Tranquilize Me (A Mötley Crüe Story)

8.

A/N: Something thats important to remember is that Anorexia is different for everybody, and that Anorexia is not always the same. Also I will probably start putting eating disorder hotlines in each chapter.

Eating disorder help:

(713) 942-4100 (council on bulimia and anorexia recovery)

(201) 624-8937 (support for eating disorders)

(203) 724-9070 (helping a loved one with an eating disorder)

www.nationaleatingdisorders.org

If you have more sources please put them in the comments.

Nikki Sixx

I pace the padded quiet room, anxiously chewing at my nails. I've been in here for at least an hour, and the silence is killing me. I have no idea what happened to Tommy after I got dragged out, limp and tranq'd. The doctors said they were giving me some time to cool off, but I really have no idea how long that will be.

Sometimes it will be hours, sometimes it will be closer to a day. Every time though, it's awful. There's nothing but the silence, and that freaks ne out more than anything. I find that, when you're all alone, and there's nothing else to do, the negative thoughts grab hold of you like claws.

Luckily, I don't have to wait long. Or possibly unluckily. Either way, two nurses come in, and one of them gently takes my arm. I'm led out of the quiet room and the nurses check me over for self harm markings.

"Can I go fucking see my roommate?" I ask indignantly.

"That's actually what we came here to talk to you about." A nurse says, looking down at his notes.

"Is he okay?" I gasp, eyes widening

"Tommys body is in a very fragile state. He's depleted it of energy and he's withheld everything that his body needs to survive, which put a huge strain on his heart." The nurse says.

"Is he dead?" A lump forms in my throat, forcing me to choke back the tears that form in my eyes at the thought.

"No, but we need you in there with him to keep him calm and relaxed, so he doesn't end up permanently damaging anything."

"Oh. Really?"

"Yeah, both you and Tommy act better near each other, and I think that being roommates has helped your behavior a bit Nikki. We can't put him back in the room yet due to severe health complications, but you can come down to the ward and see him." The nurse says.

"Okay." I mumble, and the lead me back to the ward where Tommy was.

The smell of disinfectant burns my nose. I gently push open the door, and try hard not to look away from my roommate. I've never seen a human look so skeletal. His arms are so thin that they're just bone, I can see every part of the bone and where the joints connect. He has his covers pulled down to where I can see his stomach, and it's actually sickening.

I feel as if I've just seen the reanimation of a dead person. He's squirming around in the bed like he's on fire or something. "This shit that they gave me...burns..." he mumbles, probably seeing my horrified glance.

"What is it?" I ask, trying to make some small talk.

"I...don't....know..." Tommy wheezes, sitting up in the bed to look at me.

"Potassium." Doctor Anderson tells me, injecting something into the IV line in his arm.

"Make it stoppppp!" Tommy begs with a whimper.

"Tommy I can't. You keep throwing up your feeding tube, so we have to find another way to get these vital nutrients inside of you. I can give you Saline to help though." Dr. Anderson explains gently.

Tommy just nods weakly as I pull up a chair beside his bed and give him a small, hopefully encouraging smile. The second that Dr. Anderson leaves, I take one of his hands and hold it tightly, kissing his cheek. He's cold to the touch, and his fingertips are blue. Tommy looks at me, eyes tearing up.

"N-Nikki I...I can't let them do this to me." His voice cracks with every word.

"Do what?" I ask, letting go of his hand.

"Put all this shit in me!" Tommy gestures frantically, trying to move from the bed.

I grab him and push his shoulders squarely back onto his bed. He gives me a distressed look but I can't budge on this. "Nikki my self destruction shouldn't matter to you cause you do the same fucking thing." Tommy huffs, weakly lifting his arms in defeat.

"The fuck do you mean?" I ask, but we both know exactly what Tommy means.

"You know exactly what I mean, you took out the blade on the crayon sharpener and I know you cut yourself with it. I know because I find it smeared with your blood under your pillow, I even tried it too, but it was kind of a dull blade so I just went back to throwing up," Tommy rambles, climbing out of his hospital bed again and pacing as far as the leads, pulse ox, and IV will let him go,which is about two centimeters.

"Tommy-" I start, trying to talk to him.

"And Nikki don't even get me started. I know you pay the Steven Adler kid with blowjobs to bring you all sorts of drugs you snort." Tommy finishes, finally forced to take a breath.

I shudder. The thing is, all of what Tommy said is true. I do that, and I probably seem like the biggest fucking hypocrite for it. However, this is different. I've fucking fallen head over heels for this boy. I don't want him stuck to tubes and basically on life support. I don't want to have to worry that his heart will give out like Karen Carpenters did.

So fuck it, I'm a hypocrite. I don't care. I'm keeping this bastard alive.

"Tommy it's because I care about you, dipshit."

His eyes seem to light up a bit and he cracks a small smile. "Really fucktard?"

"Of course you smelly fucking gym sock."

"Smelly gym sock?! You're the one who hasn't showered since I got here!" Tommy fakes being offended, and finally sits back on his bed.

The nurse walks back in, carrying blankets. Me and Tommy both stop insulting each other, because they take that seriously here. I swear they have no concept of a joke. I mean, you bang your head against a wall and profess how much you wanna die and suddenly you're put in 1 on 1 observation amirite?

"Tommy, we've called your parents to alert them of your change in condition, they're driving up from California right now." The nurse says. "And Nikki, it's 10 P.M. it's time for you to go back to your room."

I don't budge. The nurse sighs and I see Tommy give me a look that begs 'please stay, I need you'. I just give him a comforting glance, and fight the urge to sweep him in my arms, all 80 lbs of him.

"Can I stay in here tonight?" I ask.

"Nikki I shouldn't let you..." the nurse hesitates.

"Please? I'll even start participating in group therapy if I can stay here until Tommy's healthy enough to come back!" I beg.

The nurse looks from him, to me, and then back to him. She hesitates for a long ass time, before finally giving us both a small smile. "Fine, but you two better not disturb the other patients."

"I won't"

"Nikki that includes peeing in peoples beds."

Ah, damn it.