it."

Barbara left the car and opened the door for her neighbor. Florence woke up, completely lost. She was surprised they were already home. Her grandmother told her to kiss the girl good night, because they were about to be separated for the next hours.

Florence proceeded to kiss Betty delicately and she could taste the saltiness of the girl's tears on her lips. She didn't ask anything, though. She'd say something if she felt like she needed to.

"I love you", she whispered in the redheaded girl's ear. "Sleep tight, my angel."

Betty stayed silent, watching them go to their house. She was by her cottage's door when her cat showed up and tried to jump to her arms. She took him close to her chest and smelled his warm orange fur.

"Hey!", she heard Barbara scream some meters away. "I can take you girls to another city tomorrow, where there's this incredible lake and you can enjoy each other! Be at my door by 9!"

Oliver got scared at the loud voice and jumped back into the house. Betty didn't answer right away, but she nodded as an affirmation. She wondered if that lively woman would tell her girlfriend she'd been crying about her. She hoped she wouldn't.

When she got into her house, her mother was knitting by the couch and Oliver purred by her side. She sat by her side and put her head on her mom's shoulders. Suddenly, the tears came back in.

"What happened, Betty? How was your day?", asked the mother, putting the cardigan she was sewing down.

"It was incredible. The best day of my life", and the tears kept falling down. Her mother didn't ask anything more but prepared some soothing tea and sang to her until she fell asleep on the couch with her unfinished jumper and her unbothered cat.