Tom’s POV:
“You look like you’ve been hit by a bus” Tonia’s voice reaches my ears as I lay curled up on the front steps, the hood of my sweatshirt pulled tightly over my head hiding my tear stained cheeks. She didn’t appear to hate me as she takes a seat down next to me. “Are you alright?” She rests her small hand on my back.
Sitting up next to her, I pull the hood off from over my head and swallow hard trying to coat my raw throat.
“What do you think?” My voice is hoarse from screaming my head off before. “Lace hates me, and is never going to talk to me again, everyone thinks I’m a complete knob, and Chris wants to murder me.”
“Hey, hey, hey! Don’t say things like that!” She wraps her arm around my shoulders pulling me closely into her.
“Why not Tonia?” I duck under her arm and move away from her. “It’s the truth; don’t even try to tell me it’s not.”
“Munchkin...” She lets out an exasperated sigh. Once again she wraps her arm around my shoulders and pulls me into her; this time i don’t pull away and just rest my head on her left shoulder. “Not everyone hates you. I mean look at me, does it look like i hate you?” She squeezes my shoulder lightly. "I could never hate you, Thomas Robert Daley it’s just an impossible task.”
I don’t say anything. The two of us sit in silence; Tonia running her hand up and down my left arm as I grit my teeth trying not to fall into a fit of tears once again. As much as i loved Tonia i couldn’t help but wish she wasn’t the one here with me right now: I didn’t want to be consoled by her and have her tell me she loved me, I only wanted to be with Lace. I know I’m being a selfish motherfucker for wanting this but I just couldn’t shake the images of her screaming that I hated her and how I’ve ruined everything for her. I couldn’t handle her having Laci loathe me that much, I could handle the rest of the team but not her- I needed her in my life.
“I need her Tonia.” The barely audible words escape through my quivering lips, the built up tears behind my eyes following shortly behind them. I reach behind my back and pull my hood up over my face once again: I didn’t want anyone to see me like this- not even Miss.Tonia Couch.
“What?” She ask a confused look rests in her blue eyes. I am unable to speak for a moment as my jaw locks up.
“I need Lace.” and just like that the ramblings of a crazy person begin to fly out of my mouth. “I need to see her right now. I have to apologize. I need to see her everyday. She needs to know- Laci-Rae Mears needs to know that i love her. I have never stopped loving her and i never will. I can’t be without her. I can’t...” My mouth is unable to communicate my frantic thoughts fast enough causing each sentence to slur into the next. I stop myself before the words are completely incomprehensible due to my heaving chest. I could barely breathe as I place my head into my hands; as long as Laci hated me I was always going to be like this- the walls were always going to be crashing down on me until I was squished and couldn’t breathe.
This time it was Tonia’s turn to remain silent. It was obvious she didn’t know what to say, so she didn’t say a single word. I collapse into her lap and she just lets me stay there, tracing circles with her pointer finger on my shoulder which strangely calms me, until it feels like I’m on solid ground once again. My chest stops heaving and i can breathe normally once again.
“I’ll see what i can do, Tom” she says. Even though it wasn’t a promise that Lace would ever speak to me again it was a step in the right direction: I needed Tonia to make this work.
