smile!! [yugbam]

don't care by kyg

i'll want you more,
without being self-conscious
i'll want you more,
without a care
i can't help it now
i wanna go how my heart goes

-

"because i swear... everyone needs to know what this feeling is like."

his words... his stupid words... kept ringing in his head over and over again.

every little word kept replaying in his head.

his bright, sparkling eyes. his fluffy looking hair. the face he made when he look so touched by his artwork. everything about him keeps staying so fresh and vivid in his mind.

but why?

yugyeom doesn't know not even 5% about this guy. yet, he lets this guy take over his thoughts. maybes it's the thoughtful words he said about his own pieces. maybe it's the way he's so impaired by him even though he's not bat one eye of interest to him. the way he's so persistent in what he wants. the way he just... cares about him. for some god known reason.

the feeling that growing for him made him sick to his stomach.

it's repeating again, strangely. and so quickly too.

he felt so sick... perhaps he made a bad whimsical decision.

and oh how he regrets it so much.

yet somehow... this isn't the most pain he's ever felt in his life. second, but not number one.

number one will probably forever be the way his heart broke into a million pieces when jaebeom rejected him.

he's felt some sort of consciousness for a while now. he doesn't know where he is or how he's moving(?) but all he knows is that he's still alive.

and the feeling of the most comforting, precious cloth tied around his wrist: it still lingers.

is it stupid to have kept this useless piece of shit?

well, maybe it's not that so-

"heh... you know i hate to see you like this." the softest voice spoke out, slightly ringing in yugyeom's ear.

a rush of the moment that happened only
a few hours ago suddenly hit him hard in the head.

god. he saved me didn't he?

he eventually finally felt a pair of hands wrap bandages around his head.

yugyeom tried really hard not to blush in his half consciousness. he's so fucking dumb.

"i know i barely know you at all even... but there's truly something about you that i can't take my eyes off of. perhaps i feel like i know you already just because of your art. i think about what i said to you a lot the other day and..."

fuck. yugyeom cursed at himself in his own mind. stop talking. stop saying those words. you better quit it or else i'm-

"you have no idea how much i want this dream to happen... still seems impossible though."

he heard him sigh as he got away from the couch, walking away to somewhere else, leaving yugyeom cold alone.

yugyeom wanted to open his eyes, jump off the couch, and hug the little guy so badly...

just to thank him for still believing in him. saving him and taking care of him so dearly.

it's the least he could do.

but...

this is the perfect opportunity to finish things. this is the perfect time to shut this entire 'relationship' down.

"LISTEN TO ME! listen to me once, and this final time. never... EVER talk to me again. please, just leave me alone. get a life."

yugyeom slammed the door behind him, immediately falling to the ground, completely shattered.

he banged his fist against his forehead multiple times, feeling the handkerchief brush against his cheeks as it hung down on his wrist.

"i didn't... i didn't want to." he whispered out loud. "but i had to."

he got up and walked away as if nothing happened. "yea. i had to."