Going Full Throttle

Chapter 5

3:30 am.

4:45 am.

5:50 am.

I watched the large red numbers of my alarm clock taunt me from my bedside table. Each time a minute ticked by, then an hour, it reminded me of how much work would suck tomorrow.

Or I guess today.

A groan rattled through my dry throat as I slammed my head back against the pillow. I didn't get one wink of sleep last night. Every time my eyes would begin to slip closed I'd shoot awake from tortuous memories of my fight with Tyler.

Guilt riddled my stomach, making it queasy and nauseous. It wasn't exactly what happened with Tyler. I barely knew the guy. It was what I said.

The echo of me using Sophia's death as a means to win an argument wouldn't quiet down enough for me to sleep. I'd sent up so many prayers and apologies, hoping that it would bring me peace, but it never came. So instead, I spent each passing moment vowing to do better. For Sophia, for Finn, and for myself.

Part of that was avoiding Tyler. Or at least, not engaging with him. The inexplicable intensity that burst between us scared me enough to know that I had to stay away. I didn't like the person I became in that argument, and I didn't feel like having a repeat.

The stuff he had said about Soph still made my blood boil when I thought about it, but I knew that I had escalated it just as much. My best bet was to just disengage and not allow it to happen again.

I jumped when my alarm blared in my ear, signalling that it was time to get up. My joints cracked and popped as I stretched out of bed. My morning routine went by in a blur from the fatigue clouding my brain.

Soon I was up in Finn's room, attempting to wake him up.

"Aunty, I don't wanna go to Sawa's." Finn's sleepy voice rolled into the darkness as I sat on the edge of his bed.

"Actually," I smiled, "Twyla offered to take you today. Would you like that? She's fine with you swimming as long as you follow the rules."

Finn perked up in bed, his eyes widening at the offer. "Can I jump off the dock?"

"I'm sure you can," I laughed. "But you have to wear a lifejacket, same as with me."

Finn jumped out of bed and raced to his closet, throwing clothes around. I assumed he was on a hunt for his trunks, so I went back to the door and flicked the lights on.

In no time, we had his backpack filled with his swimwear, a towel, and of course, a few action figures. I ushered Finn downstairs and was happy to see that we were actually doing well for a time.

"What do you want for breakfast?" I asked as I opened cupboards and pulled out some options. "And don't say cookies," I added quickly. I smiled when he huffed, clearly having planned on asking.

"Eggos?" He asked instead.

I opened the freezer and sighed; of course, we were out of Eggos. "Sorry, Kid," I grimaced. "I'll go grocery shopping after work, okay? I can scramble you some eggs, though?"

Finn reluctantly agreed, and I set to work making his food. Once he was done and cleaned up, I grabbed his lunch and backpack and led him next door.

I didn't bother knocking before I entered Twyla and Beau's house, instead just walking Finn right into the kitchen.

Twyla stood at the counter pouring three mugs of coffee. "Why hello there," she greeted cheerily as Finn stepped behind my leg shyly. We moved farther into the room, and I cringed as I realized that Tyler and Beau were sitting at the table already.