smile!! [yugbam]

don't think by kyg

tonight lonely, alone with you
i want to stay still in this time
when you look at me with your eyes,
what do you want?
i'll give it all you, everything, even the stars
tell me everything, anything, all tell me...

-
*thump thump. thump thump.*

yugyeom breathed heavily as he slammed the door behind him and threw himself on to his bed, mind completely spinning in a circle, dazing off just rethinking of what happened earlier.

he's home alone now, but he's never wanted someone to keep him company right at this second so badly before.

he's never felt his heart beat out of his chest so intensely before. it almost felt as if... he's never been in love before. and this was the first time he's ever experienced the true feeling of love.

he gulped as the intense beating continued to take over him, almost to the point where it's unbearable. sweat started to drip down his face. i promised to myself to never fall in love with anyone every again. he closed his eyes and let his mind wander off. but it happened. i let myself feel it again. he tried to recreate the feeling of bambam's lips onto his again. picturing the smallest details the exact way it helped in turns of events. from the way bam had his hands on his cheeks to the exact millisecond bam took to breathe in between his kisses... to the way he moved his body against him. the way he started to grind up on yugyeom.

oh how he wished he let him continue so badly.

his mind was rushing to find satisfaction in this new fantasy he started to created in his imagination. a world where he stayed over at bambam's house. and they play around with each other until the sun sets. where he got to become familiar with the space that bambam slept in every night. and got to sleep with him on the same bed. a wild dream where he wasn't sleeping alone, but next to bambam, or perhaps,

on top of him.

yugyeom felt like an absolute monstrous pervert. but how could he contain himself after the feelings and intimacy bambam placed upon him today? especially already having this blossoming love for him growing deeply in his soul before their little session.

he start to pleasure himself, to calm the intense rage of loneliness flowing throughout his body. rubbing places while increasing this fictional illusion he's painted in his head to a point where it almost feels real to him.

yugyeom shuts his eyes tighter as he rises higher to euphoria.

could it be true? a time where bambam is actually his boyfriend. a time where he gets to hold and touch bambam whenever and wherever he wants to. where he gets to watch bambam close his eyes before he drifts off to sleep every night. where he gets to see his body from head to toe, basking in its beauty as he cradles him close in a bed fit for two. by the way he moved in their kiss, it seemed like it was possible.

he doesn't want to think of the possibilities where he was just excited of the new feeling of a kiss, but thinking of his actions as an attraction towards himself, where his dream boy actually liked him back in that way.

just thinking about it longer makes him want him more and more.

the longing he feels to touch his skin again. to feel his lips press up against his. he wants to go deeper. he wants to explore more and do more than what they just did. it wasn't enough for him. he wanted more. to see more, to feel more, to do more.

yugyeom finally let everything out. but yet, somehow, he wasn't satisfied. he laid on his bed, breathing heavily after that wild ride he went through.

it felt good, but it wasn't enough. yugyeom sighed one last time before lifting his arm up to the sky, staring at the blue cloth still hanging around his wrist after all those months. "fuck." it wasn't enough because it wasn't with him.

it wasn't with bambam.

pleasure could only go so far when doing it alone. nothing will every feel as satisfying as doing it with someone.

and it's not like he'll ever get that. bambam is going to the dance tomorrow. swooning over some girl.

i want to feel happy for him, but i just can't. i'm supposed to be with you, not her.

he couldn't help but let out a bitter laugh at listening to the thoughts inside his head flow through his mind without any thinking. how have i fallen so deeply for someone this badly? man... he covers his arm with his eyes. it's painfully exhilarating.

i would've never thought i was capable of this. screw anyone else i ever met or will meet. he's the one. i know it.

yugyeom rolled himself over to a spot comfortable enough to drift off into slumber. it's just not knowing whether he feels the same about me.