Going Full Throttle

Chapter 15

I stood in the driveway of our cabin and kept a smile plastered on my face as I watched the RV roll away. My heart twisted in my chest but I didn't let anything slip until I knew there was no chance Finn would see me.

For the last few days, a pit had been growing in my stomach. It started as slow churning anxiety that made my whole body feel like it was covered in exposed nerves. I was edgy and nervous, but I couldn't identify why. I knew Finn would be well taken care of with his grandparents, and yet I couldn't stop feeling like there was something wrong with him not being near me.

As I watched them pack up Finn's stuff into the RV and wave goodbye, it had hit me. It wasn't that I didn't know he would be taken care of, it was that I wouldn't be the one who did it. I wouldn't tuck him into bed for seven days. I wouldn't cook him dinner and listen to his endless chatter. I wouldn't swim and laugh and play with him.

Simply put, I would miss him.

I slumped onto the steps of the cabin and pulled out my phone. After dialling the number, I raised the phone to my ear and dropped my forehead into my free hand.

"Hey bitch, what's up?" Grace said in way of a greeting.

I opened my mouth to speak but nothing came out. My body wracked with a sob as I pressed my forehead harshly into my hand. The pain in my heart stung my chest and swelled my throat. I fought to breathe through the sobs that ripped out of my chest every time I opened my mouth.

"Oh baby girl," Grace sighed into the phone. "No. Come on, take a breath. Whatever it is can't be that bad."

I arched my spine and lifted my face to the sky, sucking in as much air as I could. This tension in my chest was unfamiliar and unwelcome. I wasn't one to lose control of myself often, and I was frustrated with my own body for betraying me. Somehow that anger was able to push the sadness aside and I captured some control over my breathing.

"Finn's grandparents took him," I whispered into the phone.

"What?" Grace shrieked. "They can't do that! Those fuckers. Listen we are going to lawyer up and you are going to get him back no problem I promise."

"No, no, no," I sat a little straighter and shook my head. I needed to clear my brain and start thinking—and speaking—straight. "I meant that they took him on vacation. But they didn't even ask and he's gone for a whole week. I-I-I—"

"You'll miss him," she finished for me softly. I nodded, not caring that she couldn't see. "Okay listen," she added, "Jedd and I were close to ambushing you anyways. We can be there in two days. We'll take care of you, girl."

I nodded again and then cleared my throat. "You are the best."

"I know, babe. I'm God's gift to the world."

I laughed quietly at Grace's unbridled confidence. She was unapologetically a Samantha in a world of Charlottes pretending to be Carries.

"Thank you," I finally whispered.

"In two days we'll be there and we'll keep you busy until Finn's back. You just have to make it till then. Do you have anything to distract you?"

My mind wandered to Gwen's offer. It was Friday afternoon, if I went out on Saturday then Sunday would be a right off as a hangover day.

"Yeah a friend from work invited me out," I said.

"Perfect. I'm going to go now, babe. I've got to call Jedd and start getting organized to leave."

***

I flitted around my room digging out makeup from my university boxes and trying to get in the party mood. Since I was alone in the house I had the speakers in the kitchen on full blast, pumping music throughout the small cabin. I had an hour before Gwen picked me up and I honestly felt lost with how to get ready.