Tranquilize Me (A Mötley Crüe Story)

4.

Quick authors note: I just want to say, that because this is a fictional story, and I do not have time to just sit all day and write (though I wish I did), that not everything in the book would be totally accurate to what you would actually experience in a mental hospital/ psych ward (for example, Tommy feeding his food to Nikki, having visitation the day after he arrived, their hour break from nurses in the morning, and him not having group therapy like right away), but for the sake of the story, and my sanity, lets just go with it. Basically everything else aside from what I just mentioned is true. ALSO, yes I know Skylar was Vinces daughter but it would be weird if a sixteen year old boy had a four year old daughter. (thanks Laney in my DMs for telling me that I should clarify this before I got the chapter started.)

Also, PLEASE, don't use any of Tommys advice in this chapter. Inducing vomiting is never a good idea unless you've been poisoned. PLEASE.

Eating disorder help:

(713) 942-4100 (council on bulimia and anorexia recovery)

(201) 624-8937 (support for eating disorders)

(203) 724-9070 (helping a loved one with an eating disorder)

www.nationaleatingdisorders.org

If you have more sources please put them in the comments.

Tommy Lee

"Skylar-Skylar is the ghost of my little sister." Vince explains to me, after Nikki and I get him to calm down a little.

"Oh shit man I'm so sorry. I had no idea. So does she like just randomly show up? Or is it more of a scheduled thing? Can she touch you? Can you touch her? Is she like blue or does she have color to her? Is she normal, is her voice different? Does she have markings from the accident that show you how she died? Does-" Nikki clamps his hand over my mouth firmly to stop my rambling.

"Tommy, it-it's a lot to discuss right now." Vince says, looking down at his hands.

"It's okay, I'm sorry." I answer, prying Nikkis hand off my face.

Nikki looks up at the clock. "Okay it's breakfast time. Tommy, you can't give me your food today because there's a nurse named Sharise that always sits at our table to watch us eat. And she will FORCE you to eat." Nikki says, clapping me on the shoulder.

"Oh...fun..." I try to sound like a normal person when they get told that they have to eat breakfast.

But I'm not. I'm fucking insane. What kind of person beats themselves up to where they're skin and bones and then still can't stop?! Definitely not a rational human being who should be a part of society! I really shouldn't even be on this Earth. Fuck, I mean I even hate myself, so why am I still putting myself through this torture?

"Tommy, you okay?" Mick asks as I walk to the table.

The nurse is already there. She's blonde, with a sunny demeanor. She looks me up and down, and I know that she knows what I'm here for. Well, partly, considering I'm mostly here for Major clinical depression and a suicide attempt. "Hi you're new! Why don't you sit across from me!" She says in a perky voice, smiling brightly at me and tapping the spot across from her.

"...Okay?" I sigh, plopping down across from her.

Vince sits beside Sharise, and Nikki sits beside me. "You can go after you finish all the food on your plate." She informs us.

I look down at my tray. Two pancakes and two sausage patties. A banana and some water. Should be simple enough, right? Wrong. The pancakes have syrup practically oozing from them, as if they weren't bad enough already, the sausage patties are not exactly healthy, especially since I've been not eating at all these past few weeks, or the bare fucking minimum. And honestly? I just hate bananas.

"What's your name honey?" Sharise asks me, forcing me to look up from the mess on my tray as tears well up in my eyes.

"Tommy." I say quickly.

"Well Tommy, you have to eat what's on your tray, it'll help you feel better." Sharise points out.

Yeah fucking right bitch. I just nod, knowing I can't get out of this. I take a ragged, deep breath, feeling the eyes of Nikki, Vince, Mick, the blonde girl with her raven haired friend, and Sharise all on me. I cut the sausage over and over again, trying not to make it noticable. Then the pancakes, then the banana, one by one until slowly, I've eaten everything on the plate.

Then, my panic really starts to set in. I feel so weighed down, so heavy. I can practically feel everything in my body expanding and morphing. Oh god. I have to get this shit out of me. Like now. I can't stand feeling like this.

I grab my water bottle and four packets of salt, trying to dash back to my room as I nearly trip over everything in my path. I make it into the room and slam the door. My level of panic and toxic thoughts is so high that I don't even notice that Nikki is on the bed. Locking myself in the bathroom, I pour the salt packets into the water bottle, chugging it.

Then, I scour for my toothbrush, a slight sense of relief washing over me when I finally find it. I never really liked sticking my finger down my throat, only did it in dire emergency situations when I didn't have my toothbrush.

I use my toothbrush to trigger my gag reflex, tossing it aside as I feel it start to rise in my throat. I barely manage to make it to the toilet in time. I throw up, one hand on the side of the toilet, and the other on the wall to keep me steady.

I do it again, three more times. After I feel that I've done a good enough job, I let my weak and shaky body collapse onto the ground. I hear footsteps. Then I see Nikki looking down at me. His face is etched with a surprising amount of concern. "Holy shit, that's a lot of vomit. Are you okay?" He asks, sitting beside me and brushing the hair away from my sweaty face.

When I've purged, I never ever felt like this for so long. I push that worrying thought away, and drape an arm across Nikkis lap, ignoring how much my throat burns. "Y-yeah." I rasp.

Nikki strokes my face softly for a couple of moments. "I'm gonna get the doctor." He finally says, starting to stand up.

That kicks me into overdrive. "NO!" I exclaim, getting to my feet and grabbing his arm hard.

Nikki jerks away. "Why?"

"Nikki, I'm fine. I had a bad reaction to the syrup, I have a food sensitivity to it. I guess they forgot."

"Oh. Should I still get the doctor?"

"No, now that it's out of my system I'll be fine."

"Okay."

We walk back into the room, and Nikki goes back to reading his book. I start group therapy tomorrow. Doctors think it will be more comfortable than one on one therapy, and it will give me some friends and people to relate to. (Some people don't do group therapy. I did 👀, it helped me tremendously)

So for right now, I think I'm going to nap. Any energy I may have had is completely gone. I feel zapped. My body is literally screaming at me for some sleep. But, no such luck right?

"Tommy, it's visitation time." A doctor announces, just a couple of seconds after I lay down.

"Oh fuck. Okay." I groan, rolling my aching body out of bed and standing up.

"I'm sorry Nikki, you didn't have any visitors on the list today." The doctor continues, peeking into the room.

"I never do." Nikki says calmly, but I can detect a waver in his voice.

"You may someday." The doctor says.

"Yeah. Right. And maybe the earth will tilt back to 0° instead of 23°." Nikki replies, voice cracking a little, as I'm lead out of the room and to my waiting family.