"How was your first day back?"Pepper asks while I help her cook some pasta. She put me in charge of the meat for the first time which is kinda odd. I guess she would rather make the pasta we made yesterday.
"It was alright. I'm a little tired now but it wasn't so bad...people kept apologizing about May." I finish seasoning the meat and throw it on the stove.
"Can you cut the bread so and toast it."She said cutting some veggies. I nod. Peppers is pretty good at cooking and it's always fun helping her. We almost always make everything from scratch which is nice and healthier. Which I guess is both good and bad because I like to snack and sometimes fruit and greek yogurt aren't what I want.
"But continue."She says.
"Well it's gonna sound bad but I'm tired of hearing it. It's like I've been hearing it forever I just wish people didn't know." She pats my back. "I wish they just pretended it didn't happen."
"That's understandable."
What's worse is I haven't even gone and visited May yet. I can't do it not yet. Even the idea of it makes me wanna scream. Like I know she's dead just I can't bring myself to let her go and today was like the nail in the coffin. (Great comparison Peter.)
"But what did you guys do today?"I say changing the topic. I miss May.
"CEO stuff, Tony had a meeting."I nod. "Just boring stuff." I go finish cooking the chicken and Pepper finishes the sauce, after mixing everything I make the two salads putting both in a big bowl and setting them in the middle of the table. "All set, "I say Tony then walks in. We sit Nat Wanda and Steve and Bucky come and eat. The rest of the team is out. I don't pay much attention to what they're talking about instead I have my nose in a history book trying to get caught up.
"What you reading Peter?"Wanda asks.
"A book for world history, I have a test Friday and if I do good my grade can get to like a 90." Wanda smiles at me "And you said you wouldn't get your grades up."I cringe and look at Tony, he lets out a little laugh.
"What?"Steve says.
"Peters pulling all the cards he can."
"I'm not lying though I'm just hoping my situation will help me get my grades back up to an A, also my class Ranking is now bad but it should go up. All my grades are above a B now. Well, I have like a 60 in English but Mr.Dean is a di- jerk. He's not even helping me get caught up."I say. I got two weeks to fix that English grade or I won't get my credits if I don't have above a 95. But Mr.Dean is being an asshole and made me feel like an idiot today.
"What did you get on your Spanish test."
"96."
"You're welcome," Natasha says I roll my eyes playfully.
"I bet you 10 dollars she'll have him fluent in Russian by the time he's 18." Pepper days to steve
"Oh definitely. He's already got a good understanding but I've been teaching him for a while though." Natasha says. I nod. Natasha has been teaching me since I met her almost a year ago (along with Spanish but Spanish is kinda easy and I'm already kinda fluent in Italian because of May.) Natasha grins. I get back to my reading while they talk. I'm too focused on the book and my food. But the sound of the news snaps me out of my little world of getting my shit together.
"Crime rates have sky-rocketed since the disappearance of spider-man. The people of Queens keep asking where is spider-man, some believe the vigilante has given up on New York-
"Fri changes the channel," Pepper says. "Don't worry about it Peter, you can get back to it when you are ready."I take a deep breath.
"I don't know if I'll get back to it, "I say staring at my food. Everyone goes quiet.
"You don't wanna be spider-man anymore?" Tony asks I shake my head.
"I didn't...I didn't ask for it, and I don't know why I prioritize it so much." It's selfish to say but maybe I deserve to be selfish, just for once. May and Ben believed in kind acts but ever since I got bit my life has gone downhill. I mean Ben died like a week after I was a bit. Then I lost so much time with May. I lost time with friends I've actually stopped being friends with people, I let my grades fall, and I quit basically everything. All to be spider-man just for my life to become a shit show. The nightmares are all because of that stupid spider bite.
I just want to be normal now.
"Because you're a good person Peter, you like to help people," Nat says She sounds like May.
"You used to beg to always be on patrol." I shake my head
"Things change, "I say playing with my food. "I have other things to worry about...I can't handle everything."
"Well obviously you need time, and that's okay you are a kid you don't need to be stressed out about that Peter. But I know you and eventually, you'll wanna get back to it."
"I think it's okay if I don't get back to it." I admit "Like I'm sorry me getting stabbed and shot at isn't something I wanna do but I don't know anymore."
"Peter...I don't think May-"
"Don't bring her into this."I tense at her name. How could I go out and act like a hero after it all?
Heros are strong, they don't give up. They don't try to kill themselves, they save people not let the ones they love most die. May and Ben died because I couldn't save them, no dream can tell me otherwise. I was just pretending to be a hero and I can't do it anymore. It was fun while it lasted, it was. But I'm not a hero
"Another thing your avoiding-"I cut him off.
"You think I can ignore her death? Trust me I would much rather be at home with her than here" I snap at him. He's not gonna use May, he's not gonna act like losing her doesn't hurt! Like I can ignore her being dead.
"Excuse me-"
"Don't you try to act like I'm avoiding her death! I literally can't, nothing is gonna go back to how it was! She's gone I'm alone now!"
"No, you not and I get that everything sucks right now but your gonna have to move on Peter-"
"Really? Oh, I couldn't tell from all the therapy, doctors, and stupid mental hospitals" My voice raises a little.
"Both of you calm down!"Pepper says.
"Well, he brought her up!"I say standing up. I feel my face heat up and my eyes start to burn with salty tears. "I'm going to bed, thank you for dinner Pepper."
"And there you go avoiding your problems."
"Just shut up!."I say. I can feel the anger I'm my chest. "Just stop!"
"Tony let him go he had a hard da-"
"No, he needs to sit and talk about this!"Tony cuts off Pepper and I roll my eyes.
"What if I don't wanna fucking talk ?"
"Don't swear at me kid! And I want you to talk to us, talk to me!"
"Just leave me alone! And stop acting like your my Dad, your not my anything!"
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"You're not my fucking Dad Ben okay!"
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Tony looks taken aback and I can see the hurt in his but I'm too mad to feel sorry. I wipe my eyes clean of tears before going to my room.
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Word count- 1338
Date-6/13/22
Sorry I haven't updated in a while I needed a mental break but I hope to get back to updating like normal again!
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What lies behind a smile
FanfictionDISCONTINUED Peter Parker never had an easy life, but he put up a front as a happy kid. After the death of his aunt all his secrets come out. Tony Stark takes Peter in will the Avengers be able to save Peter from himself? T•W This story contains h...
