Going Full Throttle

Chapter 30

I dragged my feet as I got ready this morning. I still hadn't wrapped my head around exactly what had happened last night. Something in my gut told me that even with very little said, a lot was decided.

The entire evening had been different than our usual interactions. The cuddling and sweet touches. Tyler's endearingly dumb attempts to calm me. Even the complete lack of inhibition as I ugly cried in front of him. For the briefest moment, it felt like I could relax. Like I could let go of the fear I held about blurred lines.

Of course, the second I did, everything I had been scared of came true. I liked Tyler Westwood. No, that wasn't accurate. There was so much about him that I didn't like. His arrogance, his stubbornness, his inherent belief that he knew better than me. Except that, even with all of that, I did have feelings for him.

I knew in my bones that something had shifted for Tyler as well. I didn't know if his feelings had grown as mine had, but something had changed. He had finally dropped the charade he put on all of the time, and I saw a glimpse of the guy underneath the mask. Only for a moment though, before his walls slammed back up.

I had run out of things I could do to avoid the day. Whether I liked it or not, I would have to face Tyler eventually. Maybe my period had dramatized last night in my head? Maybe I'd see him today and we'd go back to normal. The pit in my stomach didn't agree, but I tried to stay positive.

"Finn!" I called up the stairs. "I'm going outside, come out when you're ready!"

I waited for his half-hearted mumbled response between the clash of plastic action figures. He was in the midst of an epic battle between Batman and the Hulk so I didn't expect much more than that.

Leaving the door slightly ajar, I walked into the backyard with my coffee mug. The Thompson's were probably already awake and finishing up their breakfast. I took a deep breath, knowing that within minutes I'd face Tyler.

The calm ripples of water glinted in the morning light and beckoned to me. I tiptoed across the dewy grass as I followed the pull to dip my feet in. The rough planks of wood soothed me as I stepped onto the dock. It was like muscle memory from years of seeking peace here.

I sat at the end of the dock with my back pressed against our make-shift jumping platform and dropped my feet into the water. Clearwater Lake first thing in the morning was always perfectly calm. Boat and Jetski motors hadn't ripped up the sandy bottom yet so I could see almost right down. Tadpoles and fry skitted around my feet as they clearly enjoyed the calm water too.

The creak of the Thompson's glass doors made me turn around. Tyler stood on their deck, staring out at me apprehensively. He looked as though he wanted to go back inside, but he knew he'd been caught. Anxiety punched me in the gut and I twisted back to stare at the lake. If he wanted to escape, he could. That was answer enough if he didn't even want to face me.

I forced myself to stay relaxed as I sipped my coffee and watched the water. The hairs on the back of my neck stood at attention and I knew Tyler still watched me. I hated how badly I wanted him to walk out here. It felt like my heart was silently calling his name, hoping he'd listen. I was torn between the logical part of myself and the emotional. The former knew that I wasn't going to like what came next, while the latter still hoped.

Heavy footsteps slapped along the wooden dock toward me. Anxiety and hope swelled in my chest in equal measure. Tyler stopped a few feet behind me and I took a deep breath then stood up. I arranged my face in a placidly still expression then turned around to face whatever he had to say.

"Good morning," I said as I lifted my mug to my lips. I flicked my eyes around, unable to stare directly at him.

Tyler cleared his throat then asked, "How are you doing?"