The cool air hits me as I step out of the changing area: my dark hair slicked back into a tight bun on top of my head, a dash of waterproof mascara on my eye lashes, since I knew there would be press swarming the place, my rucksack on my back and my team GB track suit thrown over my swimsuit. My eyes scan through the faces all around the pool, each wishing me good luck as I pass them, until I spot the two blondes and one out of the two brunettes I was searching for. I instantly take off into a quick jog towards them while also looking out for puddles: I couldn’t risk slipping and falling before my most important competition to date.
“Good luck, Laci-Rae” Jack pulls me into a tight hug. “Don’t tell the Leeds girl’s this but I’m rooting for you. You’ve got this beautiful!”
”Thanks babe” I say then kiss him on the cheek before being tugged away and turned around by my shoulders.
“Just so you know I’m planning on kicking your ass, Munchkin” Tonia jokes like we always did every time we competed against each other.
“Good luck with that…” I respond back with a cocky bitch attitude which came accompanied with a head tilt, pouty lips and eyebrow raised. “Because I’m going to kick yours”
“You wanna go right now?” Tonia’s voice deepens as she takes a step closer to me sticking out her chest and arms to the side as she hovers over me attempting to be intimidating.
“Yeah, bitch let’s go!” I go up on my toes and yell at her. To anyone who didn’t know the relationship that Tonia and I have would think that we were actually about to have a go at it as we continually get in each other’s faces and call each other names.
“I love you” Tonia says laughing no longer able to keep the act going.
“Love you too, Tonia” I say as she pulls me into a hug.
“Me and you numbers one and two!” We say in unison reminding each other of the goal for today: both of us qualifying for the Olympics. Today was the day that our dreams would become a reality.
Our love fest is interrupted as Chris comes over and envelopes both of us in his large arms.
“My two favorite ladies!” He addresses us, a smile beaming on his face. “My little sister…” He leans down and kisses my forehead. “and my beautiful girlfriend…” he quickly pecks Tonia on the lips. “ are going to kick ass in individuals today!”
The three of remain with interlocking arms for a while just chatting it up until I decide to give Chris and Tonia some alone time before trials begin. I break out of the arms wrapped tightly around me and do a quick scan for the one person I always talk to and receive a pep talk from before every competition; however, he was nowhere in sight. A feeling of worthlessness and hopelessness washes over me.
“What the fuck Tom you promised” I mumble under my breath as I make my way towards the pools edge. Tom’s promise that he would be with me all day today before trials began echoing through my head. Did he think I wasn’t worth his time or something? He didn’t stop by Tonia’s, Sarah’s and my room this morning, he didn’t eat breakfast with me, he didn’t sit with me on the way here and now he’s absolutely nowhere to be found.
He messed you up once- you knew he was going to mess you up again- why did you fall for him again?
I roll up the bottom of my pants until they are up to my knees and sit down. A slight shiver runs through my body as I dip my feet into the pool’s cold water. Reaching into my rucksack, I grab my phone and headphones. Turning my music up until I can’t hear anything else anymore, I just sit watching the ripples form as I swirl my feet around in the water. Big and small rings alike form, combine, and disappear within seconds, sucking me into a trance completely disconnected from the world around me; the familiar feeling of numbness that I grew used to months ago slowly crept its way back into my body.
A tap on my shoulder causes me to jump as I am suddenly sucked out of my trance.
“Tom?” I ask hopefully before taking off my headphone and hanging them around my necks. “Oh, it’s only you” disappointment washes over me as I see Andy standing behind me.
“What do you mean it’s only me?” Andy asks pretending to be insulted by my clear disappointment of who had disturbed me.
“Don’t take it personally, I was just expecting… well hoping you were someone else” I explain with a slight shrug of my shoulders. “But what’s up?” I ask forcing a smile onto my face noticing the worried expression on Andy’s.
“They’re beginning to line you girls up for introductions” He offers me a hand to pull me up off the tiled floor. “Are you sure you’re alright?” Andy asks clearly seeing through my fake smile and into the not-so-happy thoughts currently swirling around my head.
“Just nervous” I lie reaching up to grab a strand of hair to twist between my fingers, only to remember that I had twisted every piece up into my bun.
“Since when do you get nervous?” he skeptically raises an eyebrow at me.
I don’t respond as I rack my brain for possible explanations and yet only Tom’s name floats around in my mind: he wasn’t here to talk to me before the competition and calm my nerves like he always did. While still scrambling to vocalize my thoughts, Andy begins to speak.
“Laci I’ve been your coach since you were this big” using his left hand he draws a line in the air at a height not much smaller than my current height. “You have nothing to be worried about: you’ve just turned eighteen and you have won the British and European Championship for how many years now? You’ve also medaled in a ridiculous amount of international competitions. This is no different from any other competition.”
“Andy I-“ He cuts me off as if reading my thoughts.
“Laci-Rae Mears, please do not let a boy ruin everything you’ve worked” He grabs and holds me by my shoulders. “I know you don’t feel as if you can do this because the press hasn’t been all over you like they have to Tom about being a definite in, but this is your time to show yourself as Laci-Rae Mears, the world class diver, instead of Laci-Rae Mears, that girl Tom Daley used to always be with. I know you can do this, you just need to believe in yourself.”
I just nod my head. He was right I couldn’t let Tom ruin this for me. I have worked so hard for all of this, after everything I’ve went through I deserved this.
“I’m not letting you go and compete until you say it” He says in a stern almost father-like tone.
“No boy, not even Golden Boy Thomas Robert Daley is going to ruin my Olympic chances.” Andy nods his head as if telling me to continue. I close my eyes, deeply inhale and then breath out “I can do this!”
“Yes, yes you can.” A smile spreads out across Andy’s face as he lets me go, allowing me to go join Tonia, Sarah and the other female ten meter platform divers. A newly found confidence washes over me as the thousand pound weight feels as if it has finally been lifted off my shoulders.
*
“Tonia Couch, Laci-Rae Mears, and Sarah Barrow: Plymouth Diving Club” The announcer’s voice booms through the speaker. The three of us step forward, each of their fingers intertwined through mine and giant smiles plastered on each of our faces.
Even though there are thousands of people in the crowd cheering for our little trio, my ears want to hear only a single word screamed out from the crowd: Lace. I didn’t want an “I love you Lace” or anything like that, I wanted to hear just my name called out from the sole person on this earth who refers to me as that, so I could prove that I was worth his time. I want to have him watch me hit all my dives and succeed knowing he had no part in it.
